Just More of the Same...
After all that, it just turns out that the same patterns of behavior keep repeating themselves.
Long story short, CPS closed ss15's case. They ended up saying that they can't verify neglect or abuse. The attorneys say that because ss15 is 15 and doesn't want to live with us, it would be next to impossible for DH to get him. DH was heartbroken at the outcome over all this because he was so excited at the prospect at having his son live with us. It's a sad situation.
We live in another state, DH is in the military and we won't be returning to where ss15 lives for a few more years.
ss15 seems to be doing better with his grandparents. There is definitely a more stable environment. But he won't talk with DH very much now. This is a repeating pattern: He and his mother have a crisis, ss15 turns to DH for support and then afterwards shuts DH out for weeks, months. It takes a long time for DH to get that communication back and re-establish that bond, only for the whole cycle to repeat itself.
Now I am wondering about this: DH sends child support to BM, a sizeable amount, which she lives on completely by herself. I guess there is nothing we can do about it but it just doesn't seem right. ss15 is not benefitting in any way from the child support DH sends. She lives in her own house, paid for by ss15's grandparents, and she uses her child support to pay her bills. ss15's grandparents are basically supporting ss15 at his point. DH cannot afford to send more money than he already sends in child support and it will only go to BM anyway.
Is there anything we can do about this legally? Probably not. How do you find peace with a situation like this? It's hard to watch. I hate to see DH come out on the losing end, time after time. DH is a great father, pays his child support to BM faithfully and calls ss15 regularly, even though most of the time he is ignored or treated rudely. BM gets to keep 100% of the child support and her parents are raising his son.