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Whdy does this bug me so much?

talia11's picture

So the other day I posted about SS15 sleeping until 1pm after being at his friends house for the week. So he came back from another friends on Sunday (now Wednesday here) and I was home today also. So hubby had words with him after last sleeping event and had given him chores to do while we were at work. So today being that i was off work, I actually get to see what it is SS15 does. he got up at 10am, ate an enormous amount of food, did the couple of chores his dad told him to do which took about 1-5 hours tops, then went back to bed. It is now 4.14pm in the afternoon.

Now I much prefer him to be away from me as the very sight of him pisses me off, but I tend to look at the bigger picture. He goes back to school is under 2 weeks, to go into Year 10 - his last 'junior year' so to speak. Here in Australia Year 10 is really the start of the planning for their senior years re. career paths. SS15 has no idea what he wants to and I suspect little interest. I just get so angry when I think that he has every opportunity to be a good, hard working kid and he basically doesn't give a shite.

I asked him what he was doing when I walked back past his room at around 12, he said resting - I asked from what and his response was, dad doesn't want me on the compter the whoel time so I don't see what the problem is with me sleeping. I said because that is all he ever does - go on the computer and sleep.

As I said, I shouldn't care but a part of me is worried that if he does not pick up his game now, come end of school he won't have anything to go to so will hang around her, and I want him out!

StickAFork's picture

Leave the poor kid alone. Hell, he even did the chores he was asked to do, and you're STILL busting his balls.

talia11's picture

he doesn't do the chores because he is asked to, he does the chores because he is given no choice by his father. He does not life a finger unless told to, and had he not been specifically told to do a couple of things today, he would have done nothing to help in this household, as he normally does. So yes, I will bust his balls.

StickAFork's picture

His father wasn't even home?? No one MADE him do the chores. He did them like he was asked. He apparently isn't supposed to spend his time on the computer, either. So... he rested, slept, whatever.
It seems like you just WANT to be pissed with this kid. LET IT GO. You'll live longer.

Your "ball busting" isn't doing anything productive. You're just nagging to nag. He did BOTH things that were asked of him: chores, and not to be on the computer too much. Stop nagging. Seriously. I don't understand women like you...nothing makes you happy.

talia11's picture

wow you're a bit rude aren't you!! Firstly, youknow nothign about my life so please, keep your comments about what sort of person I am, to yourself. Secondly, the crux of my post as you clearly did not read it closely, is about the bigger issue, which is that aside from sleeping and his computer, he has no other desires, interests or drives, which ultimately affect my life. And as I am sure has been pointed out to you before, this is a place to vent, and that is exactly what I am doing, if that bothers your agendas, please, feel free not to open my posts.

SMof2Girls's picture

While I understand your frustration, he's 15. He's not doing anything bad .. just not what you want him to do.

I'm not sure how him sleeping and following his father's requests so negatively affects your life? Perhaps you could clarify on that?

Just based on the limited info you gave, I think most people here would be glad to have your SS in exchange for theirs.

LittlePanda's picture

Teenagers sleep a lot. And he spent 1 to five HOURS on chores? That is a lot of time. It's not a big deal at all if he want's to sleep. Not your kid, not your problem. Besides, if you can't stand him, why do you care what he does?

talia11's picture

Little Panda, that was supposed to be 1.5 hours! As I said, it is the bigger picture that worries me. He has no interest in a job (all his friends have part-time jobs) or study to gain career opportunities (last school report showed work steadily going down hill), and is lazy to the point of madness. His BM has nothing to do with him so unfortunately, what he does directly impacts on my family and in turn, me. Hubby is a bit of a ditz when it comes to this as he says, oh well, if he fails school it is his own problem, but what happens when that occurs and SS has nothing to go to? Will hubby still ask him to leave???!

HarleyQuinn's picture

granted he done the chores without a gun to his head the whole time. BUT OP is worried that he is not going to make something of himself and be stuck on her sofa until he's 40! I understand that but that is not your problem. You guys need to have a sit down and speak to him and guide him to ideas of what he wants to do. If his BM isnt in the picture then he only has you for a mother role, as much as you dont liek it, you are that role. And mums help out with their kids future. Get some prospectus's from local colleges and go through them with you, give him some ideas that he may not have thouhgt of.
He is a skid, but he knows no different to actually having his BM around and to be honest he sound slike a typical teenager. At elast he isnt smoking drugs, bringing girls and trashing your house...silver lining???
also make a agreement with DH, that applies to all of your kids that they need to be moved out by 20yrs old or something like that.

talia11's picture

Agreed totally, there are some blessing as he is not using drugs etc yes. But it is sooo hard to get through to him and even sit and have a normal conversation which we have tried time and time again. Things change for about a week then he goes back to his old ways. I am not saying I don't want to help him because I do, but at some point he has to take some responsibility for himself. There is only so much we can do! and it burns me because he is so disrespectful to me when DH si not around, and I highly doubt he sees me as a mother figure - he has made it known on many occasions he dislikes me and thinks I ruined BM and DH's marriage. Anyway, thanks for the repsonse, DH and I did speak tonight and he is going to be making sure when SS starts Year 12, he knows that if he does not bother to make an effort and get good grades and go onto uni/TAFE etc, then he will be on his own.

HarleyQuinn's picture

oh I didnt realsie he was so rude to you guys. self entitlment is highest in skids!
good job you and your DH spoke about it, but sounds like you need to speak to him again about how he is treating you in regards to the marraige breakdown.I never understood skids that do that to their new step parents, speaking myself as a skid, I loved having 2 sets of parents and seeing my mum and dad both happy made me happy, even though my bio dad was a deadbeat, the best thing about him was his wife!lol.
You skid is old enough to know better and think of him as your bio, in the sense would your DH let your bio talk to you the way he does and would you take it, no. same rules apply IMO!

HarleyQuinn's picture

sorry but kids do not need therapy for their parents divorcing. the parents need to stop over kissing their back sides when they do divorce and making it all seem like a problem. If everyone carried on like its normal with reassurance to a normal degree then kids wouldnt end up entitled thinking that everytime their feelings get hurt then they get compo. How many kids ar enow in seperated families, nowadays i presume peoples are divroced unless said otherwise. And when skids get to an age of understanding and relationships themselves its even more appaling that they still cannot have respect for their parents or steps. skids are given such a easy life purely coz they are kids of divorce, treat them normal with some discipline then half of all this shiit wouldnt happen!!
He needs a kick up his bum to get his life into gear and thats what his parent needs to do, not treading on egg shells around him.In later life he will appreciate it. no teenager wants to do anything but just coz he's a skid doesnt mean that he gets a free ride

New second wife-step-mom's picture

the parents need to stop over kissing their back sides when they do divorce and making it all seem like a problem. If everyone carried on like its normal with reassurance to a normal degree then kids wouldnt end up entitled thinking that everytime their feelings get hurt then they get compo.


jumanji's picture

My youngest (18, and a girl) sleeps a lot. Has since 14 or so. She can function when needed, but will nap at any and all opportunities. To be fair, though - she's also very active, so does need the recharge time.

But sleeping like that is really quite normal for a teen.

As for his interests, aspirations, etc... What has been done to encourage him in the past? How long has Mom not been involved? A lot of kids find that thinking about/planning for their future is somewhat overwhelming. And yes, frightening. It's a parent's job to encourage them through their formative years to find what excites their child and to pursue it. It seems as though neither of this kid's parents bothered with that.

RedWingsFan's picture

My daughter will be 15 next month. She lives in Michigan with her dad. She tells me that when she comes home from school, she does her homework and her chores and then takes a nap. I remember napping after my chores and homework were done as well. I just think overall, teens need more sleep!

Unfreakingreal's picture

My 15 year old sleeps like he's in a coma. However, he gets up at 5:30am for school and gets home pretty late from sports. He only does chores when asked to and is extremely lazy. I think 15 is the age for the ultimate laziness. I get that you are concerned about the future but maybe you should have a chat with him instead. Ask him what he pictures his future to look like, what he desires and dreams of, then ask him how he intends to make that happen. This is the age to guide them, not harass them. If you harass him about nonsense, he'll just grow more resistant and angry.

New second wife-step-mom's picture

SSstb18 still sleeps alot, is failing in school, doesn't have a job and doesn't do ANY chores.

I have tried to get DH to get him involved in a trade but DH isn't worried about him supporting himself so I dropped it. I guess we will see if he eventually gets a job.

Starla's picture

Teen years seem pretty tough and their bodies require plenty of sleep. The attitude part should be nipped in the butt by his dad, the sooner the better. I think your doing the right thing coming here to vent and you are not alone!

Not sure if this will be of help but its worth a shot. Back in my teen years with a step dad myself who was overly hard on me, I thought that I was dealing with depression, did have an eating disorder (not to bad though), and I felt like I had to sleep every given chance. My mom brought me to different doctors thinking something was horribly wrong with me or I was on verge of taking my life. The attitude she got from me was anger and hate. My mom one day was chatting with a stranger and got to talking about teenagers and attitudes. This other lady shared what she did with hers and it came down to lacking vitamins. So mom and I went to the local GNC store, told them our situation, and they helped us pick out vitamins. About a week into taking them, I had motivation, energy, healthier line of thinking, and could focus again. I for the first time in years, I felt great!

If you consider that route, I would give him a chance on it then let his dad nip certain behavior in the butt.