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Step kids vs birth kids

kathyd's picture

Step parenting is much harder than raising my own kids. My kids are grown 30 & 21 I actually have a grand son older than my SS.

My complaint is this. If I am expected to be involved in the parenting of his son then why when I make criticisms about personal hygiene and eating habits am I given nasty looks. My kids were bathing on their own and brushing their teeth at age 7. They were also expected to eat the meal that was prepared for the whole family not given a special menu of McDonald's because he doesn't feel like eating what I've made. I know that BM doesn't rush to provide a special meal!  He is a snooper, I've caught him in my drawers playing with my jewelry and he has lit candles that were put away prior to his arrival by using a lighter that was also away yet I'm constantly told he is just curious! I'm at the point where I feel like I'm a free babysitter.

My 21 year old is still at home and working a full time job but DH doesn't hesitate to remark about his quirks! My son has OCD and is a hand washer. At least his hands are clean unlike my SS. 

Don't get me wrong, I love my SS but feel like the parenting is very one sided yet I'm expected to jump in.

Aniki's picture

I'm not certain how you relay the differences between your bios and your skid to your H, but he apparently sees this as you finding fault with his kid and the kid not measuring up to yours. Agree with your H that you will not comment on his son's quirks and he will not comment on yours. 

Who has primary custoday and where is your H when the skid is there? SS is there to spend time with his father; not you, so Daddy should be there when the skid is there. AND doing the parenting.

SeeYouNever's picture

I hate when the bio parents expect us to be mind readers and know when to step in verses when to leave it alone. It always disintegrates into the bio parent feeling like they need to defend their children from the evil step parents when the step parent attempts to do some actual parenting!