DH FINALLY approached ME about HHog!......
DH actually just approached me about the hedgehog dilemma. This is the first time this has happened, and gee, it's only taken him five months. I have been through hell trying to deal with this.
So, he said we need to compromise and figure something out. SD19 has a campus job and they will need her for the summer. She said she would take a summer gym class at school and be able to stay in a dorm for the summer. All of this has to be nailed down by this Monday.
My first thought was that I don't want the hedgehog here AT ALL. SD19 would be home from college in about a month from now, and would be at home for about five weeks. Then to the beach at the end of June for a week, then home for a few days before moving to the dorm for the last half of the summer, so I can have some peace in my home.
I guess I can't look a gift horse in the mouth if this is the best I can get. I told DH I don't want the hedgehog here at all, and he started gently pointing the finger at me. I told him this wasn't about me, it was about his disrespectful and irresponsible kid. He said she's learning, to which I replied, "She is NOT and she's nearly twenty years old! I bet I'll be sitting here ten years from now saying 'But she's THIRTY, DH!'" Dh assured me that wouldn't be the case. Whatever, DH.
I told DH that I don't like SD19's attitude and the bridge between she and I is just about burned all the way. I don't need a disrespectful kid being a shit to me in my home. I explained to DH that she can't just sail in here and leave a mess. I told him I was afraid to even approach her anymore if I needed her to get her trash or empty the dryer, because she does what she wants. Why should I be disrespected and bitched at because she doesn't feel like doing something? DH told me I need to work on my approach, which I have always agreed with. I can't help but get firm and harsh when I am frustrated. It's called PARENTING. I get frustrated because things that are common sense to most of us, this girl doesn't get, or at least she thinks that nothing applies to her. Furthermore, DH won't teach them to her. SD19 is damaged goods. Whuss skid.
DH said that SD19 was self-absorbed. I agreed with him. I told him he needed to set boundaries for SD19 because she doesn't have any. He said she did and that she comes home on time and does her homework.....WHAT?!?! What about when she's home and leaves the kitchen a mess or lays on the couch all day like it's her bed? Or what about when she opens her windows and lets the AC out? He made fun of me for having the shades drawn a lot. Well, yeah, DH, maybe if you weren't too scared to balance our account for one week, you'd see how high the electric bill is. Anyway.....
I told him I would think it over, but I didn't want the HHog here at all. I told him I didn't like feeling this was about his daughter, but until she gets some help with her anger, I don't know what to do. DH clearly doesn't get what I mean by boundaries. A boundary would be DH inserting his foot into SD19's ass if she disrespected anyone in the house or didn't clean up after herself.
I could agree to all of this and then call the dorms over the summer and rat her out for having a pet in there, but then she'd probably come back home, so no good there. Positive thing is that the entire bill for this $2000 "gym class" with room and board on campus would come out of her trust. So why didn't she just rent an apartment near school in the first place? Duh, DH and SD19. Just DUH.
I have some satisfaction in knowing that SD19 KNOWS I can't stand all of this. It's her turn to walk on eggshells. Oh and YSD13 still thinks I'm not supportive of her? Yeah, DH threw that in as well. Awwwww, the world is not going to bow at your feet, oh naive one. }:)
At least DH is trying? But I am still being disrespected, IMO.