SS Has Never Talked to Me without me Initiating
Hello! Been a while since I posted. Overall things have been "so so". My 13 almost 14 yr old SS lives here every other week for almost 2 years. I have been in his life for the past 5 years. His older sisters didn't want to live with us and moved in fulltime with BM then 2 of them went off to university.
SS gets on my nerves in the worst way! Generally I really like children but he is the different than most kids. I myself have 3 sons (22, 18 and 12) so I know boys and generally find them easy to get along with. My SS has NEVER said a word to me without me initiating. He only says " Hey" if I say hi first. Over the years I have tried so hard to get to know him. Tried talking to him more, buying gifts and treats for him that his parents couldn't afford including new clothes, deodorant, body sprays, and hair cuts so he wouldn't be a social outcast.
He is a VERY awkward teen with a BM that hates me and bad mouths both me and his dad. He isn't a very attractive kid to say it nicely and has no friends. When he does try to interact with my kids he only communicates by comparing things and debating which then turns to fighting and anger. He can't just talk for the purpose of connecting with someone. He can only communicate by bickering about why his things are better including his phone, fav sport, school, music or sports team are better and literally challenges any boy my son brings into the house to prove he is a faster runner or a better basketball player by a dual/match lol.
He completely ignores me and seems shy around me. He stays in his room for most of the time he is at our home playing xbox or watching movies occasionally coming out to shower, get food or chat briefly to his dad while completely ignoring the others.
He has an annoying habits of being loud while playing xbox. It's like he is a different social being on xbox while he is socially awkward in real life. He also has a loud throat clearing sound that he makes ALL the time. It sounds like he snorts back his snot and swallows it!!
I have told my DH to tell him to stop his annoying habits and talk to him about how he feels about living here. Apparently, SS says everything is fine. I also know DH doesn't push any issues he is afraid of losing him like the girls.
Guess it's been harder lately because my DH is currently unemployed and I have been the sole supporter for the family including my SS. His parents are currently in court fighting over child support dollars (his ex is a lazy gold digger and wants more $). It's hard to feel bitter when I have to support my SS who doesn't acknowledge my existence while his BIO parents fight over who has to pay for this kid.
I have a healthy income and normally wouldn't mind at all but I hate supporting this kid who has never treated me well. He would have me at "hello" lol. Its not like he hates me or is terribly rude. It's just him and I feel badly for my attitude. He is homely, smelly even though he baths and wears Deodorant, a social misfit with no manners, never says thank you, very messy and doesn't pick anything up (at least he only stays in his room where the mess is confined).
Before he leaves his room he opens his door slightly then peeks out to see if I am around. If not, then he goes to the bathroom. Same thing in the kitchen, he won't go in there if I am there. If he needs something, he will ask his dad who will then ask me.
I could understand this behaviour if I were mean to him, tried to exclude him from the family or he had just moved in with us. However, he is used to us now as he has been living here for almost 2 years and I am VERY kind to him. I really fake it! I really try hard to treat him the same as my kids.
I just feel resentful and angry that he takes up space and lives in my house especially when we need an extra room for one of my kids who needs privacy and is sharing a room with a sibling. My DH claims to have asked him if everything is OK here and he says everything is fine. Maybe he is just a weird unsocial kid??
On the other hand, my kids love my DH and consider him to be like a father. He also loves them and interacts VERY well with them. The difference is that my kids are friendly, very social and open to new people. They are very easy to love and while not perfect, very good sweet kids. They are outgoing, have many friends and are well mannered. I am trying hard to accept his social outcast kid to not cause friction. I hide my feelings so deeply that at the end of the week when he goes home, I feel the need to release these negative feeling (he just went home lol). I know it could be much worse if he were outwardly rude and disrespectful but honestly a weird SS with NO personality who ignores you isn't easy either! Anyone else have a stepkid like this? How do u cope?