I fear this summer will be the same......
SD19 will be home next week with the infamous hedgehog. I brought it up today at the vet, asking if they saw exotic pets. DH quickly moved on to the next subject. Wednesday is the day she comes home. SD19 and her BoyF of two years split up last week and they are "just friends." So many little things are going on and it has been eerily quiet. Probably because I haven't said much. It's the calm before the inevitable mother F-ing storm for me.
I DID tell DH that I wanted a little of his time this weekend, in between his naps, so we could make House Rules for SD19 and SD13 for the summer. I am finding that I am more concerned about the house being quiet and people cleaning up after themselves, more so than just giving chores to the SDs for "chores sake." I also don't want any attitude from SD19. That is going to be my biggest struggle.
I go to see my therapist today in just a little while. He has been encouraging me to really listen and validate SD19's feelings when she is upset. I understand what he is saying, but I keep thinking the same things to myself -- How can I possibly even begin to validate her feelings when she is a toxic bitch, when I don't care about her feelings like I used to, when DH doesn't get involved like he should and when that damn HHog is coming into my home???
I'm just going to tell it to my therapist straight today. I'm going to say that I've heard everything that you've been saying and it's all good advice, BUT....I'm not going to "care" and play the parental role in SD19's life more than DH. I am not going to ENGAGE with this beast when she is an enabled spoiled brat. I am basically going to tell him that I am going to be pleasant and greet her when I get home, and then go to my room. Most likely she'll be nesting on my good LR furniture while the entire basement with a huge TV goes unseen by man. I'm going to work on DH with that one and suggest that the SDs watch TV in the basement. He will enable them, I'm sure, and make excuses as to why they could watch TV in the LR. DH actually MOVED THE FURNITURE around last summer for SD19. So she could recline on the couch and watch TV. Yeah.
It's just going to be the same thing all over again. Although I DID suggest to DH this week that SD13 shower every night instead of every other. I told him she stinks and asked if he's bought her deodorant lately, because I can't even smell that on her first thing in the morning. DH said he had just bought her some and I asked him to show her how to use it the right way. Press HARD and do at least 6 swipes under your arms. SD13 does NOT have B.O., but she doesn't smell clean. B.O. is coming, so let's get ready, I say. I had to remind SD13 to shower last night. She sits in the one place I use in the home, besides my bedroom, and that is the kitchen. She can go stink up a chair somewhere else.
I have been reading my old posts from last summer and nothing has changed. over the past year. It's gotten worse because these SDs have more needs that aren't being met. They aren't being given boundaries and DH isn't parenting them. It always starts with me, behind the scenes, before DH will act on anything. I know nothing will change until DH steps up. I have my fingers crossed, but I'm not very hopeful. I'm sure SD19 will be laying around my house on the couch or tanning because school was so stressful. I wish she would fucking launch. I am secretly counting down to two more years and she will be done with college and can get the hell out. No matter what DH says. Or if she is a total C U Next Tuesday this summer, I am giving DH an ultimatum to get her happy ass out SOONER. She is bad news. Toxic. SD13 who thinks she's a by should be a load of fun this fall when she starts high school.
I have to go remind SD13 to put her clothes in the dryer. Friday is laundry day for her, not Saturday. And she's going to a friend's house later. An 11yo from the old neighborhood. I wonder what the kids over there thin of SD13 now? She was cute little 10yo girl when we lived there. Now she is creepy and awkward. Second thought, I won't remind her to put her clothes in the dryer. Fuck it. I'll just throw them all over the hall tomorrow morning if they are in my way. How hard is it, people? Set a damn reminder on your device to help you remember. You look at the damn things all of the time!
Thanks for the vent. Time to go to therapy.