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SS won't go to bed without BF there

iris288's picture

Youngest SS has been super wired last few weekends and ignorning bedtime - still awake at 10:30-11pm (he's 7). He shouts at BF for being told to go to sleep, and then ultimately BF curls up on couch with him and waits for him to fall asleep, and then sleeps down there. 

We are in a new house (since early December), and the SSs (7 and 9) bedroom is downstairs and we are upstairs. I'm getting frustrated that BF might be setting a precident that it is okay that SS is staying up so late, and that his dad has to be around for him to sleep. He can sleep alone, and should, he's 7! I want to sleep in my bed with my partner! 

Any suggestions? I also encourage BF that maybe he shouldn't be getting deserts if he already is high energy as I think it probably contributes to him staying up longer. BF said, well I stay down there because I don't want him bugging us in our bedroom. Well if he comes up, send him back to his room! Arg. 

 

futurobrillante99's picture

Your BF needs to man up and deal with the shouting, but he needs to make staying up late a VERY boring proposition. No TV, no Internet, no blue screens, no snacks, no attention, etc.

It will take a little while to get the kid adjusted, but high energy kids need to have an earlier dinner that will help them sleep (nothing with caffeine or too much sugar), some exercise, then at least 30 minutes to an hour with NO bluescreens.

Does your BF have the dedication to do a new routine?

I would honestly tell him to keep sleeping on the sofa even when his kids aren't there if he isn't going to man up and discipline the kid.

Floral_SM's picture

This sounds like just bad behaviour all around too. Definitely set up a routine with a wholesome dinner in his tummy, no sugary desserts and soft lighting with a book to read in bed at 7pm and lights out at 7.30pm. He will eventually fall asleep. If he refuses your bf need to find a way to parent him and show that he won't cave in. Keep telling him to go to his bed. Children will eventually understand it's a losing battle for them when parents are consistent. 

iris288's picture

Yes yes yes! I feel like BF struggles with consistency, gets tired of being disciplinarian, when I think if he just stuck to his guns, he'd see improvments with time much better than being spotty with following through on consequences.

futurobrillante99's picture

You have to make the prospect of NOT disciplining his son MORE painful than the effort to discipline him.

I'd honestly make him sleep on the couch until he fixes this situation. I'd go on strike and when his kids were there, I'd be somewhere else. Put it ALL on him to do things for his kids: meals, laundry, etc.

iris288's picture

Good call - I feel like if the TV gets shut off, that will make it really unattractive to be awake. Plus, screen time messes with their circadian rhythm. Maybe a switchover to lego or some drawing earlier in the evening.. 

futurobrillante99's picture

Their FATHER has to do this - not you. You can suggest it, but if their father won't do it, he needs to experience the discomfort from you. Disengage and do your own thing - take care of your own, only.

Rags's picture

Knock his as sout with melatonin.  Not for use every night, but.... give yourself a break.

The real problem is daddy.  He needs to grow and pair and plant the kid in bed.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Survivingstephell's picture

My daughter has been taking Melatonin every night since the pandemic started.  Talk to his doctor and see what they suggest about amount.  She's had no problems with it.  
 

My suggestion is that for every morning that has trouble, bedtime gets moved back 15 minutes. You can try it on SS too.  Sleeping issues almost always make for terrible mornings.  At least in my experience.  

iris288's picture

This is totally the case - SS7 is CRAZY in the morning - literally will not use an inside voice and will RUN around the house. I let BF get up and deal with it, and try to go back to sleep, but it is too loud. I definitely think they are tied.