Hi dtxyblnd - I wrote that wrong. Twit yelled over the H (I meant to write him and mistakenly typed them. She only does this to us.

Yep, she's 50. She has chastised me for going to casinos, playing bingo etc. SHE is far above that, according to her. Far above what? Having fun?

And her old stick about getting my stuff after I pass is getting old and, quite frankly, I don't want to hear any more of my demise from this creature. She is getting nothing!

Hi ditzy - Interesting point. Of all of H's adult children, Twit is the only one that pulls this kind of carp.

You know, I really don't even think Twit cares a lot for her father, she just wants and he is an easy "target" to get things from. Hell, we have been down here for almost 3 years now and only once have they ever taken us out for dinner! Oh, we have gone out to dinner with them, but they always stick H and I with the tab....we get to pay for the honor of her presence.

She is just a user. The only other time we would hear from her is when she wanted us to dog sit. Once she even called on her way for a weekend trip, now get that...she was already on her way....to ask H to go let the dog out several times each day! She said she would have called earlier, but it was last minute and she forgot. No, she didn't forget....this was when the Twit pimple was coming to a head and she knew that H would tell her no, so she puts us in a spot.

Funny thing here is that the one time H went down to let the pooch out, he had already made a mess on the floor. H said he didn't clean it up, he was just leaving it for her. See, he was a little pissed off as well that she did this at the last moment as we had plans. She never said a word about it.

Hi ditzy = looked up rational aggression aka as mean girl syndrome. Geez, one would have hoped Twit would have advanced out of this years back. It did make me wonder if she was bullied and now, being older, acts out by bullying others and just generally being a Twit?

Hi zerostepdrama - Boy, I sure wish you could smack her for me. She needs it. Twit believes that if she wants something I am not suppose to compete with her for it because SHE says so. Funny, I don't see things that way especially because she wants everything nice.

It's an AUCTION, darn it, stuff goes to the HIGHEST bidder. Her way of making this into a pity plea to H is to say that she won't bid against "family". Sounds nice, except, as I say, she wants everything nice and tries to claim it in advance. I told H that if she wanted them there ornaments than she should have raised her card and bid higher than I did. The fact is that if she had done this I would have lost because I topped out the amount I would pay for them.

Believe me, I wouldn't have believed what she did if I hadn't seen it and heard it as it was directed at me. The crying, sobbing, and running out of the building was the real clincher that she was a loon. Me, I did nothing wrong, I had just bid. I had absolutely nothing to embarrassed by, certainly not by her, she has to own her own actions.

Hi SunnyD123 = Yep, insane fits her quite well. And when she doesn't get her way she starts to claim that she was off her meds, or needs stronger meds, or that her hormones are out of balance, anything except that she was wrong. I am waiting to hear if H. heard those excuses from her already at counseling this afternoon. Going to be an interesting session.

Regarding her ego, the more I watch her, her actions, what she says, and even how she walks, I see more and more how insecure she is about herself. One can hope that after acting the fool at this auction, she doesn't show up again. But I doubt that as they usually have stuff she wants.

Regarding her rent.....she puts out real low end costume jewelry and then discounts it at 30% and still can't unload it. For some reason she hoards any sterling she gets and thinks 10kt gold is priceless! She really doesn't know quality well and puts out, oh, a Normal Rockwell plate (of which there are hundreds out there for sale for $50.00 because she got the price off of one of those replacement sources and thinks she can get the same for it.

Hi Tuff - Oh I'm pissed that she treated me like that. But I have found that when I present something like this with the counselor, especially something I have like this on my answering machine, H really has to face the music. He can't try to pretend that I must have misunderstood, heard her wrong, etc. The counselor sets him straight when he tries that stuff.

Hi Whimsey - Good point.

Don't be hard on H. He didn't do anything. He didn't tell me not to bid, tell me to stop bidding or any such thing. In fact, he didn't even suggest, as he would have in the past, that we give her the ornaments free, to appease the TWIT beast. AND, he didn't go out after her to see what he could do etc. In that respect he made a major leap. Now whether he liked it or not, that is a whole different pot of beans.

This is not the first time she has acted out like this, if you recall things I have posted. The only difference here is she did it publically.

Hello Miss Towanda - Always think of that movie "Fried Green Tomatoes" when I see your name.

Yep, Twit is cracking, IMHO, she has been cracking for years.

Hi Karma - Some real good points. Never thought about the staking out things I might want to bid on at an auction with Twit because I just feel that things go to him that wants them the most and is willing to pay the most. There is an old saying: There are no friends at auctions.

Don't know if H would do that as I never asked him and wouldn't ask him to do that for the above reason.

Yes, I am concerned about this latest escalation of Twit's. I want to wait and see how things go, though I will be watching her closely if I should have the misfortune to be around her. I just don't want to open a can of worms right now when I think H is making some progress, abeit small, in a possible resolution. Doing that right now would freak him out and make me look aggressive. Keep in mind the light is just starting to shine in his attic.

Hi Cat - Twit only got into the antique business because I was in it...trying once again to upstage me. She has always gone to auctions as she like to get things cheap. She is always trying to impress people with what she has, how great she is, how great her family is etc.

As I said, when H thought it was okay to let them rent part of our store for their stuff, the agreement was that they were to bring out their own stuff, arrange and clean, etc. What quickly happened is that we, I, did all the work as SHE was too BUSY, didn't have time, would do it next time etc. A real user. But when they pulled out on us (to get their own booth because they thought they could make a go of it) they didn't give us any notice and stuck us with the rent. H had rented a bigger area as they wanted to split rent with us but the lease was in our names. H didn't like that at all and you can just imagine what I thought. Twit's attitude and remarks: There was an area open and they wanted to take it.....opportunity, you know. What she didn't say was screw you guys, the rent is not our problem, we don't lose anything.

That is why when she starts talking about moving back in with us that is a NO GO right from the start. She can't make it in the business. Why, because it requires work, effort, etc. and she doesn't want to put it in, she wants someone else (us) to do all the work for her while she collects $$ on the few items she sells. Greedy arse, she will use and take and never, ever reciprocate or reimburse. H use to go down to her place and pick her carp up to take up to the store because she was TOO BUSY to drop it off at our place (9 miles away). But, she has no problems getting up there to go to eat at the restaurants, or shop at the mall. Trust me, I stopped that carp real fast, which is one of the reasons they pulled out of our shop. H agreed on this with no problem.

I also have an internet store which she made noises, big noises, to H about putting some items in to try out the internet. No way, no how ever. I worked hard for my reputation and I certainly and not going to let Twit ruin in. Can you imagine selling something of hers and then have to chase her to make sure she sends it out in a timely fashion? Typical Twit would be that we should go get it and take care of shipping it out etc. I KNOW her and her antics. You know the old adge: Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

Thank you Amber for your kind words, information you give on mental stuff helped me a lot. Oh, I am just a person who tries to act rather than react. I try to look at the situation not just blow up. Most of the times I can do it, sometimes I just....react. Hey, I'm human. No one is going to recommend me for sainthood .

I have long said she is getting scary and scares me because I could see the escalation as I detached and moved away from her. She was loosing her control on me and that teed her off.

You know, I wonder what would happen if she was around me and I ran, crying and sobbing like she does out to H and cried about what she did and said? I am quite certain H would look at me like I needed some kind of help, a net over me, or something because that is not how adults act, that is how children act.

It is very hard and complicated going through this. I did make my mind up that I won't allow H back into the marital home etc. until this problem is resolved to MY satisfaction with something that I can live with. Doing other wise would just be like our congress.....kicking the can down the road.

Amber - you commented that you are even surprised, with the way Twit acts, that she even raised a family. Well, she had children but so far none of them, well 2 out of 3 of them are nothing to brag about. And she keeps the 3rd, the ex-Marine tied tightly to her. Poor baby fought in Afghanistan but according to her, she has to mail out his packages for him etc.

She is already starting trouble for him with his fiancée, a young European woman. Her family came over to meet this this summer and tour the US. Twit invited them to spend 3 days with them. When they left she told DH that the girl's mother told her that she wants to break the couple up! Now, I don't know if that is true or not, but I do know that normal people don't go out and say that to someone who's hospitality they are accepting. H asked SIL If this were true because he was stunned -- he had met these people and said they were very nice. SIL told H he, himself, hadn't heard it but that is what Twit claims. SIL said he asked his son about his fiancée's mother trying to break them up and son said everything was fine with them, no problems -- and he would know. H. noted how SIL seemed to doubt what Twit said as well, but wasn't going to say she was lying. And she does lie...a lot. But this would be typical of her and not surprising. Me things the one that wants to break them up is Twit....the ole no one is good enough for my baby boy thingy. I feel sorry for the fiancée. If she does marry him her life is going to be hell with Twit as a MIL.

Will give you some info on that stuff later when I get my footing back. This last Twit episode does have me shook. But I kind of got into antique by default. You see, I inherited a bunch of stuff from my Grandma, Great Aunt etc. There is only so much one can use in this life so I started studying, learning and liquidating. It is great as a retirement job....keeps me young. And I love finding interesting things.

Thank you for the advise of pepper spray, Rising. That is it, she is mentally ill and that is the problem, the delema for H in dealing with her. Part of it is he doesn't know how. I am hoping the counselor will help him, help us down that path.

Hi Karma. Yes, I do have some control over dealing with her, but as long as she is my DH's daughter I imagine there will always be some type of contact at times. You know what they say, you can choose your fiends, but you can't choose your family, or his family.

I believe I am on heightened alert about this because we are going to counseling and trying to resolve the Twit matter.

Good point about hitting delete when she calls. After her antics at the auction, and do note I didn't interact with her, she just became a screaming, crying loon, et. al., I wanted to hear what she had to say because I figured I would take them to counseling and let H hear what comes out of Twit's mouth concerning me. He needs to know. And, as the counselor pointed out, this is Twit calling, I am not contacting her, calling her etc. She is the aggressor.

Oh I would love to relocate Catmom. We made a BIG mistake when H wanted to move down here 3 years ago. Prior to that I had only interacted with Twit occasionally and didn't know what she really was. Our move was a BIG MISTAKE. If the market picks up where I can get my $$ out of this house and move, we are gone.

About the auctions, there are several around here and we attend them depending on what they have at the particular auction etc. One never knows when Twit will be there or not. Sadly, big mouth H, the big doofus, told her about what nice stuff this auction house gets in. Now he did that almost 3 years ago when I found the place. So we are stuck.

Heck, H can talk to her all he wants, I just don't want anything to do with her. But her actions are stepping up as some of you have noted. And I believe this is because our counseling sessions are starting to work with H and she isn't getting the attention and adoration she so craves. She is the one that made a complete fool of herself and people noticed.

Personally, I don't care what her diagnosis is. All I know is that she is as crazy as a loon IMHO. Normal people don't act and react like she does. You know, the only emotions I can see I have really seen her show is the crying, the anger, the nastiness, the jealousy. I can't say I have ever seen her tell H that she loves him, or be happy about something, or express happiness for someone else's good fortune. Very strange.

Yep bi. Shocking isn't it that this woman will soon be hitting 50. What a waste of a life.

Hi EBU - Thank you so much for being concerned for my safety, I am too. You are a good friend on this forum. I am thinking about the restraining order and keeping that option open to see what happens.

I am not holding back because of DH and what he would think, etc., I am holding back because doing that right now would only cause a Twit explosion that would set back all the trying to get her the help she needs so H and I can get on with our lives. But I am on my guard, and H says he keeps on eye down at her place.

Quietly talked to the counselor about this and she agreed, to do so right could cause Twit to erupt.

H feels better about things and much more protective of me now that he is seeing how out of whack she is getting. I agree about him saying that she has problems. In counseling it is coming out that he just didn't know what to do. He knows I am strong but he didn't realize I was as stressed out as I was.

As one of our kind posters noted, sometimes when we ladies are scared or hurting the guys think we are just angry and don't understand. Guess that is why men are from Mars

The real good thing about counseling is that the counselor kind of serves as a referee/mediator. And let me tell you, DH has really been hit with some hard stuff by me. He gets defensive, angry, upset, but the counselor makes us both get through it...talk it out, listen. Neither one of us will get up and walk away. Man, it is hard work but, oh, how can I say this, it is like discovery on so many matters.

We are down to just a few things: I want peace, quiet, and a good life with him. He wants that as well, but he wants to make sure that Twit gets the help she needs. I can certainly understand that. He now understand that he can't do it, and, more importantly, he can't just ignore her behavior towards both of us. Our SIL is also concerned about Twit and is also working with her to get help. I hope she goes in for treatment as I think that would be best, but who knows.

The counselor has told him that he can only do so much and might eventually just have to cut her free, but she certainly understand his concerns. And I am certain I would want the same if the shoe were on the other foot. Adults they may be, but they will always be our children and we their parents.

Until that gets resolved, I am not asking him to move back in. What is nice now is that we actually go out on dates. Like being courted all over again.

Hi again EBU. When H heard the recordings he was shocked at Twit et. al. because not only has she escalated, but his mindset about her is different.

He has also stated, to me and the counselor, that he wants to try to get Twit help, but he realizes that if she resists, refuses, etc., there is not much he can do. THAT is the true realization. And there is a time limit set as well....we all agreed this Twit stuff can't go on forever.

I, too, have to realize that Twit, regardless of whether she gets help or not, is always going to be there even if I have no further interactions with her. The difference is in how H starts to deal with her with her nonsense starts up. Kind of like learning tough love, intervention stuff with her.

Actually, not only does the counselor think a restraining order is a bad idea at this time, she has also said that Twit doesn't sound like the physically violent type. That she is all mouth and bluster. And, that as long as H doesn't give her any validation - not sure what word I really want here but that will do for now - she doesn't sound like she is that brave when she "stands alone". But, I am not a stupid person and I always keep my eyes open. What is good is that I have a big dog that is very protective of me (rescue lab). He never cozied up to Twit but they say animals can tell. But what do I know.....as an old radio program use to say: Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of men.

Ah, EBU thanks. But we both know there is no such thing as a fairy tale ending. Life, being life, will always have its ups and downs but nothing like this one.

Last session he even said that he has a time limit on how much more time he is willing to invest in Twit, and it isn't a lot more time. He knows that he just may have to walk away, cut her loose, but before he does that he wants to try to get her the help she needs. SIL is going to join us at our next session to talk about some treatments, course of action. He, too, knows she is getting worse and doesn't know what to do. The counselor has already contacted him and talked to him about joining us for the session, with our okay of course.

EBU, I agree, Twit is not going to get better, but DH is the one that has to come to terms with that so he can move on knowing that he did what he could.

We both work hard in these sessions to address the problem, to understand why the other party responds the way they do, and to come up with a solution we can live with. It is very hard work and does mean some compromise, hence giving him time to try to get Twit help before cutting her loose.

I am willing to go along with this because I don't ever want him to throw this sticky situation up in my face in the future. He has to do it and want to do it. And if he doesn't, well, that's all folks. Though I haven't told him that part as I want him to do it on his own accord not under a final threat from me.

Not worried about the holidays at all. For Thanksgiving I am going down to visit my oldest friend (from 2nd grade on) who lives in New Orleans. Will be fun to do some serious Christmas shopping down there as well as looking for interesting items for my antique store. Unfortunately, sometimes my biggest problem is finding something wonderful and not wanting to give it up....at least for awhile For Christmas, weather permitting, H and I are going to my daughter's place.

Hope what I write makes sense as there is a lot going on, emotions run high, many times I want to just get up and scream I have had enough, which I have, but since DH is really trying and making progress I keep sloshing through all the stuff. And through the work the light at the end of the tunnel is starting to shine. I do love him and he is a good man, and those are hard to come by.

My hope is that our love and marriage is much stronger when we get out of this because, being old, there is the time coming, abiet I hope many, many years in the future, when it will be very hard for one of us again.

Good question. When I talked to SIL while H was in the hospital a few months back, he said he knew something was wrong but didn't know what to do about it, how to go about things. Men can be like that.

From what he said then is that he was trying to talk to her about things, but she gets all upset and refuses to think anything is wrong. Even then he was trying to get her to see a doc or something.

He has also taken her to task many occasions when she started with me, and has even come to my defense when H didn't and told his wife about how uncalled for her actions towards me were. Guess it is just as difficult for him to deal with the loon as me and H.

From what I gather from H, SIL is extremely glad that this is coming to a head and Twit has seen a doc and had some tests done. Guess she is due for a follow up visit. This is more than she has ever done in the past. I think she knows she is on thin ice all the way around. Evidently she has been spending a lot of time in her room crying by herself...and no, from what H and SIL say, she just wants to be left alone. Dare I think realization that something is wrong is setting in? Don't know.

One thing that DH and I agreed to, when I agreed to give him time to see if he could give it a shot Twit into some kind of help program etc., is that we would work with SIL to help him through this and once done, she is SIL's responsibility, not ours. Of course we will support him when need be 'cause this type of stuff takes a family, but H and I have agreed - in front of the counselor (is that a binding contract? LOL) that he can only do so much and then will just have to cut the rope and just hope for the best. He will not be drawn into any more Twit drama and will protect/defend me against her rants and tantrums in the future.

We are supporting SIL in this because we know that it is difficult. SIL is also the kind of guy that takes his vows seriously....for better or for worse. He, too, is a good man and far better that Twit deserves.

So, that being said, my main focus is my husband and our lives together.

Hi fightincrazytrain - A BIG thanks on the tip on the book. Looked it up on Amazon and it looks like something that DH is gonna need so I pre-ordered it. I will be reading it along with him when it comes....no matter what the Twit outcome, DH is going to need support in facing the realization of the way things are with her.

I must admit, and this is no excuse for DH's past behavior, I would feel extremely bad and want to do what I could to help Twit if she were my daughter. We love them and want the best for them but there are times that tough love has to be done. The hard part here is that crazy is crazy and most of us lay persons don't understand it.

FWIW, years back in the suburbs north of Chicago, Winnetka if I recall correctly, a severly troubled adult Lauri Dan, entered a school and shot children and teachers. I don't recall all of what happened to her at this time, but her parents did say that she needed help, but they couldn't handle her and she was really out on her own. Anyway, what I do recall is that several of the parents of the poor children sued this woman's family for wrongful death, etc. To me, that was wrong because the parents had nothing to do with the adult woman's actions, etc. She was an adult and out on her own.