When do you kick adult kids out?
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My SS20 works with us and still lives at home. He gets commission on sales and is paid a % of every keyboard or guutar repair he successfully repairs. SO says that he pays towards our mortgage but I cant confirm or deny that, as i dont see the transfer of funds. On payday I see SS20 buying very expensive shoes and clothes and wasting his money on friends and his smoking habit. Yet he complains that we dont pay him enough to enable him to move out into his own place. To that comment I respond....'do more sales and get more of your repairs out and you will have more money to get your own place!' I fear we will be in our 80's and this manchild will still be sucking our finances away!!
When I want to. Which in my
When I want to. Which in my case meant ss30 was NEVER allowed to even spend one night here when he was homeless.
You can do this when they are
You can do this when they are minors but not as an adult.
DH's plan is 18 and
DH's plan is 18 and graduated: Congrats, welcome to the world of adults, pack your stuff, here's how to do taxes. In reality he's going to be a lot more helpful in how to do all these things, and I'm insistent that as long as the kids are in school full-time & working summers, working full-time, or school part-time & working part-time they can stay with us rent-free. They still have to contribute to the family by helping with chores, etc.
DH bought a home at 19. He had assistance in that he purchased the home from his parents (one of their previous rental properties) and they sold it on a land contract with no down payment. But as soon as he had enough equity in the house they made him get a mortgage and pay off the contract with them. So DH is of a similar mindset. Parents can help you get started but you have to take off on your own ASAP.
when skids were in college we
when skids were in college we had them live with us until they did not want to go by our house rules and started getting disrespectful to me.
dh was so desperate for me to not divorce him that he paid for sd to live in her own apartment. he paid for everything rent utilities and her food.
other skid was also living with us until she told me to go to h#ll to my face. after that i said since she found living under my roof so unpleasant that she could move out. within 20 minutes she had a plan to move in with some friends. the truth is that these friends wound up living with their boyfriends and the sd because the third unwanted wheel.
Why wouldn't you expect an
Why wouldn't you expect an adult to be an adult.
He's complaining he doesn't
He's complaining he doesn't get enough allowance to move out on his own.
Oh, wait, excuse me he said "wages" but it sure sounded like "allowance" to me. What real people do when they aren't making enough money at one job is take on a second job or they improve their skills to get a higher paying job.
The world is your oyster, kid. That's what I'd tell him.
Make a plan 5 point plan for him launching. Those points would involve things like saving; increasing his income via increasing his worth to the economy; apartment shopping for education before doing it for real; and an end date, etc.
I appreciate all the advice.
I appreciate all the advice. My SS20 is lazy at home and at work. Disrespect me..yes! Passive aggressive style by destroying our home (SO & I own the home jointly) spreading his mess over his double room and other rooms in the house. Destroying my garden by digging up a path then not completing the project. Moving my rose trees so that they die..paint the deck with incorrect paint..etc etc..all without permission..thats disrespect in my books. At work its the same story and it takes explosions by his father to get him to complete his repairs and tidy his workspace. The reason it gets me that he spends his money like it were water is because SO stresses every month that the bond will be paid and we wont lose our house. Finances are very tight. I keep asking SO to organise a savings plan for him..he will want a car one day (although it is perfect now to make dad and stepmom taxi him around to friends and parties!!!), he should be working on an exit plan. My BS26 stayed with us a few years ago after trying out the 'band scene'with a couple of hippie friends. He returned to us very undernourished and ill but we found him a job and within 4 months he moved out. He wasnt going to allow himself to stagnate and live off his parents. I admit that not all kids have the ability to work their lives out for themselves but should we just sit back and allow the freeloading? When do we ever get to have our home to ourselves and have enough money to pay our bills and take time out? My SS20 has the ability to earn a much better salary if he applies himself..gets his repairs out on time and increases his sales. Only he can do this for himself.
I appreciate all the advice.
I appreciate all the advice. My SS20 is lazy at home and at work. Disrespect me..yes! Passive aggressive style by destroying our home (SO & I own the home jointly) spreading his mess over his double room and other rooms in the house. Destroying my garden by digging up a path then not completing the project. Moving my rose trees so that they die..paint the deck with incorrect paint..etc etc..all without permission..thats disrespect in my books. At work its the same story and it takes explosions by his father to get him to complete his repairs and tidy his workspace. The reason it gets me that he spends his money like it were water is because SO stresses every month that the bond will be paid and we wont lose our house. Finances are very tight. I keep asking SO to organise a savings plan for him..he will want a car one day (although it is perfect now to make dad and stepmom taxi him around to friends and parties!!!), he should be working on an exit plan. My BS26 stayed with us a few years ago after trying out the 'band scene'with a couple of hippie friends. He returned to us very undernourished and ill but we found him a job and within 4 months he moved out. He wasnt going to allow himself to stagnate and live off his parents. I admit that not all kids have the ability to work their lives out for themselves but should we just sit back and allow the freeloading? When do we ever get to have our home to ourselves and have enough money to pay our bills and take time out? My SS20 has the ability to earn a much better salary if he applies himself..gets his repairs out on time and increases his sales. Only he can do this for himself.
No, really what's changed is
No, really what's changed is that children don't accept that life when you're starting out is hard. No, you don't get to drive an expensive imported sports car, you get to drive what you can afford. No, you don't get a brand new $1000 smart phone every year. No, you don't get to take expensive vacations every year. Yes, you will probably have to have roommates and eat ramen noodles.
What's happened is parents have allowed children to believe that they shouldn't struggle and learn to appreciate the nicer things in life, and that parents should support their children so they don't have to do without.