You are here

We aren't perfect, but we do our best

SRae's picture
Forums: 

I myself sometimes feel the need to just vent all of my frustrations, but aren't there good things to vent about to? My H and I have been together about a year and a half-married 7 months after getting together. Looking back I think we both realize that we moved a bit too quickly, but we love each other and we are committed to our marriage and family. I have a BS age 4 and a SS age 6. BS FT and SS 50/50 custody. Co-parenting in this situation isn't for everyone, but it's what we want for our family. We argue and disagree but we also talk things out and do our best to meet in the middle. Both of us want what is best for our boys and have to be understanding that bonding and blending takes time. Some days are great, and some days i'm so angry and frustrated that I question what I got myself into. But at the end of the day I'm thankful for the messy days that we overcome, because we always come out stronger. I'm thankful that I have a H that is a great father to his own son but also shows my BS love, attention, and affection. I'm thankful that I can come home and cook (I love cooking btw) a nice meal for my boys and in turn my H cleans the kitchen. I'm thankful that we both agree that we can always be working on ourselves to be better. I'm thankful that even if I am not my SS's BM I still have a special role in his life. I'm thankful that tomorrow is always a new day. And i'm thankful that though our dynamic may pose some challenging seasons, that we all have a lot of love for each other. I live for moments that my SS and BS cuddle up next to me instead of dad and I feel like I must be doing something right.

What are you thankful for in your blended family?

bakedsalmon's picture

I'm thankful that my sd was caught having sex and the boys parents are being loud about it so dh can't just keep his eyes shut to what a monster she is. How many times can you be pressured into sex? How many times can it not be her fault?

SRae's picture

If you don't mind me asking, how old is your SD? I mean I don't agree with the kids having sex under my roof, but teens do it ya know? Do you remember being a teen? Did you grow up in a blended family. I know I made some bad choices as a teen just for the want to feel close to someone because I didn't have a great relationship with either of my parents.

SRae's picture

And it sounds like there is a history of sexual abuse in her past? Do you know how common it is for young children of sexual abuse to have issues with promiscuity?? I don't know the in's and out's of your relationship with her, or her relationship with the Bio Parents, but when my SS acts out I try to look at where it might be coming from and how sometimes his actions are due to the fact that he's not with us FT. We can't turn a blind eye and excuse negative behavior, but we can do our best to try to understand where they are coming from.

bakedsalmon's picture

She hasn't been sexually abused she is just really good at manipulating others. She knew she could use my dad as an excuse so she went for it.

bearcub25's picture

That SD will be 18 in 24 months and graduated in 26. We have her full time, 7 years in May, and BM doesn't pay CS or help much in any form.

My DSO is very good about thinking once a kid graduates high school, or is 18 if they have quit, time for them to figure shit out and get on with their life.

SRae's picture

Thank you. We may face more problems as time goes on but it seems the general consensus is SD's are much harder to handle. I'll continue to count my blessings Smile

bearcub25's picture

My SS' were actually worse than SD. SD realized that living with DSO and I, she got to do cheerleading, have sleep overs and go do things.

The boys blindly believed their Mother and it has cost them a relationship with their Father, SS23 and SS17. The 17yo didn't want to live with us bc BM promised him all sorts of stuff. SS17, 12 then, decided to become violent and try and destroy my home. I work for a state agency and didn't need cops and CPS up my butt, which could've impacted my job, so he got to go live with BM and be miserable.

Rags's picture

SRae,

You and your DH are equity life partners and equity parents to the kids in your blended family home. That is the formula for success. Anything less has nearly a 100% chance of failure IMHO.

You and DH keep up the good work and enjoy your lives and family together.

I admire your success and great attitude.