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How can DH tell BM to f*ck off?

Buzybee82's picture

DH has got himself into this cycle where he does anything and everything BM barks! She is such a skeezy bitch that she has and will take time (court ordered) if he ever says no to her. So now he's become her bitch!!! I get that it's his fault for enforcing this behavior, but it's out of control. We have not followed the CO for almost a year now. Here's an example: DH is to have SD for 2 weeks straight during summer, he should get her the night before at 6. Yesterday is the day, he text her and said 6 @ CO location? Her response was we are just now on our west to the zoo, I'll call u later. So 2.5 hrs after we should have had SD, the phone rings, he doesn't answer, so they call back until he did!!! BM & SD ALWAYS do that. Anyway BM said were back but my car is over heating (yet another bullshit excuse we've heard a million times) she then tells DH you need to pick her up from my house by 8! As always DH said ok and our whole night was fucked cuz of this! If he would have said no she would respond by saying you just can't get her then, if shes not important enough to pick up! we've been through this!!
he needs to fix this cycle... but how? he's always afraid of her taking time away, i say she can't, but she does! plus DH is afraid if he doesn't meet her every wish & demand then bm will talk shit about him to sd, again she's done this a million tonnes! i say oh well! SD is 11 and not stupid, and plus bm talks shit about me ALL THE TIME TO SD!

oncechoosetosmile's picture

She is the golden uterus, that's why.
Our BM was crying yesterday on the phone to SO and I must admit it pisses me off how he listened to her for ages until he remembered to ask how their dramas are affecting his daughter, which is what it should have been about to start with.
She can go to a psychologist- after all she cheated on SO and left him totally in the shits a few years ago, so I don't get why he has to lend her a listening ear!!!
Plus then he told her 3 times "We are sorting it out!"- though this seemed then to be in regards of their daughter I don't need to see why he needs to refer to them as "WE"- bloody hell, is he suddenly a knight or something?Is that necessary????

Buzybee82's picture

I love u oncechosetosmile! calling your dh a knight is freakin hilarious!
I'm really hoping to get more replies on this, cuz this HAS to change. I think it's going to have to be a gradual process, kind of like weaning off drugs lol! she's like the worst hangover in your life that never goes away or lets up here & there!

Buzybee82's picture

I've told him all that before, so have lawyers! his response: it just makes things harder on sd then they need to be! meaning that bm will become a raging bitch and treat sd like crap cuz of it. what do you say to that!?

Newstep's picture

He has to realize what she is doing and break the cycle. My SO was the same way he was BM's little bitch because it was his normal. Even after they separated he still did her bidding. She took it like he still loved her, he was just doing what he was used to doing for the past 20 years. Its the only way he knew how to deal with her. Now he has completely disengaged from her. It took some time and it was on his terms but it worked. She has no control over him what so ever. She told many people when she left him that she had no worries about anything because he would do whatever she told him to do because she had his kid.

She wielded that power over him for over 20 years once he realized his worth as a person and as a parent it no longer worked.

byebyebirdie's picture

generally the courts now a days go by the schedule you been using if the schedule has been going on for a least a year or more. just cause BM want to change it now dont mean she can what he should do is now that this has been an ongoing schedule and BM has agreed to in the beginning is he need to make it official by having the court write it up. at least that was how it worked in my state. My DH used to get his kid EOW and i told him if he got her more they would adjust CS and get something call joint economic expense so we did this for a year said nothing to court and con't support BM was happy casue she got same support and kid less then when she requested for CS to be increased like clockwork every two years the court said well no you cant do that he has child more now and she was like then i want to go back to EOW and then said no you already agreed to this parenting plan by letting it go on.....