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Horrible fighting with dh

Dusti's picture

DD is 18 and in high school. She is pregnant with twins from ss. Yeah.....i know. Anyway her and I have been searching for an adoptive family for them and dh is insisting that ss be a part of this and he have a say where the twins go. DD and I want to handle this ourselves and have found a couple we like. They are older and never able to have kids. I think they are perfect but dh is saying he and ss want to find a young couple to raise them (30's compared to the couple dd and I found 40's. So we have been having knock down drag out fights and last night dh said if ss isn't included then he won't sign the adoption papers and DH will SEEK custody on ss's behalf!! I think dh is bluffing but I don't understand why he is doing this!!


Dusti's picture

My dd has already been black mailed into having 2 babies she doesn't want. The least they can do is but the hell out of her life. DD and I will make the best decision for the twins. Dh is just butting in because ss wants to know what is going on. Dh needs to realize this may end our marriage and tow the line carefully.

twoviewpoints's picture

Would you just stop long enough to actually hear yourself :jawdrop:

Your adult daughter is not the fricking 'victim' here... if she has 'ruined' her life, she did so herself. You're far too late on insisting SS and his parents butt the h*ll out.

And seriously? "Tow the line carefully". It's your adult daughter that could be facing sexual criminal charges. You don't hold all the cards here and it's time you climb on off your high horse and face the that fact of reality.

notarelative's picture

Legally the bio father has to consent to the adoption or his rights have to be terminated in court. Which do you prefer? Do you want SS (and his parents) involved in choosing the adoptive parents or do you want a termination of rights hearing in court?

I'd chose letting the father be involved over a termination of rights hearing.

Dusti's picture

We are. We are searching, as in looking through, their available families. We picked a 40 something family and dh and ss wants a 30 something family.

notarelative's picture

Biological fathers have legal rights and need to consent to adoptions in most places. Having SS (and parents since he is a minor) involved in choosing the adoptive parents is necessary if you want this adoption to go smoothly.

Consult your lawyer about the specifics in your state.

Dusti's picture

I AM trying to end this bs. I am helping dd find a family that she is comfortable with and dh and ss are trying to derail our plans! Nothing we do is right. It's almost like dh is trying to derail everything so he can take custody of the twins! I thought I would be battling bm I never considered I would be fighting dh!

robin333's picture

What did you expect? I'm sorry but I'm pretty sure your marriage is over. Neither you or DH should be living together while your kids are with you.

I think you have failed your daughter miserably.

Disneyfan's picture


If she wanted to get rid of those babies, she would have done it long before BM even found out about the pregnancy. This grown behind woman played with fire and got burnt.

Snowflake's picture

Dusti - you and your daughter have my utmost sympathies. Your daughter has basically been forced to have the children she didn't want, and now she may not be able to make a decision on whether to put the children up for adoption. I do agree with others that she should have had an abortion, but it is too late now.

If I were you I would move away with your daughter after all of this is said and done. She needs to have your support. I think your relationship with your husband is probably over. There are so many obstacles to overcome. At this point perhaps you should involve the skid and have him go in separately to look at families at the adoption agency. That way all parties can agree on adoption and a family. It may be that or the other option of having your dh try to raise the kid.

As a parent you can do everything right and still have a child make life altering mistakes. It amazes me how everyone on this board has dysfunctional skids, yet perfect husbands, and bios.

AlreadyGone's picture

Wow, what a horrifying situation, (just went back through your blogs.) :jawdrop:

Listen, I don't think hearing people calling your daughter a rapist or degrading your parental abilities is the kind of help you need right now. I understand your wanting to reach out for support, (considering the STBF is your SS, and this MUST be the absolute worst StepHell most could imagine) but, this is the wrong place for you. You'd be much better off to seek counseling for your DD and for yourself. If your DH and the BM had an ounce of sense, they'd be doing the same for their son.

This really isn't a who's right and who's wrong scenario. There were enough failings to go around by ALL involved. Airing specific details about this hugely unhealthy set of circumstances isn't in anyone's best interest, especially yours. KWIM?


Tuff Noogies's picture

Now red solo cup is the best receptacle
From barbecues, tailgates, fairs and festivals
And you, sir, do not have a pair of testicles
If you prefer drinkin' from glass.

that's why i said beer! the hard stuff can come out after lunch Wink

Gimlet's picture

I have an embarrassing Luxardo cherry habit. I could easily polish off an entire jar.

I want to think it's the first and fear it's the second.....

AlreadyGone's picture

I was hoping that refreshments wouldn't be necessary, lol. Wink There is such a thing as 'too much drama' for the ladies of ST. Smile Maybe you should be promoting 'last call' instead. Dirol

BSgoinon's picture

What the hell kind of post did I just stumble on. Sounds like the makings of a Lifetime movie.

I need a drink after reading all of that.

DaizyDuke's picture

I agree... this is some sort of social experiment about abortion, adoption and/or the teen sex. Funny how the story encompasses every single hot button?

ETA: AND religion! I forgot that BM is devout Catholic. Wink

Disneyfan's picture

You left out race.

Maybe that can be the topic of the next update. Husband and SS want to place the babies with a couple who is _____________. :jawdrop: :jawdrop:

notasm3's picture

Dump all the ahole POS people in your life - your daughter, DH, SS, etc. And go into a witness protection program so they never find you.