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Has your biomom always been mentally unfit?

paganmomma's picture

Has the biomom in your situation always been unfit or was she proved to be so after a certain time.

Most Evil's picture

Apparently ours was always the same. She meets most of the criteria for bi-polar, but insists she is not bi-polar, so is untreated and self-medicates with alcohol. She is truly a joy LOL-!
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think."
Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)

LizzieA's picture

I don't know if she would be categorized as "mentally unfit" but she is infantile, irresponsible, hopeless with money, has selfish priorities and tries to manipulate with tears or anger.

mommaappel's picture

The BM is our case was diagnosed Bipolar several years into the marriage. To this day she is not consistent with her meds, only taking them on average 6 out of 12 months historically, and that counts the times she trying over and over to change the meds via her MD who really should be referring her to a psych NP or MD with knowledge of those meds. (whew, sorry a run-on sentence) But if you take she takes her meds and gets stable on them, then there would be no way to repeatedly apply for SSI for her diagnosis, in which case she would have to work like the rest of us and would stop getting assistance!!! :sick:

Amazed's picture

Is being diagnosed as a depressed,passive aggressive,frigid shrew a qualifier for "mentally unfit"

I'm being totally serious about her dianosis (except for the shrew part). Their marital therapist told her that she thinks TheFrizz needs medication for depression,therapy for her severe passive aggressiveness, and she should see a sex therapist for her lack of sex drive since it's so severe.

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland

JustAnotherSM's picture

My BM is mentally unfit. She was "special ed" and could barely take care of herself. She thought her little niece was cute, so she stopped taking birth control to have a baby of her own. DH just happened to be the lucky sperm donor. BM didn't (and still doesn't) have a clue how to raise a child.

Sharlee G's picture

My BM is diagnosed Bipolar, spends a lot of time in Pyschiatric wards in hospitals, but when shes home, she spends the rest of her time filling my stepsons head with outlandish, childlike fantasy about me and how terrible I am. People tell me to forget it and not get angry with him, but hes 17 yrs old!!! At what stage does he take responsibility for what comes out of his mouth?

bonusmom64's picture

My situation is similar to yours but my sson lives with us, and everytime he doesn't get his way he calls his mom... I'm to the point I can't deal with it anymore. He's been with us for 2 1/2 years he's going to be 17 in April.....Its been one disaster after another. Comes and goes as he please....has absolutely no manners and expects to get everything handed to him. He's also drinking and who knows what else. The minute he doesn't get his way he calls his "MOM" and she reaks havoc and undermines any type of punishiment. Makes excuse's for him and blames everyone else. She is on disability for Bi Ploar...but has all the answers on how to raise him. She has tried to kill herself many many times and drinks and takes drugs. She had absolutely no control over him when he lived with her. He actually said to his mom suck my d-ck, when he didn't get his way. Now he lives with us and its just horrible. My husband and I have 2 girls together 9 and 5. I'm thinking about getting seperated. I don't want to expose my children to all this disfunction, but yet I don't want to take away their dad. We are trying to get a PINS petition against him. Don't know what else to do...Thanks for listening.......

kidsaplenty's picture

The bm in our case has a diagnosis of mental illness. Overall I question some of her parenting methods but she does take medicine and attends counseling (last my dh knew) so she is able to parent the children. With the right treatment most persons with mental illness can be fit parents. She seems to make efforts to improve herself at times and has gone as far as to call dh and I on the phone and apologize for some PAS she did with one of the kids so I think at times she has some awareness of misteps she takes and the need to do better. My schild-5 has some marked emotional issues (extreme whininess, crying, babyish, selfishness, demanding-all qualities that can be present in kids at one time or another but his more then normal). We know it is possible he may have inherited his mother's mental illness.

imagr8tma's picture

I don't think she is mentally ill. She is actually a teacher who is pursuing finishing her masters - or maybe she has finished it by now.

I just thing that anger and vindictivness taint her judgment on alot of things.... and jealousy now too. It is to the point that she is not making good decisions on her part.

She was a spoiled child that was priviledged - and now didn't get my DH to marry her when she was pregnant - and got caught in some huge lies regarding that - and is not very happy the courts have been fair with my DH - so she takes it out on everyone.

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************

Greenfig's picture

Yeah. Ours always had issues. Attempted suicide twice before she was 18. She left the car (parents car) running in the garage, was found by her parents.

Was in therapy for 10 years. Took Lithium for manic depression (I believe it's called bipolar now). She stopped taking Lithium and had major depressive episodes. Shit really hit the wall when she had the skid. She did not want her but agreed to it because she did not want to loose her husband who really wanted a baby. She had major postpartum psychosis. She kept saying she felt like Andrea Yates. She had murderous thoughts about her baby and constantly threatened with suicide. She refused any help for her mental state. So, yeah, I would say she had a pre-existing condition.

belleboudeuse's picture

Ours, according to DH, always had issues. She was diagnosed bipolar several years into the marriage, had an extended stay in the psych ward (and on suicide watch), has had electroshock, and is now medicated but she still clearly cycles up and down, pretty severely at times. It's SUPER-FUN to deal with her as the BM. :sick:

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

iwishyouwould's picture

ss5's bm is kinda like an alcoholic with the unfit/psycho/erratic behaviour stuff - she has periods of "sobriety" so to speak. mostly that means that she doesnt see him or call us 400 times a week, dissapears for awhile and is civil, and relatively rational when she does see ss. when she isnt "sober" she calls us to the point of harassment, sobs on the phone to dh one second and then screams at him the next, says she will not bring ss home until given the opportunity to scream at me on the phone, leaves ss with drug addicted boyfriends, and is generally extremely unpleasant and stressful.

"if you don't have anything nice to say, then shut the fuck up."

Snifflingsm's picture

The BM in my situation isn’t technically diagnosed as mentally unfit. The sneaking around showing up when she’s not supposed to and now has recently accused my DH of emotional abuse.  She shows up at school and other activities so she can tell her how much she misses her And it’s so long before she can see her again. 

SD9 is expressing feelings of not wanting to come to our house because she gets in trouble and can’t use emotions to negotiate her way anymore. These expressions are normal as I see it because SD now has boundaries and isn’t able to cause chaos in our home anymore without consequences. 

The BM will not stop over communicating and has harassed us time and time again.  She creates a separation anxiety issue with SD by telling her how Much she will miss her and they will have a special day when she gets back and that she will miss her so much. As you can imagine SD dwells on the fact she doesn’t get to see her BM, even though she talks to her 2 days after she arrives and the day before SDs return. 

She shows up at school and other activities so she can tell her how much she miss her. Omg enough, she’s ok, she doesn’t need to be reminded of her every five minutes, now BM wants to give SD a phone so she can message and talk with her whenever. She is requiring that the device is not monitored and the child has internet access with no phone service.  SD can’t even focus on what she needs to do and is so irresponsible with chores and devices. 

So much for focusing on blending a family when you have an high conflict ex that won’t stop with the chaos, never wants to find a resolution but will demand what she wants at to fulfill her needs and not what is best for the SD. 

sickofstephell's picture

Yes. Who has five children and decides to suddenly leave just WEEKS after the last one was born? Only a mentally unstable person.

Gracefulsilver's picture

The BM we are dealing with has always been mentally unfit.  During high school it was well known that she is mildly mentally retarded.  During her relationship with my SO she was diagnosed as bi-polar.  She prodly tells people that she has anxiety and depression.  When SD15 was a baby the CPS took the baby away from the BM for being found walking around with the baby in the stroller while drunk and still consuming more alcohol.  SO I'd say BM has always been mentally unfit.

Rags's picture

The SpermIdiot is not mentally deficient in the least. Is is extremely intelligent but... dumber than a rock. His issues are based on his complete lack of character condition and not on lack of intelligence. 

He is an entitlement minded statutory rapist who lets his mommy support him, raise the three youngest of his four all out of wedlock spawn by three different baby mamas  and at 50yo still stalks underage girls.  Thankfully when they get close enough to get a good look at him, they laugh in his face and walk away.   My son (SpermIdiot spawn #1) detests the asshole as does my son's sister (SpermIdiot spawn #2 of 4).

Other than a significant physical resemblence my son is nothing like that POS.

shamds's picture

hot and cold constantly, lies and changing stories etc. she and her family are the same breed of dysfunction

my husband asked me earlier this year that he couldn’t understand why not 1 of his 3 kids with ex are anything like him, i’m like “look who they have for a mum??” Our 2 kids together have a mix of both our personality traits so when skids cause drama and create issues with their bio mum, our kids are what destress hubby... 

he noticed how his elder 3 have never had the same amount of affection or love like my 2 kids with hubby...

ThatOneMom's picture

Yes. She was verbally and physically abusive to DH when they were married. She cheated on him with several different people and got pregnant by strangers. She almost ran him over with a car one time, leaving a scar on his head. She went to jail for that.

In fact, as crazy as this sounds, the only reason they had their youngest child is because DH was trying to convince her to go to rehab. He said if she went to rehab, he would get her pregnant when she got out. Stupid, but he was young and naive.