Decided to send SS15 to boarding school, now I feel bad....
So we have been having major problems with SS15 for several years now. His BM cut off all contact 3 years ago so he has nothing to do with any members of her family (they live in a different state to us anyway). SS15's behavious has been getting progressively worse the older he gets, and after a spat of stealing money, lying and various other things, at the psycholgist this week he told her, in front of DH, that he detests us and is just biding his time until he can leave after he finishes school.
I have disengaged a short while ago but his presence still irks me, but overall it has been better for my sanity. DH on the other hand is so angry with SS15 and wants him out. We don't have the option of sending him to live with BM (which we would do if she was normal), so the decision has been discussed to send him to boarding school.
Only now I feel bad about it! after we sat down with him and discussed it,he said, 'well tomorrow I will wake up a new person'. DH said this is something he has said over and over again but nothing changes, so what choice do we have as clearly he hates being here and we are always fighting. He then starts crying, main reasoin is he doesn't want to lose his friends. When I told him about the perks like his own laptop etc his attitude changed considerably. But when he was crying I felt bad about it - even though it is mostly DH's decision with input from me. It pissed me off because he is such an asshole to us all the time and saying that stuff to the psychologist, but now it is crunch time he turns on the waterworks????
Opinions/thoughts?
Yeah we are definitely still
Yeah we are definitely still going to go through with it - when hubby asked what he expected to happen when he continued this behaviour, he said he knew something would happen just didn't expect it to happen now. What, so we were gonna put up with his shite for another year or 2? I don't think so pal...
Don't feel guilty. If you are
Don't feel guilty. If you are serious about sending him to boarding school then get him involved in the process and find one that is a good fit for his personality and interests, and that is not so far away that he couldnt come home for the weekend. If you present it to him as a punishment, things are going to go from bad to worse.
Well, at least you got a
Well, at least you got a reaction out of him that shows that you got his attention and that he's motivated to change. It doesn't mean he will, but you've found something that you can use.
I talked to admissions counselors for several therapeutic boarding schools for my former SD when she was 14 and 15.
Her reaction when told about her father and I considering sending her to one of these schools to get help - to threaten to run away and to do whatever it took to be expelled - even threatening physical violence anyone at the school. She said she would do whatever it took to be kicked out and it would have been a challenge for her to see how quickly she could be thrown out.
Considering what she was willing to do to protest being forced to live with her dad, we had no idea what lengths she would go to when sent to a therapeutic school and how badly her behavior would escalate.
At least with your SS, there may be some light at the end of the tunnel and it seems like you have some control over him.