You are here

I'm hibernating while SD is home

klean0722's picture

I am new here. Married 4 years, I have BD12 & BS15. I also have 3 skids - SD21, SD25 (married with new baby), and SS27. We married the summer before SD21 senior year in high school. My daughter ADORES her 2 SS. When HS graduation came around my daughter wasn't given a ticket, but SD gave tickets to an aunt & uncle that had just started coming around. I didn't go to graduation either since I couldn't leave my BD home alone. THings have been on rocky ground since then. Before graduation I did everything for SD - took her prom dress shopping, boughther stuff, you name it. BM is not in the picture much - she is psycho and all she talks about is her medical issues as she is is on disability for depression - that she was diagnosed with after the divorce she wanted and many "friends" she met online before most people had computers. All kids lived at home while we dated for a year before getting married. SS moved out when we did get married and we moved in. SD25 married & moved out 6 months later.

The past several years I have started depising SD21. She is on a full tuition scholarship at college but would not live in a dorm. We have spent over $25,000 for rent, utlities, groceries. This is $25k that we don't have! We are now in debt over that amount in credit card debt. DH thinks because she was a good girl, made good grades, involved in school and church that he thinks he should do everything he can to pay her expenses. BM has not paid a single penny. SD21 does work part time and you would have thought we were punishing her when we told her at the beginning of college she HAD to get a job to pay for eating out, movies, expenses that were not a necessity. None of her other 3 room mates had to get a job - they all have parnts who earn a lot more than us too. Naturally, she has went on every vacation with us. Last year was so horrible because our family are huge hockey fans and the Stanley Cup finals were going on while we were in Orlando. Our team played 3 games that week and we had to leave the parks to go watch the game. I could handle 1 night leaving because the atmosphere was fun at ESPN, but 3 freakin times??? This year she almost lost her scholarship, that she got through my employer, because of grades - I sent her a text fussing at her that she should be spending time studying her classes instead of studying hockey - she really does know every hockey player and their stats - it is a lot obsessive. She doesn't date - she isn't very social except with a small group of friends from high school and church. When she is home she is like a leach. if we go grocery shopping she goes along too.

My daughter called me today on my way home from work to tell me that SD21 called and she was on her way home for the weekend. She has to stay in her college town year round because of work and because we pay rent year round for the darn house/apartment! THis has totally ruined my weekend already! I can't stand to be around her and I'm tired of pretending.

I have been pretending to like these skids for 4 years and Ican't do it any more. 3 weeks ago SD21 & I did get into it - she was on phone with her dad about a cell phone issue. I could hear so I chimed in because I could hear everything and we had just had the same issue a few months ago with BD12 and I was the one that spoke with our carrier. No one was mad. A few minutes later SD25 called and said there was no reason to be mad - as soon as SD21 and her dad hung up SD21 called her sister and told her that I was griping and was mad about it. I wasn't until then! I called SD21 from the car and to where DH could overhear and I let her have it because I am sick of both of the SDs calling each other about things they THINK I said or how they THINK I feel - they have done this several times over the last few years and it has caused some minor problems.

I am at my wit's end with the skids. They have recently hurt my feelings - yes, I know that is childish. For the first time in 4 years they didn't even call and wish me a happy mother's day. SD21 was home that weekend and it was a week after I called her on the phone. They have always given me presents but this year, nothing, not even a call or text or facebook message. SD25 blame was that it was weird for her because she & I didn't talk for so long - we didn't talk for 2 months because she pissed me off and I didn't say a word about it after she had canceled 3 differnt hair appts on me at the last minute then asked to borrow my DSLR camera - she is a hair stylist. After 2 months I let it go and went out of my way to be friendly. Heck, it sure hasn't been weird the last 3 months with her birthday, and the new baby. Why didn't she tell me it was weird for her as I, not DH, went and bought $200 of baby stuff she needed when the baby was born in addition to the expensive baby shower gift we had given her a month before. I even ordered her a $65 necklace with the her & her husband's name and the baby's name on it for mother's day. Do you think DH said anything to her when she said it was weird??? He said "ok". He didn't even stand up for me!

All of this is really impacting our relationship. DH would much rather live in denial and pretend we are happy and ignore my feelings. I swear if it wasn't for my kids in my life I would load my car and move across country and never talk to anyone in my present life again. Now with SD21 home until Sunday, all I want to do is pack up and go stay with my dad for a few days, but my kids won't want to leave our house and go stay in the country.

I need prayers and peace or something!

buttercookie's picture

I'll give you my prayers. Your Husband needs to step up to the plate and let his daughters know they don't have to like you but they need to respect you. My husband was/is the same way with my youngest SS. He's getting better but it got really bad before he did, and I mean bad enough for me to walk away and he knows it.