New here seeking opinions regarding troubled SS
Without writing a book quick backstory. DH is the father to two VERY Difficult children. 13 year-old SS And 10-year-old SS. Both children are rude, Disrespectful, steal, lie have MULTIPLE mental health issues and Generally just difficult to be around. Yes they are under the care of many social workers and Psychiatrists but in my Opinion doesn’t seem to do much. Then add a BM who babies them and allows them to run wild because “they have issues” and can’t help it.
Now on to the Latest issue... SS10 Punched a kid at camp and DH was trying to talk to SS about it. SS10 of course refused to talk about it and then SS13 jumped in to help gang up on DH which he is famous for. DH has no balls when it comes to his kids and they know it. At this point with both kids giving DH a hard time I decided it was time for me to get involved. At this point both kids turn on me but I don’t back down like DH does and told SD13 to mind his own Business and to stay out of the Conversation that DH was having with SS. Well you can Imagine that went over like a fart in church. SS10 at this point tried to kick me luckily the little bastard is the size of a 6 yr old so I could hold him off. Ss13 got in my face telling me how he NEVER really liked me bitch.
At this point I had it with SS13 and decided to confront he about what we knew he was doing regarding our wine cellar. This was something we were going to do when SS10 was not around BUT I was so pissed I was like ok let’s do this right now. Ok let’s back up some. A few months earlier we noticed SS 13 started coming over with lots of new Electronics/Expensive clothes. When we asked about them he said they were borrowed from a “friend”. We did not believe he so when he was not home we checked his room. Sure enough we found price tags for all the Expensive merchandise he purchased hidden in his closet. Now to find out where he is getting the money from. Turns out he was “raiding” our wine/Liquor cellar and refilling with water and selling to his friends.
So this all came out and Ss13 turned WHITE as a ghost when we told him. It was awesome. Of course she Denied everything but could not tell us where he got all the money to pay for all the new things he Purchased. At this point he knew he was caught and in trouble so what does he do?? Calls mommy to come bail he out. We had no clue he did this. Both SS 13 and SS10 took off and swore NEVER to return again (no such luck) when BM pulled up.
This happened last month. SS10(unFortunately) came back BUT I dug my heals in regarding SS13 I told DH Regardless what “mental issues” SS13 has he can’t be stealing shit and treating us like crap. There needs to be Consequences for what he did. Now everyone feels sorry for SS13 because DH is not running to his rescue. Everyone thinks DH should basically forget what happened and start fresh and work on healing the relationship. Yes I get it he’s the adult and his the child but come on. No consequences? opinions?
Well, I'm not sure how
Well, I'm not sure how banning him from the house is an actual punishment if bm let's him do anything he wants. If I were your dh, I would keep taking my child during my time and parent him as a punishment. I would contact the local police and ask them for a "scared straight squad" to come over a frighten the little fart so much over the stolen wine he wouldn't dare try that stunt again. Then I would take everything he loved out of his room and make him earn it back, bit by bit.
Oh we already tried the local police
And DH got his ass handed to him in family court by the judge for calling the police to scare his poor defenseless child. Oh and the police never even came we just Threatened to call if the Little delinquent did not tell us where he got the money from. Even the threat of the police would not get the brat to spill the beans
UGH - dad should immediately
1. Put lock on liquor cabinent. And btw, I know people in intact families who do this.It is called parenting.
2. Confiscate all expensive electronics, clothes, etc. Dad should tell the kid, he will get it back only if he provides the name and phone number of the friend. Demand to speak to firends parents.
This sounds like a crazy
This sounds like a crazy situation, and no offense, OP, but you are contributing to it. I get that you are totally overwhelmed and sick of this crap, but going off on a kid in a tit-for-tat manner when you have reached your limit will not help. He says he never liked you and you are a bitch, so to retaliate, you tell him that you know he's stealing your wine and selling it to his friends? Why did no one do anything about the wine theft prior? Why was it saved up to throw in his face later?
You have to get out of this situation. Your DH won't parent out of fear of BM, and you can't do it because no one respects your authority and backs you up. Get out.
Holy crap this. Get out of
Holy crap this. Get out of this chaos. The stress of all this craziness is going to affect your health (if it hasn't already). And from what you describe - it will never get better! Probably it will gwt worse.
Oof.
Oof.
Your DH and BM are enabling these sh*t stains to be future menaces to society.
If your DH refuses to man up and grow a pair I think your only option is for you to, if you choose to remain in this marriage.
Lock everything up like Fort Knox. Look into some self-defense classes.
What creeps.
I don’t know if these kids are mentally ill or no
But no one is parenting them. They do what they want and that it. You should start saving your money for lawer when they get into trouble with the law. What seems like it’s going to be in the not to distant future.,
you can not let your SK steal from you. You must disengage from all of this. Do not let SS stay at your home. Your DH can not control his kids, No reason to put up with this bull, you DH can see his kids outside of your home. You will not put up with this. No reason for this, these kids will never be in your life. So cut ties now
I Agree
with Tog, momjeans, and SteppedOut.
All of this mess is faaar above your pay grade. These TWO parents have screwed up their sons, and things are going to get much worse as they age. These boys are already violent, and you know your H isn't man enough to protect you from them, so what do you think will happen to you, the perceived bad guy, when these boys are six foot tall, seething with anger, and hopped up on hormones?
Save yourself while you can.