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Met with a second attorney

Dusti's picture

So On Monday DD and I met with a second attorney who came recommended. It wasn't good news. DD could be in a world of trouble. So without my knowledge she went to bm's yesterday and talked with her. She decided to have the babies and put them up for adoption. Bm reassured her she has zero desire to ruin her life. She will never speak of this again once the twins are born. She just wants dd to stay away from SS and the babies to have life. Bm gave her the names of some adoption agencies and some websites to help her.

I am just.......blown the hell away. I asked dd if she understands what this means, what this will do to her body and her mind. It will ruin her senior year and devastate her! I don't think she has thought through what it will be like to give away one baby much less two!!

Dh and I are barely talking right now. He wants dd out of the house. He said an adoption agency will pay for an apartment and help her. That she is 18 and a criminal. Whatever. She is 18 but she is still in high school and YOUR crazy ex is forcing her to have children she doesn't want. Our world is an upside down mess right now.

I meet with the 3rd attorney tonight but dd doesn't want to go.

Comments

Dusti's picture

I will. It's just not the choice I would have made for her. I know it's not my decision though.

Dusti's picture

I got the advice here for 3 consults. I thought it was a good idea. I may see the 3rd guy by myself though. I do want and will support my dd It's just so different than what I had imagined her life to be.

justanothergurlNJ's picture

DITTO!

Dusti's picture

I don't want to raise anymore kids. I struggled raising my dd financially. I don't want to raise more kids now that I am stable and at a good place in life.

Cover1W's picture

My friends adopted a child of two 16 year olds.
He's a super awesome kid with a wonderful family now - wouldn't have happened with teenagers for parents.

Adoption can be a very good thing.

Merrywey's picture

I think at this point you have done everything within your power to help your daughter. I am heartbroken for you & unlike other posters, understand why you would support your daughter.
I think now you need to focus on the next stage of your life. Where does your relationship with your DH go, how does your daughter finish Hugh school & move on with her life? Moving forward should be your focus and that should include counseling for you both.
Finally please ensure "facilitated" adoption (some one paying expenses) is legal in your state. It is illegal in many including mine. For the life of me I can't understand why you would want to stay enmeshed with DH & BM. Their actions and comments show them to be dark evil people.

JustAgirl42's picture

Wow, I realize she did the wrong thing, but to be blackmailed into giving birth? Ouch.

Amcc13's picture

Okay this is a hard situation. I don't know your state abortion laws of that so I can't help you there- that's why you need the lawyers. If it did come to it though I reckon some sort of case for lower iq and development delay could be made.

It sounds like your daughter has made a decision, though not entirely of her own free will. If you decide to go with this decision then please read the following...

If she decides to go with carrying them
Okay, twin pregnancies are extremely difficult because it is two babies. The scan- did they tell you yet if they reckon they are identical or fraternal? She will need lots of support and she will need more check ups than most because it is a higher risk pregnancy. I suggest someone( most likely yourself ) be with her as an extra pair of ears and a non judgemental support at each appointment. It's amazing how little people can hear when they are in a stressful situation.
Honestly your daughter can't leave home at the moment. She needs to be in a house where there are people who can help her with things esp as the preg progresses. So no matter what husband may want, too bad, his son is partly responsible for mess so you all have to clean it up.
She may need to Be home schooled for the year. You show early with twins. You get big with twins. She will not have the luxury of being able to hide this for long but she shouldn't stop her life completely. If she is happy to go to school and continue as long as possible great. If she would prefer to be home schooled and finish her last year that way she should do that. No reason for her to be not finishing because of this
If she is going to keep them has she started folic acid? Is she passed 12 weeks? (After this, folic acid is less use but we usually recommend continue it here )
I would suggest you be in the delivery room with her when she has them. Once again lots of support. Remember as well that twins tend to come early- 40 weeks for normal baby but 35 is considered full term for twins. Take one picture of them when they come out to let everyone see them alive and then try to get them taken straight to the nursery. But you need to be prepared that these twins may come very early and may spend a great deal of time in special care.

You need to ask yourself if you can support your daughter through this worst case scenario.

As for the step son , yes he is under age but he shouldn't get off Scot free - it takes two to get pregnant after all. Also if BM blackmails you with this, will she hold it over you for something else ? It may be better if after this is over , you and your daughter move on and you start fresh somewhere no one knows the history. But I would have BM sign something to say that by having the twins she will leave this girl and you alone

I know that's not much help , I don't know enough law to help you with that. Sometimes knowing what may be ahead can help make decisions or help you prepare for what's coming down the road.
I wish I could help more good luck