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Is a Parential Alienator mentally ill? I believe so.

Kasey21's picture

I have just finished reading some excellent articles written by forensic psychologists on Parental Alienation and PAS. Our BM is text book stuff, its quite shocking how familiar this all sounds to me as I was reading the articles. My DH calls her Psycho but I hadnt realized how serious this condition is, to the skids. BM herself underwent PAS as a child and only got to know her bio Dad a few years before he died. Now she plays the victim so well and is surrounding herself with family who all buy into her "reality". None of the abuse allegations she has thrown at DH have been proven, she has accused him of abusing her and SD. Both investigated and proven unfounded. But now I realize that this woman is seriously ill and is badly damaging her kids. SS11 has clear signs of PAS and BM is now fighting through courts to have the skids all the time, or more of the time. She keeps insisting that the skids don't want to come over to stay with us and "what can I do? They just don't want to be around you". But her brainwashing of them has gone on for years and kicked into an obsessive phase when we bought a home together and married. Its all in the literature!! In our case DH keeps on putting his head in the sand and hoping for the best, I read the articles for me because I am trying to understand and have some pity and tolerance for this woman and her children.

Kasey21's picture

Sorry, typo in the title.......thats what I get for staying up late and reading psychology articles Smile

Kasey21's picture

That is terrible. These parents are losing their children and what a huge loss for the children too! My DH is getting depressed by all of this, he loves his kids so much and suffers as they are turned against him. The older one, now 15, its not so bad but the SD11 has become very antagonistic and doesnt want to come to stay on his weekends. It angers me that the court system doesnt appear to recognize this mental illness although it does seem hard to pin point. But as DH and his kids had a really close bond before all this started, surely the changes can be attributed to parental alienation? I have been trying to get DH to seek out an expert in this area and a better attorney but he won't. He seems to be in denial that his own children are pulling away from him, probably denial because its so painful. All I can do is be there emotionally to support him but I do get frustrated and want to shake him awake!! If my kids were subjected to this type of psychological damage I would move heaven and earth to get them away from the BM. I think DH just gets "tired" and fed up and feels that the more mean the kids get, are they worth the fight? (that sounds awful but I think thats what he feels)

Kasey21's picture

I definitely want to read that. She has to be disturbed or else extremely narcissistic. Which seems to be also part of the pattern. At this point I have had to distance myself from the kids and keep busy with my own life when they are over. The PAS at times is directed more at me than DH which is better. They are not my children so I have no huge hurt knowing they hate me. I understand its not their fault. Its the BM that is disturbed but DH won't challenge her.

PolyMom's picture

So sorry you have to deal with this. In fact I'm so sorry we all have to deal with this. I think first and foremost importance is to get the kids into therapy. If BM won't agree to it, get a lawyer and get that much done. PAS is very serious, and many judges have not only changed custody, but can order therapeutic supervised visits only because of it. It messes up a child's entire life to go through PAS. The other thing you need to do is UNDO, UNDO, UNDO. Let skids know that BM's issues are NOT their issues. They are allowed to have good relationships with every parent in their life, and BM is wrong for trying to turn them against you and DH. It is a long, expensive haul, and my DH and I have been going through this 3 years. Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot else to be done, but fight every step of the way. Letting PAS go can have deleterious long-term effects on the children. Good luck!

devastated's picture

I agree with you on how infuriating the court system is in allowing serious damage to be done to children by disturbed bios. My ss15 and sd10 both suffer severe issues because both BM and BGM are narcissistic/have borderline personality disorder. My SS has several symptoms of Aspergers and has OCD because of the miserable bitches. My SD herself is unable to attach to anyone and developing into a full on sociopath. Neither have a chance at a normal life. SS probably will hurt himself and I am just waiting for the system to deal with SD. We spent three years trying to get the courts to realize that BM completely neglected them, three years that could have at least helped reduce the amount of destruction BM caused them and they might have had a better chance in life. If you are looking for answers or the best mediator you'll ever find check out Bill Eddy is amazing and has real answers for families and individuals dealing with people like your BM.