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Why Would He?

steptwins's picture

Why would DH ignore a court order written 6/3/10 and verbally promise to pay child support, but it'll be less, grumbles him, just like that? He has temp. sole custody of steptwins (court ordered) supervised visits in place b.c. BM went kookoo. He found out he'd have to pay $1500 retainer for psyc. evaluation before Judge decides the case & then decided to drop his case & settle out of court in mediation w/her. In the meantime 1 twin has spent the last two nights there helping her paint a hallway. Seriously. So I ask him a few questions very hestitantly, are we going back to how it was? He said: "yes. Boys can go other w/her whenever, it'll be joint custody like before & I'll pay her child support but not the $800 I pay now b.c I'm not working and she must give me the key(s) to gun safe. I'll be the only one with access to it. One boy still doesn't have to go there overnight b.c. he prefers our house" (that's the case for the last 3 years). I say, "No. Both boys need to go 1/2 the time if its joint custody & they need to bury the hachet. Its healthier for him to resolve the issues and be w/her". He replies angrily: "No way, you just want him not here & EOW just us, I know your motives". I raise my eyebrows and walk away, go back to work. He is kookoo now or am I? Opinions welcomed from everyone. I really need to see all sides of these. I feel hurt but maybe I should be more than hurt?

violetforest's picture

bf allowing the ss's to be seperated was one of the worst things that has happened. nothing like breaking up the family. don't give up it is not about you, it is about the kids having a relationship with each other.

steptwins's picture

Well, one kid ran away from BM three years ago in the dead of winter. DH went & found him. Kid said BM was "rough" w/him & her biker guy lived there. She would have electric turned off for nonpymt, no heat due to no oil, no food, filthy house throughout. So we said fine. She didn't seem to care just said: its not really worth my while to come over there & get one boy. But she collected full child support each month of course. So no schedule and only one boy goes there whenever for how ever long. I am saying both boys should go again & DH is pushing back and saying: joint custody but no schedule and he gets a break on child support. I need help understanding why he didn't want sole custody & her paying us child support w/set schedule for visits when the boys live are with us 99% of the time.