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Needing bio dad to step up

Callmerae2014's picture

I have been in this relationship for four years and I'm engaged but kind of taking a step back because I can see were things may head south quickly. I have three sons  between 22 to 28 years old and none of them live at home. My fiancé has a son who is now in grade 12. My fiancé works two weeks home and two weeks away so when he comes home his son was with us and this past year and a bit was living with me full-time because he didn't like things at his moms house,"( arguments with mom and husband). I think bio parents should do the discipline but what happens when they haven't a clue on what to do and in my case, my fiancé is gone half the time?  I've repeatedly brought up different things about teaching life skills and my fiancé says it makes sense when I talk to him about it, he tries to follow through with his son and then drops it. They have a parent/child relationship but the son is more the parent than the dad. His son is well mannered but just extremely lazy. He's never had a curfew or had any responsibilities in the house prior to me coming into the picture four years ago. He's grown up eating fast food (stories of him demanding McDonald's at age 4 sound funny to some but that's how he was raised) and will eat very little else. He is used to doing as he pleases in absolutely any way in both households and my kids were raised with curfews, jobs, knowing how to cook, chore charts etc. After a few speeding tickets and stunting tickets he ended up back at his moms house. I am rather thankful for that. I am upset because my fiancé's ex sent him a text that says the son doesn't want to be around me because I have rules and he thought the rules would be the same living at my home, and his ex said that he and my fiancé used to get along better before I came into the picture. I saw the text message months after it was sent and my fiancé didn't tell me about it because he said he doesn't take too seriously what his ex has to say. Yes his son is in grade 12 and now 18 but being raised in this fashion I can see a lot of long-term issues coming up. I recognize that I can't change a child who has been raised 18 years without any rules, I'm just scared what the consequences of that will be. It builds a certain resentment and frustration to see a child raise themselves.