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bedroom rules/policies

Ondasash's picture

I have an infant and toddler both boys. I have a SD 11 years old. My Infant co-sleeps with myself and SO. My toddler is 4 years old and sleeps in his room finally. He used to sleep in our room alot but now that he isn't in pull ups he is a big boy now! There is times where it's me and boys alot at home and if I'm cleaning the room my son and baby are in there playing or my son is just talking to me. SD is usually gone somewhere to her BM or grandparent house. So here is my problem. Sorry if long. When my SO is taking a shower I make my toddler son and SD stay out of room. I tell them go on somewhere. Sometimes if SD isn't home SO doesn't mind for the toddler to be in room if I'm in there too. When I take shower and SO is in the bedroom with the baby, he doesn't make his daughter leave the room! Like yesterday I got out of shower and needed my bra that I forgot to bring in with me. I heard her voice playing with the baby and her daddy on theher bed. I got mad in my head b/c I needed to get some stuff but couldn't walk out freely b/c SD was in there. I open the door and ask for my bra. My SO hands it to SD to give to me! What the hell?!?! I wouldn't dare do that to him! She would have been out of the room anyways. Then I needed something else and she gonna ask where it is. I said never mind and toweled up and got it myself. After I got dressed I left them in the room and sat in the living room fuming. Am I wrong for being mad? I just feel that if I make kids get out for his privacy and freedom in our room then he should too. Especially his 11 year old daughter who knows to much and plus we have things in there no kid should see. Especially at 11 and up! What are your rules/policies on bedroom? Am I over reacting? I don't like SD much either but still.I want my space. That should be the one place I have to myself w/o any kids. Including my own. Right?

RedWingsFan's picture

Our bedroom (which has a bathroom in it) is OFF LIMITS to any children, period, whatsoever. I never have this issue.

There are PLENTY of other rooms and I'm sorry, but our bedroom is our private space and there's no need for anyone other than DH and I to be in there.

Set boundaries, but be fair. If you ban SD from your room, all children (except your infant, since he still co-sleeps and is too young to know any different) are banned.

TASHA1983's picture

You have a right to expect and want privacy before, after, and during your/dh showers. SD should be in any other room but your room when you want to take a shower, she is waaaay too old to be seeing you or dh in your b-day suits...ever. I understand if you dont mind dh, and bio kids in the room because that is your husband and those are your kids but SD? I dont like SS11 either so I definitely dont want him in my bedroom PERIOD! My bedroom is MINE and no one but myself and BF are allowed in it!!!

napamom's picture

I have this same problem because like you, I have a 9 month old and a 2 year old that are often in the bedroom. I solved it by walking out of the bathroom into my room in a very skimpy bra and underwear while SD 13 was lounging on our bed. Trust me...not an issue anymore. BTW...You are not wrong at all by our DH's are super dense at times.

Not_what_I_wanted's picture

Had same problem. I made it VERY clear that NO KIDs (mine or his) are to be in our room EVER. I told DH, do not let them in here, especially when we are in the shower. I have walked out naked and there is SD in our room. She got an eye full, and DH got an ear full after that. I was pissed, and they ALL knew it after that. I have walked out of the shower and our door has been wide open, also. If he doesn't want it done to him, then dont do it to me.

Its called consideration and respect. They have their own rooms, we do not hang out in them. I do not expect them to hang out in ours, for any reason.

amber3902's picture

I have to agree with Echo. You've smudged the boundaries.

It seems like you are expecting SO to read your mind. I bet SO doesn't even notice that you make the kids stay out of the room when he's taking a shower. And SO probably thought since SD is a girl and you're girl it's okay for her to give you your bra.

Best thing is tell your DH that you realize it's not good for any of the kids to be in the bedroom. Like Redwing said - set boundaries but be fair. Bedroom is off limits to ALL kids except the infant.

My rule is if the bedroom door is closed/locked kids are to knock if there is an emergency. If the door is open they can come in. But my bedroom is not connected to my bathroom so that's not a problem.

I think if I lived in a house where the bathroom was connected to my bedroom, I'd either throw on a housecoat or towel before coming out of the bathroom. I have a D14, and even though she's my daughter I don't think she'd like to see me naked. Smile Really, is it such an inconvenience to throw on a housecoat or wrap a towel around you before you go back into the bedroom if you forget something?

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Listen to this one! I have had a total of FOUR males in my home, at one time with only one bathroom and two bedrooms. I can't even barely take a wizz or even change my own clothes in private.

There is a total of TWO acres here so why does HIS son, SS8 need to be in MY bedroom and jumping up and down on MY coach like a playground?

Yes, I mentioned this very nicely to DH. "Please can you not allow jumping up and down on MY furniture anymore. If you want that, you can go drag something off of the street to use. I earned this room. Thanks sooooo much, DH!" }:)

Ondasash's picture

I totally agree with all! My son knows to knock our door. I have taught him actually he isn't allowed in "And Love Room" unless we say so. He understands a bit. SO does know I make them get out tho when he is showering. I agree it is our room. No kids period. Not even mine except the baby for now. I didn't mention this to SO last night b/c I didn't know how to let him know nicely. Lol. I was pissed! Its ok for a robe or house coat but I feel if I'm in my room then I have the right to be naked in it as well. Lol thank u all tho. Glad to know I'm not over reacting much.

amber3902's picture

It was probably better that you didn't say anything when you were so pissed. It would have come out all wrong and might have started an argument.

Now that you've calmed down you can talk to your SO about it and explain how you feel.

I get what you're saying about it's your room and you have the right to be naked. LOL. I guess I've always let my girls hang out in my bedroom so I always put my clothes on in the bathroom after taking a shower. I don't want them to see me naked and scar them for life! LOL!! :jawdrop:

Newstep's picture

Our bedroom is off limits!!! Took me a while to get that through SO's hard head but it finally worked. I have always had that policy with my bios so I was shocked when SD would just waltz in our room without knocking. That was a fight that I fought till the end. SO wanted to argue that she would get her feelings hurt and what if she needed something blah blah blah. She is 13 or she was 11 at the time the fight started well old enough to take care of herself is she needed something. Other than an emergency she is not allowed in our room for any reason what so ever.

Spaf1025's picture

Your bedroom is your sanctuary and I feel your pain! I don't have any advice as I'm dealing with something similar. My sd8 has "nightmares" almost every night and dh let's her sleep the rest of the night in our bed. It so gross, I don't want that kid in my room, let alone my bed! I told dh that it bugs me and she's too old for that but he "feels bad" because she's jealous that our NEWBORN gets to sleep in our room. He has improved and makes her go back to bed some of the time but it still happens frequently. I get so mad that I take the baby and sleep in the living room. There's no reason that kids that old need to be in an adults bedroom, ever!

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Woah Nelly! There is no way in hell that I would allow my stepwhatever AND MY HUSBAND TO TAKE OVER MY BEDROOM. And a NEWBORN?!!!!!

Do you really let them stay in there together and go out to the livingroom, with the baby?!

Ondasash's picture

I wouldn't go to living room. I would wake her ass up and make her go to her room! Or just drag her lol. But I understand u wanting to go to living room. You don't have to deal with the SO complaining or SD whining. Lol. It may be more peaceful. The husband should not want to sleep with SD at that age. Kinda gross... on his part.

Spaf1025's picture

I know, I really need to have a talk with dh about how serious I am. I told him it bothers me and he knows why I go sleep in the livig room so all he did was keep her all on his side so she doesnt take up my side, but I need to step it up. I'm telling him when he gets home that I won't tolerate it, he is welcome to go sleep with the kid in her bed if he's so concerned about her feeling jealous. I've been stewing over this all day and after getting advice here and talking to my sister I realize just how wrong this is.

Thanks!

Spaf1025's picture

That's how it feels sometimes, like shes a mini wife! I'm not at all saying I'm ok with that, but if he's so concerned about her then to me him going to her room is better than her being in my room. We talked about it last night & of course sd came in our room around 2 like usual but he put her back to bed. Hopefully he keeps it up, I was prepared to tell her to go back to bed if dh let her in. Dh laughed when I said he can go sleep in her bed, like that's crazy but honestly I wouldn't be surprised. He always "feels guilty" because her mom doesn't love her. I told him
In real life nobody is going to give her special treatment because her moms a skank so he's setting her up for failure. He said he never thought about it like that.. We'll see if anything really changes in the long run. I'll believe it when I see it. Thanks for the input!

smartone's picture

Ugggghhhhh your post just drudged up something I had finally not thought about daily! LOL When I was out of town, bf took care of our pets and stayed in my house (until the wknd he had his kids and then he came over once each day). Well, I was clear across the country when he told me over the phone that he had watched a PG-13 movie with his 7 yr old daughter. In my bed! Because SHE WANTED TO! AS IF THAT MAKES IT OKAY. He has two other children who were somewhere else in my house. MY HOUSE! All he had to do was take 15 mins to take care of the pets and leave, but noooooooooo. When I addressed it when I got back, he actually defended what he did and didn't see anything wrong with it. SMH

sarebear's picture

I know what you mean about allowing your little ones in once in awhile....I have twin toddlers that come in some as well (only if I need to get something or put something away) but I am trying to let that happen less and less as they get older. My skids at first thought it was perfectly fine to go into our room whenever they felt like it. They are 11 and 6. I had to tell them over and over to KNOCK if the door was closed. My SD wants to sleep with us because she sleeps with her mom but there is no way I'm going to allow that. I don't even allow our twins to sleep with us. If there is a problem, I take the child to their room and settle them there. If my SD comes into our room in the middle of the night, my DH takes her back to her room. It was hard at first but they are finally getting it. I definitely feel strongly about boundaries. Our room is supposed to be off limits but sometimes it's ok to come in. I remember as a kid that even if my parents bedroom door was open, I'd knock on the door frame and avoid looking in. We each have our own bedrooms, no need to share!!