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Moved Out Yesterday

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

I had spoken to DH Thursday night and made arrangements to move out on Friday. SD13 and SD20 were gone for the day and DH told them not to return until he told them I was done. I worked a half day and then met my BFF at my house. I was excited and nervous and didn't know where to start with packing. I took all of my summer clothes and one piece of furniture when it was all said and done.

BFF and I were in the middle of taping up boxes and the bedroom door suddenly opened. DH was standing there, in the middle of the day when he should've been at work. My BFF is a man I've known since HS, and he and DH have never met. It became very awkward very fast. DH and I went downstairs and he kept saying how he needed to see me, how he had't seen me in a few days. I hadn't been home since Wednesday morning. He was saying all of the expected things, desperately trying to hold on to me. I told him that now was NOT the time to discuss the relationship! I told him I was exhausted and I needed to get packed and out. He asked how much I was taking? He asked if he could help? He said that no one would ever treat ME better than him and I think I threw up a little in the back of my mouth. Can't say I blame him for saying those things and for showing up at the house, but I needed to get him out ASAP.

Next, DH wanted to go upstairs and thank BFF for helping me move. Oh good Lord. Please just get the fuck out. He shook BFF's hand and BFF didn't say much. It was awkward. Before he left, DH kept asking if I wanted a divorce and I kept telling him I needed him to leave, that I needed to pack so I could have my space elsewhere. He then told me that he looked at the bank account and saw I was near the courthouse (parking garage receipt) and I said I had seen an attorney. He asked if I trusted him and then admitted that he moved all of the money out of our joint savings except for 3k. All of this money belonged to the SDs as I moved mine out months ago. He said that he had been down this road before, and BM had taken everything out of their joint accounts when she divorced him. He also stated that he saw I had transferred money to a different savings account. That's where my paychecks have been going, and I told him that, I had nothing to hide.

DH finally left and BFF and I finished packing in a few hours. I was so glad to get everything I needed out of there. I left a lot of winter clothes and books. I'll get that later. It will be easy. What wasn't easy yesterday was seeing those beautiful dogs of mine, so excited to see me. I kissed them all goodbye and cried a little, but I know they'll be ok for now. In six months or so when I get my place back, I can figure out if I want to take two of them or not.

Right now, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet and cleanliness. None of that is weighing in on me now. BFF and I are going to run errands today. He has been a lifesaver, I've know him since HS.

Today is OSD20's birthday. I'm out of the house, so I guess you could say she got her way. As always. Who cares? I'm happier for it already.

~ Moon

ChiefGrownup's picture

So glad you posted. Reading now....wanted to give you a flyby comment...gonna read now.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Dang, girl, you sound so ready for this it's amazing. The only thing that tugged your heartstrings is the dog clan (as well it should). I think you left no stone unturned to save this for a long time and that is serving you well now. You know what you know and you know it thoroughly. No more angst.

BTW, "no one will treat you better than I do" -- I think the proper response to that is "If that's true, I would much rather be alone!"

Think we should make it a ST game. What other responses can Sters come up?

BTW, Mr. Moon, my dh treats me so much better than you treat Moon it would make your head spin. You are not the be all and all of mankind, you don't even rate "average." Moon could throw a rock into a pile of male driver's licenses and get treated better by whoever's dl she landed on. Law of statistics is inescapable.

Good luck, Moon!

notasm3's picture

"Moon could throw a rock into a pile of male driver's licenses and get treated better by whoever's dl she landed on."


TheAccidentalSM's picture

I think that this is the first time your DH gets that you are serious. I really hope that it gives him a reality check to save your marriage.

Take care


CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I probably would be getting all my stuff, but that is me. I'm not very trusting in these kinds of situations. As I've said before, if DH and I ever split, he is leaving! He doesn't really want the pets, so I really couldn't leave my babies in his care! Not to mention, he is so financially irresponsible I couldn't trust him with anything that had my name on it...not even short term. I would have to stay in the house to make sure it wasn't foreclosed on!

I'm still both happy and jealous for you!!! You've come a long way in the last couple of months! Hang in there!

Raggles's picture

Im happy for you Moon.
We all reach a point when enough is enough.
Enjoy your quiet stressfree clean house.
I love mine Biggrin

MamaDuck's picture

I envy you right now! I mean, I'm sorry that your in this position in the first place ((hugs)) but I would love to move out just to have SPACE, to get away from the step stress and rediscover myself and my personal feelings and relationship with SO. BEING HERE makes it very hard to sort things out.

Good luck luv

dood's picture

You sound good Moon. I was thinking about you and so glad you posted. I'm really happy you have such a great friend to help you through these things.

Your DH just does not get it at all. If he really thinks he treats you well he needs more help than his dysfunctional kids.

Take this time to rejuvenate yourself and get in touch with yourself again. Sending all sorts of good thoughts your way. Xoxo

TheLadyTremaine's picture

Wishing you all the peace and happiness you so deserve! You are a strong person, a real live step role model. Thank you!

"He said that no one would ever treat ME better than him"

Words of a desperate, drowning man. And complete bullshit too.

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Thanks, everyone. I am having the BEST time with my first relaxing weekend in a long time! I still have the "talk" I need to have with DH and we'll have to work out an agreement. But for now, I'm just enjoying the peace and quiet.

~ Moon

IslandGal's picture

On ya Moon!! Stay happy to see youre finally out..Your DH will soon realise what hes lost..and YOU were the best thing that ever happened to him.. sometimes it takes a drastic step like this to wake them up..

Keep on keeping're pretty amazing and stronger than you knew..wooo hoo!!!

JustAgirl42's picture

Good for you Moon. Wink

I hope SD20 is proud of what she did to her father's marriage.

No more SDog in a diaper for you!! Biggrin

Amber Miller's picture

Yeah. I hope the dumb bitch daughter (SD19) is happy too. Every year on her birthday, your DH will be reminded of the day you left him. Her birthday will always serve as a symbolic reminder to DH of how he lost a fantastic, intelligent, loving, beautiful, hard-working, loyal, devoted wife as a result of his entitled bitch of a daughter.
Every year when princess brat wants daddy to take her out for dinner for her special day, he will be reminded of this great loss he has suffered due to the acts of the immature, spoiled, nasty, manipulative, crazy, maniacal bitch who happens to be sitting across the table from him; smiling and all happy :O
He will be forced to eat his meal while looking at her rotten face.

Her dad will always think of what her stupid ass did to his marriage on her precious birthday. Happy birthday bitch, you got what you wanted. Hope you're available to comfort your father as he grieves the loss of his beautiful, wonderful wife, Moon. No one will ever be able to take her place; not even you. Stupid bitch.
I hope your soon to be exH cracks and let's his bitch daughter's sorry ass have it. Damn brat. She will get hers someday Moon, I promise. You may not be there to see it but it will happen and she deserves all she's going to get. I hope she marries a guy with 5 teen brat daughters.
I feel so much contempt for this girl. Hope she enjoys her hedgehog while she's at it. After all of this, I bet she gives the rodent away. It served it's purpose in her stupid little world and she no longer has any use for the innocent little creature.
Stay strong Moon. You're going to be fine. I admire you.

ETA--seriously, wouldn't it be something if after all of this, she decides she doesn't want HHog anymore and gives it away?

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Amber, you hit the nail on the head with the symbolism of SD20's birthday. Thanks for all of your kind words, too!

I was talking with BFF yest and he said I really don't have to go back for anything. The only sentimental thing I didn't grab was the wedding photos from my first marriage. My first husband was my HS sweetheart and died of cancer before our second anniversary. The pictures were behind a bunch of heavy boxes so I'll go later in a few weeks and get them. Got all of the winter coats and boots, things of value. The rest I can leave behind -- old clothes, CDS etc.

I don't need them because I'm starting new. What an exhilarating feeling! I just can't even describe it! I still feel a little lost, reminding myself that I will never sleep with DH in my "old house" again. I'm still not unpacked and organized at Mom's, but that will happen this week bit by bit.

Then I can truly settle down for a few months. I can't wait for the fall weather and all of the new, fun times to come!

~ NEW Moon Smile

Amber Miller's picture

You're welcome Moon. As I posted above; I mean EVERY word of it.
You sound like me when I left my exH. I was excited about my new life that was waiting for me. Even though he was extremely abusive (physically and emotionally) I was still sad at the loss of the dream of being married to my boys father and raising them together. What kept me going was the knowledge that I was going to be happy in the end. Yes, it was painful but it couldn't be any more painful than what I was currently going through so why not take this step toward my happiness and independence. I knew I would have to endure the pain in order to achieve what I so desperately missed and deserved; my happiness. That goes for you too.
What really got me while reading your post was where you said that you knew you would never sleep next to DH in your house. I had those feelings when I left too. In fact, we arranged to spend one last night together. We were not intimate, we just slept in an empty house on a mattress. We cried and held each other at times. We said goodbye knowing this would be the end forever. It was sad. I still loved him but I had to say goodbye.
My best advice is to always look ahead; do not look back. Focus on the goal and the great strides/steps you've taken for yourself. You will miss him at times, you will think of him, you might wake up in the middle of the night and reach out and find that he's not there as you remember that you're in your parents house, away from all the craziness and abuse. It will take time to get used to being alone but I guarantee you will be ok.
Take the time you need to heal. Find new hobbies and hang out with friends. Don't let him invade your space if you want to be alone; he has to respect the fact that you've gone and are moving on. This will be hard on him too but it's not your job to comfort him or help him through this; it's time to help yourself. He can go to AA, talk to his mini-wife or his ice cream pal. His feelings are not your responsibility and don't let him try to convince you that they are.
Remember, you'll have good days and bad days. You will cry and you will laugh. Most of all, you will find yourself again. Stay strong. You can do this.

hereiam's picture

I hope SD20 is proud of what she did to her father's marriage.

But she didn't do it, Moon's H allowed all of this to happen.

Yes, SD's behavior is reprehensible but Moon's H did absolutely nothing to discourage it, to put an end to it, to make Moon feel that it was HER home and that she was the Queen of it. That she was his WIFE and that that meant something. He did nothing to help these girls deal with the fact that their mother was dead and their lives were forever changed. A parent can't just glaze over something like that.

Nope, this is all on her soon to be ex. His daughters need help.

He may think that there will be peace in his home now, but his daughters are each a mess in their own way and he is not dealing with it. Losing Moon is just the beginning.

Anyway, good luck, Moon! Have a great life and keep us updated on it.

Pokeyketchum's picture

Moon, I was just curious. Does your H always look at the bank account or was that an abberation where he saw the parking fee when you parked downtown?

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

He never looked at the account because I handled it. I knew when I used my debit card it would show on the account, but I didn't care. He didn't look until I didn't stay at home the next night. It was then that he had a reason to think something was up. Then he checked the accounts. He saw that I transferred my paycheck out earlier in the month. Then the idiot asked if I trusted him and proceeded to tell me he moved most of the money out of our joint savings.

I bought a bunch of things to help me get settled in at my parents' home today. It set in a little tonight, weepy for a bit but spoke with Mom and felt better. It was a productive day. Tomorrow I'll have a rough time with the girls at work asking how I'm doing. A few texted me Friday because they thought something was up.

I'll get through that, too.

~ Moon

BarkAtTheMoon's picture


Pokeyketchum's picture

I am sorry you felt weepy. You will have good and bad days. And some mixtures of both.
Stay strong Moon. You have a whole site rooting for you.

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

You all have given me a lot of strength when I thought I was losing my mind. Reading my blogs from a year ago and seeing that things had only gotten worse has been a real eye-opener over these past few months.


dood's picture

Hang in there Moon... give yourself a week of just living life... go to work, go home - do what you are going to do. Leave all the other 'stuff' on a shelf for now. I'm so proud of what you've done for yourself.... as well you should be. You have the entire STalk site squarely in your corner.

Redredwine's picture

You sound like you're mentally and emotionally a bit calmer and "even."
I'm glad you are okay. You'll be fine.

MAHM-mami's picture

This is so inspiring. This is the first post I have read from you but it is really empowering in finding strength to leave. It shows the relief that comes with leaving. However, I'm sorry it had to end this way but it is also good to hear that you won't stick around skids that irk you. Just remember everytime you're alone how annoying they would be.

I don't mean to re-hash anger but he's such a loser for removing the money from the account. But that's to be expected when sh*t goes down. I applaud you for making it seem like it doesn't phase you though. You seem very strong!

ChiefGrownup's picture

You know, you have a real good point here. He's clued in enough to realize that he better do something and he picks "grab the cash." He could have picked "make some real changes around here, make my wife feel valued and listened to, introduce some accountability into my kids' lives, ask for help in parenting, do some self-reflection, make arrangements for sd13 to stay elsewhere on my next business trip, or an infinite number of other real steps." But he picks: grab the cash.

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Yeah because BM took all of the money when she left him. I kept telling him not to compare me to her....Funny thing is, I think I have just as much as he does now with all I've saved!

Just got my first sappy email today saying he wanted to talk face to face. I'm not ready yet. I'm enjoying the peace and quiet. Heck I'm still unpacking! Blum 3


TheAccidentalSM's picture

All this plus he needs to make you his priority over his silly sports addiction!

Powerfamily's picture

Just tell him your not ready and will contact when your ready to talk.

He probably realised now after a week how much you do at home and he going to make all sorts of promises to get you to move back home, to cook, clean and look after SD as he can not get any one to look after her while he is working away.

Any promises he makes he must implement any changes/therapy for him and Sd's either together or separately for at least 6 months before you will consider moving back (I won't say home because I think they have ensured that it is NOT your home, it's theirs).

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Ditto everything these ladies are saying! They can get a really smooth tongue when they realize you may mean it. Actions speak louder than words!

ChiefGrownup's picture

Yup, he's getting a taste of Life Without Moon. Also known as My Own Kids Pure and Unadulterated. Also known as The Scapegoat Has Left the Building.

Taste your own bitter brew, Mr. Moon. You've been forcing it down Moon's throat for years -- drink deep yourself now!