'my' Standards & Values versus 'his' Standards & Values
I haven't posted anything for quite a while and I won't go there any bore everyone with the details of my life since my last post. Just looking for some advice..
Presently we have 2 kids living with us, after downsizing to a smaller home and thereby forcing SD21 & DS22 to find their own lodgings and to stand on their own 2 feet. Best decision we ever made! The 2 leftovers are SS16 & DD13.
My question is: how do you find compromise and harmony in a blended family when your standards (or codes - what is right & wrong) whereby you live, are so different? For example: in my family(me & my parents & my kids etc, stealing is wrong & NOT ACCEPTABLE and is severley punished, not blown over. SS16 stole DD13's blackberry and gave it to a girl on Facebook (who was in a relationship with someone else but he thought he could win her over with his gift). We only discovered the truth a month after it had happened and FH was more angry with SD21 for hacking into SS16's facebook to find the evidence, than with SS16 who had committed the crime! Also FH replaced the blackberry using his own funds and SS16 has yet to pay FH back...so he was not punished,there were minimal if any consequences except DH deleted his facebook. Needless to say SS16 simply re-instated it again...ha ha DH! The blackberry was recovered from the girl and sold to defray FH's expense in buying a new phone, but it only covered a quarter of the price. So now it gets even better...yesterday the boyfriend of the 'girl' meets SS16 in the mall and punches him. FH says to SS16 that he (SS16) should have knocked the boyfriend out. I say SS16 deserved it. He messed in someone elses relationship, is that what FH wants him to grow up to do? What example is this setting for his son? saying it's ok to try to win over someone elses girl? I am sorry this doesnt sit right with me.
There are so many different incidents that I could mention whereby SS16 has done wrong and has had absolutely NO consequences imposed on him. I don't know if I can live like this anymore..I don't feel comfortable living in this family anymore. You might say leave, leave him if you are not happy. Well it's not that simple. I still love FH very much and we have been together for 7 years now..we have plans for our retirement (we are both close to 50 y/o). We have plans to be happy, when eventually the kids all leave home..but will we be happy? Doesn't this resentment I feel, going to affect us in the long run? This is what I keep asking myself.
If someone out there has found a way to live like this, please..I need your wisdom..