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Well the issue came out!

Biostep7777's picture

I had my deposition on Friday (posted about it on another post in family law section)

 They kept bringing up how to HCBM it seems to her that my husband has a better relationship with my kids then his own. How she feels that when we came in the picture he put me and my kids before his. Apparently from what she says his kids feel the same way and that caused a strain in the relationship between him and the kids. Well first of all if this is true why has she never brought it up. When my husband suggested therapy she declined. He wants more time with them and she says "no, you should have them less" so that's very interesting to me. 
Second, My husband doesn't treat my kids any different. However, I will say my husband DOES have a better relationship with my kids than his own. This is not from anything HE did though but rather that my kids have two parents who support each other, support each other's spouses and my kids feel no loyalty bind to love who they want to love. They call my husband their second dad. They hug him and tells him they love him when they leave to go to their dad's house right in front of their dad and dad fully supports this and is thrilled to have another adult around who loves our children. My husband's kids on the other hand have a bitter, petty jealous mother who doesn't support our family and makes no secret of how much she hates our guts so OBVIOUSLY the relationship is going to be different. She will not hear it! She's convinced he loves my kids more and she has made their kids believe this. Has anyone else dealt with this? 

Thumper's picture


 THIS is right out of the standard,  HCBM's handbook "how to win everything I want in family court. AND get a monthly check from my x too'.

Fictitious book, but it sure seems like there is one.

HCBM's are mostly cut from the same cloth.

It was not until I found ST years and years AND years ago,  that I learned HCBM's  say the same stuff AND get away with it to boot.  Honestly my dh and I thought we were the only ones.

This is part of the play book...sad thing is it works in court.






FinallySkidFree's picture

Yes, our BM used to do this. She would say things like "you left your kids to raise some other b&^%$es kids?" Mind you, my kids were grown except for my youngest, who was 2 when DH and I started dating. DH exercised his parenting time like clockwork. One time, BM decided to withhold the kids on Fathers Day, my DH cried. It broke my heart, it was the straw that broke the camels back, she had withheld them any time she was pissed off at my DH, so I told him on that day - "If she wants to keep the kids from you, STOP BEGGING FOR THEM! When she sees you DGAF about seeing them or not, she will panic and start calling. So he followed my lead. Sure enough, she didn't hear from him for the entire summer that year and he and I had the best summer ever, living our lives without ANY kids because my kids were also with their dad. As soon as she saw that he was paying her and her kids NO MIND, she stopped her crap. "Oh you don't love your kids anymore? You haven't seen them in 8 weeks!" He replied "You don't want me to see them right? So shove them up your a$$" That was the LAST time she withheld the kids from DH. She was and continues to be so predictable.

Rags's picture

You and DH played this masterfully.  You found the exact tactic for driving BM to extricate her head from her ass.

Absolutely brilliant.

FinallySkidFree's picture

She freaked because he had NEVER EVER done something like that. He was afraid. I told him "Please don't be fooled, she doesn't want to be stuck with her kids, she just wants to make sure YOU are heartbroken and she wants you to beg her for them. So DON'T." Like clockwork....she was blowing up his phone with the GUILT MESSAGES, "Oh that's how it is? You forgot about your kids? You don't love them anymore? You have new kids to take care of right?" 

Worked like a damn charm.



Rags's picture

When guilt and fee fees are removed from the equation by the quality side, playing the toxic side becomes a very clear path to follow.

I am happy that you and DH worked together to put BM in her place.

Biostep7777's picture

This wouldn't work with us. She wants these kids to have literally nothing to do with us. She would be happy if DH just gave up parental rights (but still paid her of course) it's the strangest thing. This is a man who adores his children, pays child suppprt every month, pays for all their sports, medical, we have a wonderful loving home with everything a kid could want and need. They have bikes, basketball hoops, video games, crafts, books, tons of clothes, pets! We spend time with them and talk with them. We support them abd teach them. We have family values that we stand by. We are loving, kind, caring, secure, safe yet she acts like our hind is the house of horrors! Lol! It's sooooooo strange. She tries to make normal things seem tragic. Like my daughters got into a fight one day and she made it seem like they have mental issues and it's too stressful on her kids. Haaahahaha!! Because her kids NEVER fight. Yeah, okay! They fight worse then mine! She just can't handle DH having a living home with a wife, secure job and she's single. I don't know. It's very strange! 

Rags's picture

Sadly I do not believe that the crap that the BM in your blended family world pulls is all that strange. It is definitely not unusual. 

Many XW/BMs have similar perspectives. Daddy is for a pay check and demonizing to their children, for victimizing for life because these trophy/money breeder BMs think that squeezing out a puppy is some great accomplishment rather than a basic biological function that countless billions of women can do and many millions do every single day.  Whoopty frickin do.  Much like my SS's SpermIdiot waves his flag of breeding 4 all out of wedlock children by three different baby mamas.  No great accomplishment considering any male with functioning gonads.  Neither capability makes them a good parent. That takes far more than functioning procreative organs.  It takes character, intelligence, and commitment. Something that so many in the blended family opposition that many of us struggle with show no indications of possessing.

With these types of toxic BM's dad needs to treat them as the womb donors that they are and do nothing but pay the prostitution on the installment plan/womb rental payments demanded by the courts until their children age out from under the CO and the dads can engage in relationships with their children without any consideration or give a shit about the toxic X.

A toxic manipulative money grubbing BM is no more or less rare or detestable than the proverbial dead beat dad who goes to the ends of the earth to avoid supporting his children or living up to his fatherly obligations.

Toxic and evil is detestable regardless of which gender it takes the form of.  Sadly, the kids are the ones that suffer when they are cursed with a shallow and polluted end to their gene pool.  Or worse, an entirely shallow and polluted gene pool.