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Teenager no cellphone no visit

helpthismomma's picture

So its come down to this....SD 16 has no cell at our home due to past bad decisions sexting, posting photos of our 2 toddler children when it is our rule that they are not to be posted on the internet and then lying about it. past choices about friends, suicide attempts etc etc. In addition, when she has been allowed to use phone she disappears and the little time we have her its like she is not here. We have maintained she can use phone here if we are allowed to install parenting software on it which she will not allow so the rule is no phone. BD was just informed she does not want to visit us if she cant use her cell when she is here. how would you handle?

CLove's picture

luckily a CO is a CO is a CO. So the child really has no choice in the matter - from what I understand reading other posts on this site.

Disneyfan's picture

I remember some of those picture blogs. :jawdrop: Pretty much everyone agreed that the BMs complaining about SMs posting SKs pictures could go kick rocks since dads were OK with.

I have always said unless both parents agree, posting a child's picture online is a big no no. This kid knew how her dad and SM felt about this, but made the choice to disregard them. So, now she has to deal with the consequences.

momjeans's picture

"scowling pig"

Snort. Coffee almost came out of my nose.

My DD3 definitely inherited my resting-b!tch-give-no-f*cks-face. }:)

TwoOfUs's picture

Huh?

A 16-year-old posting pictures of toddlers is VERY different from SM posting pictures of family times...though, as LadyFace mentions, I don't know many SMs who do so. LOL. My sister and her husband have full-custody of her SS, and the bio mom complains that she DOESN'T post enough pictures of the kid compared to her two bios, which means that she must not love him like a mother...but then likes to constantly remind my sister that she's NOT his mother. SM's seriously can't win for losing sometimes.

But...back to the main point. If dad and SM post pictures of their family life together, and some of those pics include the skids, then so be it. They are adults who are responsible for the well-being of those children. If BOTH parents have agreed for Internet security and safety reasons that they don't want images of their toddler children online, then that should be respected. Teenagers are notoriously stupid about who they will talk to and befriend online...I wouldn't want my babies on my teen skids' accounts, either.

Not a "really tough one" at all. Fairly simple and straightforward. The fact that you think it's a tough call really shows your mindset, though. To you, grown and married responsible adult women who happen to be stepmoms are on the same level as 16-year-olds when it comes to their rights and expectations in a blended family. Makes total sense.

Gimlet's picture

which means that she must not love him like a mother...but then likes to constantly remind my sister that she's NOT his mother. SM's seriously can't win for losing sometimes.

Amen.

TwoOfUs's picture

Lol.

To be fair, my sister very stupidly RESPONDS to these texts from BM and BMs mom. Allows herself to get into pissing matches.

I've told her a thousand times to start acting like she has the power, because she does, and to just block both of them and never look back. She's gotten better now that she has a job and isn't a SAHM...and now that they've had full custody for five years. She's starting to realize that she has better things to do than try to win with BM or justify her choices to her. Still...she got into it again after she posted back to school photos and the BM and bio grandmother asked if she ever takes SS for new clothes...bc it's obvious that her BD has on a nicer first day of school outfit. This from a woman who got custody taken away bc she spent her CS on meth while letting her son sit in his own filth, then drove high with him in the car...and who has never paid a dime of CS...while my sister supported the whole family including her kid while her DH was out of work for a year.

So, yeah. My sister isn't getting riled up for nothing. But still...block, live your life.

AWWKNSWTD's picture

Sounds like a huge number of cries for help there -- primarily the suicide attempts and maybe even the sexting. Is she getting professional help?

sunshinex's picture

Is she getting professional help? Suicide attempts are fairly serious. Aside from that, a 16 year old sexting, posting photos of half siblings online and making bad decisions in terms of her friends sounds fairly normal lol

Acratopotes's picture

Dad should record her convo's for not visiting or safe the text messages, and say well it's your choice kiddo..

one day when she's an adult and blames him for not being in her life, he can simply send her copies with a note saying... you made the choice own up to it, you did not want your dad in your life...

SMforever's picture

You can't give in to her demands or she will continue to do the same in future. Nothing will magically change when she turns 18. Her Dad needs to set some firm, healthy boundaries. Doing that carries the risk of 'alienation'. Don't worry, she'll be back when she needs something paid for.

I had an older sister who constantly attempted to manipulate my parents this way. They doled out boundaries and tough love. She ghosted all of us for 10 years (that was a peaceful time) then reappeared when she wanted loans. None were granted.

She finally showed up,at my Dad's funeral demanding her 'fair share'. She got the inheritance but is now a very lonely retired woman because she extended the manipulation attempts to,everyone she knew, apparently, thus ending up with no friends.

Manipulation is a disordered behaviour that needs harsh management. It takes courage and a sort of disengagement on the part of the parent which is not always possible. I hope your DH can see that this is the only way to have a hope of normalising her behaviour before it's too late.

Goodluck's picture

No cells for kids either at our home. We never gave them one nor will we give the minor kids one either.

Sounds like she can have her phone at her Mom's house in spite of everything?

Another great BM it appears----

I have no advise. Keep In mind that should step daughter not have her overnights, BM may go back to modify cs for max because of zero overnights. I am not suggesting give her the phone at all.

Sorry your going thru this. Her mom should be blocking all access to cells because of the history. JMO

Willow2010's picture

Ok…I will be the odd one out on this. Even though kinda need more info.

I gather that SD has the phone 24/7 when not at your house…? But on the 4 days a month you have her, you want to take away a 16 year olds phone? Or monitor everything she does on it? Your DH can NOT be surprised she does not want to come over.

You asked how would I would handle it? DH should tell her she can bring her phone but he hopes she can put it away some so that they can spend some quality Daughter/Daddy time. And that is it. I mean she has the phone 24/7 so no reason to take it away at your house. IMHO.

How long ago were all of the offenses you say she made?

Acratopotes's picture

support your DH's parenting on cell phones... no effing way I will keep on reminding him and make sure he sticks to it }:) if it means Aergia will not visit

TwoOfUs's picture

No phone during her visits sounds totally reasonable to me. BM doesn't need to be in constant contact with a 16-year-old or to have any say about the rules at your house. She's just trying to exert control.

Do you pay for the phone service or does BM. We cover phones for skids, so I have even less problem taking them away if needed.

TwoOfUs's picture

No phone during her visits sounds totally reasonable to me. BM doesn't need to be in constant contact with a 16-year-old or to have any say about the rules at your house. She's just trying to exert control.

Do you pay for the phone service or does BM. We cover phones for skids, so I have even less problem taking them away if needed.