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Talking BM to court for full custody-need advice/help

Buzybee82's picture

As you may know from my past post SD is in a terrible situation with BM and has tons of issues cuz of it. BM is a very skeezy person. She involves SD in lies, manipulation, adult issues. She physically, mentally, verbally, psychologically abuses SD on a daily bases. SD has moved every years shes been in school, has gone to a different school every grade. BM has random men in and out of her life(SD life/home), never works, lives of child support from baby dadies, and commits IRS fraud, welfare fraud, insurance fraud, etc etc. SD still poops in pants (not medical condition, it's been ruled as behavioral by shrink) SD has been suspended from school starting in 1st grade for her constant physical & verbal abuse to her classmates, shes on special daily scoring programs with teachers and see's school shrink daily, also has meetings with principals to review her behaviors. SD (she's 11 yrs old) has regular outburst, throws physical fits like a 1 year old, doesn't listen or do what shes told, yells screams, stomps feet, slams doors, throws herself on the floor, multiple times a day even while on family vacations with extended family. Since I've been in the picture (7years) BM has NEVER followed the court ordered parenting plan, ruined SD's life, and we cant just sit back and do nothing any more. SD11 has always had this rage in her and has physically hurt DD2 since she was a baby, drug DD1 naked body around carpeted floor while DD screamed and gets covered with rug burn! SD thought DH and I were both in shower but I wasn't so the second I heard DD start to cry I snuck in the room and hid to see what was happening, when I saw what she was doing I immediately said What the heck do you think you're doing? Her response: I didn't think I'd get caught! SD is missing sympathy, empathy, or just the general care of other people at all.
I could go on and on about this history. The bottom line is, is that after this last Sunday when my DH had to physically carry a kicking & screaming SD11 to his car for the drop off he came home and said "wow"! She's got no chance at all. We are literally the ONLY parents in her life and consistent thing she has. Even BM's family is as F-up as her!!! If SD stands a chance at all of possible turning her life around it's going to be with us. We decided this Sunday were going to start building our case against BM. Here's some of our questions:

How long is adequate enough to document all this and present it to a judge with the slightest chance of winning?

What should we document and bring with us to court? videos, e-mails, text, recorded conversations, saved voice mails, pictures, written statements, school records, CPS reports, police reports, criminal records of those in SD life, written log/journal of all incidents where BM is contempt, written record of SD behavior w/videos, IRS fraud, Insurance Fraud, Welfare fraud, all the moves & schools, BM lack of work history, pics of SD's neglect when dropped off to us from BM un showered and poop in her pants EVERY TIME, voice recordings at pick up drop offs cuz that's when the REAL truth comes out since she thinks we cant prove what she's saying....

What holds up in court? I WISH we had been doing this the whole time, but BM ALWAYS avoided and thing that can be proof ie: text or e mails etc. But with all the records we can get and documenting EVERYTHING for however long should show the pattern quite clearly.

Any advice? How long should we do this? What should we do? What should we bring with to court? I plan on doing this by representing our selves in court without a lawyer....in the past we've been VERY let down by attorney's and I did most the work for them anyway!!!

Please HELP! I know this is sooooo long but this is the only chance SD has of a decent life. If we dont do this well be grandparents TOO soon Sad She's already getting worse and worse.

Thanks

StickAFork's picture

You'll probably need a GAL, and those are fairly pricey. You can do this on your own, but it depends on whether BM will hire an attorney.
Do you know if BM would be willing to give up primary custody?

Buzybee82's picture

no, it's the only income and control she has so it's going to be a fight. hence the documenting! should we for a year? 6 months? 2 years?

Kilgore SMom's picture

I would say you need all of the above. Go back as far as you can. Here in my state its hard to go in with out a lawyer. You would most defintly need a gal. In my state they run about $700 and will meet with DH, BM and SD and write their report. A judge probably won't listen unless this was done in advance. Find out what document you have to file. Good Luck.

Staciemarie1972's picture

Most states will order the GAL and the BM and you guys will split the cost of the GAL investigation. This person is who you want a copy of all your documentation to go to. He/She will make the custody recommendation to the judge and the judge 99% of the time takes that GAL's recommendation. Do everything he/she tells you to do, you DO NOT need a lawyer. File for a "modification of Custody" at your local court (the one you have gone through for everything else) and wait for your court date. Have everything in line and documented and go to court. Record everything from now until then too. Everything counts!