Family photos?
Forums:
Are any of your spouses still taking family photos with kids and ex wife? The divorce was finalized two years ago And the kids school requested a family photo. (Kids are in elementary school) I found out later about this and suggested something like a quick photo outside of the house or two photos are taken into school but the ex wife scheduled family photos at a photography studio with matching outfits. Is this a stretch to helping the kids cope?
NO. This is ridiculous. I'm
NO. This is ridiculous. I'm sure the school has other divorced parents and would understand that children from divorced families have two families, so they should be able to submit a photo w/ BM and family and your spouse and family.
My thoughts exactly!
My thoughts exactly! I can’t be certain if they did family photos together last year but things have changed since I came along. They used to do family movie nights, shopping trips together, etc before me. I put an end to that and was caught off guard when I found out about the family photo shoot only because he forgot he agreed to do it and the BM proceeded to blow up his phone.
The divorce was a messy one, that’s for sure and the BM was the cause of it. And BD feels bad for the kids and I think sometimes says yes to stuff because of that. Even though her actions ended the marriage.
No way!!!! Never! My SS11 a
No way!!!! Never! My SS11 a few years ago had to send in a family photo for a thing they did. He got a photo from each house. I would divorce my DH if he ran off and took matching outfit family photos with a woman that wasn’t me. F that noise!!!
That's crazy. If the school
That's crazy. If the school wants pictures of the family, they can have one with BM and the kids and one with dad and the kids. My SO would not be my SO for long if he went and took family pictures with his ex and the skids. He is family with his children, but his ex-wife is no longer part of the family.
Red Flag
Big Red Flag is DH agreed to this. He know this is B.S. He should contact the kids teachers and find the real story. He not over EX wife !!!!!
Little one's school had a
Little one's school had a family photo album in the preschool classroom and then in kindergarten they have a folder that they can decorate. They also did a few projects with family photos. At no point did BM need to get a new photo of her, the kids, and BD.
I actually was REALLY happy when he brought home one of the photo crafts they did. It was two sided. On one side it was him and BM and on the other it was him and SO. The photo was actually lifted from my face book before I locked it down but honestly it didn't upset me.
This year BM actually contacted me asking for a photo of us so she could make a page for his book. Instead of doing just one picture she used multiples to fill in the space. Some of her and him, her and both of them, him and just his dad, then even one of SO, me, and both kids.
DH could have quietly contacted the school to figure out what they needed it for. Divorce isn't all that new and sometimes kids CAN'T have fresh photos of their families for other reasons. Schools are getting much better at already thinking ahead to make things work for all sorts of families. SO's school still does “dad” and “mom” days at school but it very clearly says ANY parent or guardian is welcome. I went last year and they even had a “mom” visitor sticker on “dad's” day to match the one's they were' giving dads.
Long story short I don't agree with the need to go to a professional “as a family.” It's just too much of a hassle. I like you have NO issue with a photo at school or whatever. The problem is while my partner agrees with me for some reason yours doesn't. Now one thing to consider is it doesn't mean he wants to play big happy family to get back with her BUT that we have all these outside people now plastering “when the kids come first” pictures that make it seem like if you can't copy you're bad parents. Talk to him about it without accusing. Explain your feelings without condemning.
Thank you
Thank you for the level headed response and making me dial it down a bit. I know BM is doing this to get me to react, she’s a master manipulator and sometimes I forget that and let her get under my skin.
You are absolutely correct, I know he has zero interest in going back to her. And sure, what family wouldn’t love to be able to have a healthy coparenting relationship and put the kids first but sometimes it’s unrealistic. We have discussed this before in a healthy format and it’s just creeping up in my brain again because the photo shoot is a few days away. To make matters worse we have to see BM today for a kids activity and I know I’ll be trying my best to fake it with her around the kids.
Sometimes I wonder how all of you strong women get though these things. She’s done everything from stalking me, saying bad things about me to the kids, falsifying text convos between her and BD that they were getting back together, etc. But I try to remember if I feed into her drama, even internally, she wins.
Question. Did DH buy into family matching outfits
Family photo shoot. Your first posting, it look like your SO was all for the family photo shoot? You did not say , So said, look at what BM is doing ?, , That SO was buying this all the way, never question BM.
Yea
Yes, he’s a guy and doesn’t think it’s a big deal. They’re all doing the jeans and white shirt look....*scratch_one-s_head*
As a guy,
if I was not with someone else, Then maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal. But once with someone else, he knows it is. Would he like you taking Christmas photos with your old lover? And his family’s. Don’t think so. This for the kids thing is one bad excuse. If they were so concerned about the kids, they would be still married. They did not care about the family when they did what they did.
As a "guy", maybe, but as a
As a "guy", maybe, but as a "man", it should be a big deal regardless of whether or not you were with someone else. If you've ended that relationship or marriage with that woman, wouldn't you want the possibility of being with someone else? Even if you already aren't? Don't you think normal women would find that strange? Why promote the facade of a "fake family" that no longer exists. If you're not together you're not a family...bottom line! And yes, if they were concerned for the kids they would still be married you are 100% correct but this is bizzare and it's up to the man to not allow this nonsense to continue once the "family" is no more (regardless of whether he has "someone else" or not). Hopefully he'd want to find someone else and be able to show his children what a proper marriage and family looks like one day, not create dysfunction and confusion.
Not only no but hell no.
Not only no but hell no.
Far from helping these kids cope this type of thing will F them up big time if it continues.
IMHO of course.
Framed?
Sheesh...sounds like a use-the-kids ploy for BM's needy, self-serving fantasy. She's stirring the pot. Let DH take the spoon away. He needs to man up to the ex and stop this kind coercive conjuring once and for all.
This behavior will confuse the children and put "first family" idealistic notions in their head. It's a visual lie that gratifies BM, but does not help the kids transition into acceptance in a healthy way. "Here's a photo of our happy family two years after the divorce." That is absolutely laughable! If BM is allowed to continue this sort of manipulation, she will never stop and the "first family" notions will prevent the kids from fully accepting that their parents have separate lives.
A photo with kids and DH and a SEPARATE ONE with kids and BM. This says - "BM and DH are NOT TOGETHER." The children can give the two photos to the teacher. I don't think the teacher thought this one out (and divorced families are a dime a dozen these days).
Absolutely!
Absolutely!
We have been in this exact
We have been in this exact situation. Elem. school assignment wants family photo.
What we did - sent in OUR family photo! And after seeing the finished result, BM did the same.
It was never a question as to how that would take place. It just did. BUT, that is because my SO didn't flinch when the assignment came about. This is our family and that is her family.
(Shocking in my instance bc BM would have done exactly what is happening in your situation had she been received positively. However she is not LOL)