Was/Is It Worth It??
Going through a scary illness and treatments has me thinking. Was and is it all worth it? I have no doubt that all the stress added to my illness.
DH has been attentive and DD checks in all the time, but I find that, after years of being strong against Twit I am just washed out. She scares the begesus out of me and I feel weak and drained right now.
I like to sit in the living room, which gets wonderful sun (when it's out) most of the day and do needlepoint while half watching tv, and read. I find it disturbing to see Twit's car driving by, checking up on me I am certain....after all she wouldn't want to miss out on the chance to grab things if I go back in the hospital or worse....the ghoul.
Last week, DH was sitting with me and Twit comes down the road. I pointed out to him and he watched as she drove up the street, turned around in the cul-de-sac, and drove back down, but didn't say anything. Today she did the same, and I mentioned that Twit was driving up our street and wondered why. He threw on his coat and went out and waved her down. When he came back in he said she told him she was delivering pot and pan stuff on our short street and seemed to accept that. Bull, she never stops anywhere on our street.
I took the opportunity to tell him that her driving around make me nervous, like we are being stalked (which we are). I started crying that I just couldn't do this any more. At first DH got angry with me and stormed away, but several hours later he told me he understood. I hope so.
Friends, after this health scare I am truly wondering if it is worth it, going through this carp. Life, as I know, is too darn short to put up with it.
I called my attorney about a restraining order on Twit and he said that it would be difficult as she really is doing nothing but driving by right now.
I know this is silly, but I have visions of her ransacking my home, if something were to happen to me, like she did when that elderly man across the street from her passed. I know I have a will, etc., but the thought crosses my mind. And I worry that DH would give into her demands for things before it could be stopped.
As DD said, I shouldn't have to pack up my nice things and send them to her, I should be able to use and enjoy them without worry that they might disappear. She is right.
You sound so sweet and I'm
You sound so sweet and I'm sorry you are ill with that douche bag skidmark harassing you!!! You want me to fly over and beat the living shit out of her? I'll sit on your lawn in FRONT of you and block her ass!!! Karma is a bitch and she will get hers!! Don't let that sack of shit steal your joy sister!! Believe me, I had issues with my NOW NEVER TO BE SKIDMARK and told the fat little bitch off. I have pain issues with my nerves and one fight with her which she started because of HER issues set my pain off like a motherfucker. At that point, I went Batshit crazy on her.
Up until now she's gotten away with mouthing off to all my fiancés ex girlfriends. Her mother cheated on her father so therefore every woman he dates thereafter is a bitch? we didn't even know him them. Well, she met the wrong woman with me. I don't take shit from anyone. She went off on me and I literally went crazy on her. I told her stay the fuck away from me, my family, house, everything or I will rip her fucking arms off of her and beat her with them!!! Blocked her fat lazy ass from phone AND LIFE!! I'm nearing 50 and the hell I will live with her 23 year old selfish ass harassing me I will take the bitch out!
Free yourself and GET OUT! You are too precious to deal with this. Get a sling shot and aim REAL GOOD when she drives by!!
"Your DH won't promise you
"Your DH won't promise you that he won't let her in if you are in the hospital? Or you don't believe him?"
DH has lately had some backbone regarding this cretin but, well, I just don't trust things if she were to come and start crying about how she felt left out, like she did that time in 2011 when she bawled in my living room that she was so scared she would be left out and my daughter was going to get everything! THAT both shocked me and told me right there what she was about....what she could get for free. While I was shocked, DH was assuring her that she wasn't going to be cut out (and he knew what my trust and will say!)
I mean, the Twit is crusin' my street and when DH confronts her tells him she is delivering pots and pans to people and he believes it! Or maybe he just WANTS to believe it....I don't know.
There is NO LAW that says
There is NO LAW that says SKIDS are legally entitled to anything!!! Please make sure your will LEAVES HER OUT! I made sure of that and did my research. Don't leave her shit!!! But seriously, good luck on her part trying to get anything - she's simply not entitled. But check your state law to be sure.
I just can't wait to get well
I just can't wait to get well and the go head from the docs that I can start driving and flying again so I can resume my house hunt. One thing about getting older...it takes longer to deal with illness and get back on our feet again...bummer.
I also know I should not let Twit bother me, but she, and her strange actions do. You have to keep in mind that her own Mother won't have anything to do with her nor will her siblings. And, according to Twit, it is always THEIR fault, never hers because in Twit's mind SHE is perfect.
You know, I have been through a lot and surgery plus treatments and not once has this cretin expressed to DH any concern or offered to help him out! But she is cruising like a vulture looking for road kill
I just can't wait to get well
I just can't wait to get well and the go head from the docs that I can start driving and flying again so I can resume my house hunt. One thing about getting older...it takes longer to deal with illness and get back on our feet again...bummer.
I also know I should not let Twit bother me, but she, and her strange actions do. You have to keep in mind that her own Mother won't have anything to do with her nor will her siblings. And, according to Twit, it is always THEIR fault, never hers because in Twit's mind SHE is perfect.
You know, I have been through a lot and surgery plus treatments and not once has this cretin expressed to DH any concern or offered to help him out! But she is cruising like a vulture looking for road kill
Time to go on the offensive.
Time to go on the offensive. Own her ass. Have your attorney file every criminal and civil charge that might have even the remotest chance of sticking. Harrassemnt, emotional duress, put up cameras on your home and record her little drives up your culdesac without stopping. Build a massive stack of incriminating crap on her based on the facts of her behaviors. Record evey conversation she has with you or DH (micro recorders are great), run CBCs on her, hire a PI. Ruin her and when she is snivvling and crying about it.... respond with "now, how does it feel when someone takes your life away. Now, go away or I will have you living in a cardboard box under the local over pass."
Lather, rinse, repeat.
It is also time to give DH clarity that he either confronts her definatively, consistently, and eternally and purges her crap from YOUR life of he will be history in your life and he can go live his life with his toxic spawn.
IMHO of course. Take care of you. I hope you feel better. Good luck.
"It is also time to give DH
"It is also time to give DH clarity that he either confronts her definatively, consistently, and eternally and purges her crap from YOUR life of he will be history in your life and he can go live his life with his toxic spawn"
THIS is what I am considering because DH is great for awhile, and then he gives in to Twit and her tantrums most times at my expense. I know he feels that DD is keeping tabs on him, she is. I also know he would like everything to be smooth which means me putting up with all of Twit's meanness and craziness. He seems to be able to ignore what she does, err, make excuses for her because she "has problems" (don't I know that!). I realize, too, that it must be awful to know that one of your offspring is such as Twit, but that is his problem, not mine.
He did put a stop to her incessant phone calls because they were upsetting my help.
This medical situation I am going through is making me think just how much more I want to put up with, is it worth it.
If you husband can't stand up
If you husband can't stand up to her he needs to HIT THE ROAD!! I started getting shit from my fiancé at first when I went at the bitch and said look fucker - take her side and LEAVE MY FUCKING HOUSE!! Go and side with you gold digging bitch lazy ass unemployed selfish bitch of a daughter!! I swear, I went insane!! I have worked too hard, had health issues, limp into work in total pain and work my ass off to have a decent life while she sits on the couch and demands money?! FUCKKKKKKK NO!
I think I snapped and now she's scared shitless. She's also lost an ally, friend, in me and I could care less. Life is too short!! You need encouragement - just blog on here and I will back you up 100% God I hate these bitches!! But too bad for her I'm crazier!!
"--- I mean, the Twit is
"--- I mean, the Twit is crusin' my street and when DH confronts her tells him she is delivering pots and pans to people and he believes it!" Ask DH, "just HOW many pots and pans do your think Twit is selling on our cul-de-sac?" One time - maybe. Every day, no. Wouldn't these constant 'drive-bys' constitute stalking? Have you told your DD? If so what does she think? Good luck to you, Sweetie, and please get well. (((HUGS)))
Hi Sandye - Yes, I told DD
Hi Sandye - Yes, I told DD weeks back when I first noticed her. The drive bys are not every day as far as I notice (I am not always looking out the window) but 2+ times a week - generally not on weekends when Twit's husband would be home. Hard for her to try to say it is not her van as she has the Pot and Pan company logo in all the windows. I shouldn't let it bother me but it does.
DD regular calls and talks to DH, and she has even brought it up to him that I mentioned it to her and what was going on. I think that is what pushed him to go out and wave Twit down to inquire.
The thing that bothers me is that she can give him some cock and bull story about having to deliver pots and pans and he believes her.
toxic relationships and
toxic relationships and marriages DO take a toll on your health. stress kills and causes a number of health complications. fathers lose their balls when it comes to their offspring and will tolerate any bad behaviour, including breaking the law.
If your SD has that much
If your SD has that much influence over your DH, if I were you I'd be more worried about what she'd say to him if you were ever on life support. She'd have him pulling the plug faster than a squirrel dancing on a hot tin roof! His initial reaction of "anger" because you pointed out her behavior and how it is affecting you is very telling. He obviously is hard-wired to first defend SD, then placating you comes in as second.
Only you can answer the question: How much is your life worth? And I don't mean "stuff." You are right. We all only get so many days and nights on this earth. This pattern in your life has been developed and it is the way it will remain. Don't expect any changes from adults who are in a groove and have no desire to get out of it.
If you have recently had time to reflect, and feel that the toxicity with your SD is outbalancing the joy you get out of your marriage then maybe you need to move on. Find an option for moving out for awhile and see how that affects you.
Sure, it may be scary. But living the rest of my life under the conditions you describe is even scarier.
2tired4drama - You hit the
2tired4drama - You hit the nails right on the head on the points you bring up.
DH and I have been down this road before and I threw him out once. He has been in counseling etc. He does well, at times, but then seems to crumple, especially in stressful situations. He doesn't seem to grasp things as he would have years back, but we all get old.
I can just see Twit whispering in his ear while I am critical, telling him to pull the plug etc. At the same time she would be gleefully rubbing her hands and dashing out the hospital door running to see what she could grab. It is not the things, it is her attitude about wanting them, expecting them and even telling me what she wants and expects when I pass that bother me. Greedy! This is a woman who cried to DH about how her sisters-in-law got together, along with their brother's wives, and divided her MIL's jewelry between them and SHE was left out; and, according to Twit, he loved her like a daughter. Sounds terrible, like she was wronged until you find out the truth which was that the FIL had his daughters (Twit's sisters-in-law) come by and divide their Mother's jewelry between then. Twit was given one of the woman's gold watches by the FIL. IMHO, very reasonable....the woman was their mother, not Twit's but she lies and makes it sound like every one except her was asked to do that. How did I get the truth? I asked Twit's husband about it and he told me it was only his sisters who were invited by his Father to divide up their Mother's jewelry.
Or how years back I started a Presidential Dollar collection for all the grandkids, including Twit's "babies". Can you believe she was miffed that I didn't start a collection for her? I mean she pouted and cried to DH about how bad she felt. Heck, I was doing it for the grandkids, not the adults or even my own DD. She is actually jealous of her own children, that they get something of value, no matter how small, that she doesn't. GHOUL!
If I may be candid, I think
If I may be candid, I think you spend way too much time focusing on details or specific incidents like these. It's the old "you can't see the forest for the trees" syndrome.
You have a cold hard fact that's been hitting you in the face for years and you are not facing it: Your DH's primary loyalty has, and always will, be to his daughter. Fact. No amount of counseling or kicking HIM out of the house (briefly) will change that fact.
You have a choice. You can continue to live your life the way you have been. Or you can hitch up your courage, and YOU leave HIM (even if it's just temporarily at first) and see if you are capable of having a fulfilling life outside this marriage. Things like finances and assets will be worked out accordingly, based on laws in your state for legal separations and/or divorce.
If it turns out that you would rather stay with him, and deal with your toxic stepdaughter the rest of your life, then you have made a conscious choice. And then learn to live with it because you know exactly what your future holds and you've signed up for it. So there would be no use complaining about it; and accepting that fact may actually bring you peace. Your SD will continue with her behaviors and your DH will allow it.
It really is as simple as that.
You are right. It is just
You are right. It is just what she says to me about my passing etc., and how she acts that tee me off and scare me. Trust me, you would not believe the things she says and when confronted claims she is just kidding.
And I am at the point of having, for my health's sake, to make a very big decision. One that isn't going to be easy. I have tried all kinds of things and this cretin is still there. I never, in 100 years thought I would hit this point. And I am making plans in my head about options for me.
I also know that being sick and going through those horrid treatments can affect my thinking and things probably bother me a lot more than normally. But I do blame Twit for all the stress that resulted in my getting sick. Yes, I know she didn't cause my illness, but her nonsense, craziness, etc. have added to the stress that I have been living under. And we all know stress can lead to serious illnesses. Sigh, sometimes looking at both sides can be a double edge sword.
What she said - I could not
What she said - I could not have said it any better because I'm crazy AND swear too much because I can't control myself when it comes to the skidmark and my fiancé's initial reaction to defending her. I was outraged beyond belief. I said I would NEVER speak to my dad or mom that way who the hell is this self entitled bitch!
I would tell him to hit the curb. Take care of you. Who cares about her - I wish you godspeed in getting well so you can defend yourself against her. Get your will in place and leave her ass out of it. If she's a 5150 (crazy ass bitch under the penal code) get a TRO. Hope you have her OCD drive bys reported to police. That way you have a record.
I'm so sorry for you - just remember, you aint losing nothing but a sack of shit if you cut these toxic people out of your life!
I've made a promise to myself
I've made a promise to myself that if we're still having problems with SS after he's 18, I will be moving out. I love my DH, but I need to love my health and sanity more. Life is precious.
I have told my story many
I have told my story many times on here and reading your posts have confirmed my findings. I could write a book on my toxic SD55; but have decided she is not worth the time.
Your SD got exactly what she wanted; your DH to come out onto the curb and talk to her; your SD knows that makes you crazy; she knows how to pull your strings; your health is suffering from the drama; and you, like myself, live too close to your SD. Another fact, your DH loves his daughter, that will never change. His love for you is different and has nothing to do with his daughter.
It has taken me a long time to come to realization that I am the only person in control of myself and my thoughts. I am not a controlling person, with that said, I hate being controlled. Therefore, I took control of MY actions, MY thoughts, and MY every day life. My SD hates my change, because I don't give her a thought, the time of day, or even go near her. I stay completely away from her and she drives by our home every day, because she lives less than one block from us. I don't even look up at the traffic. My SD emails me, calls, all of the things that used to bug me, she still tries; I ignore her completely. I do not talk or respond to my SD in any way; nor do I ever discuss my SD with my DH. If he mentions her or her family, I listen to what his point is, then I change the subject immediately. My DH hardly ever mentions her these days. I dropped her like she is dead!
Everyone is different and it is very difficult for you, obviously. No amount of tears, ranting, or walking away will change the SD problem that is ruining your health. You have to take control of your thinking and take care of yourself physically. When I wake up each morning, I begin with a new agenda for myself, starting with my positive thinking and I set my goals for the day ( I take it one day at a time). I found the more I ignore my grown SD and let her and my DH live in their own misery, without me, the happier I am. It is not easy to be left out of the picture, but believe me it is worth it.
I'm sure my DH and SD continue to gossip behind my back; but I don't give DH anything to take to her; there are many areas I disengaged from my DH also, concerning SD.
Maybe you can begin by continuing to look for a new place to live. Just remember, your SD is not going away.
Keep venting on here with us, we are here to support you fully. Find ways to keep your mind off of your SD.
Awesome advice Sammigirl!!
Awesome advice Sammigirl!! Good for you sister. I love being left out of the picture since the picture only concerns dollar bills and bitchiness. Everyone else can have her lazy ass! Yahooooooooooooooooo!!!!
Honestly speaking? It is not
Honestly speaking? It is not worth it. We are talking about women in their fifties. Old enough to be grandmas themselves and they have nothing better to do than stalk their stepmoms. This situation will not change. It is better to leave the man and his daughter and move on.
stepinafrica - You are right
stepinafrica - You are right on there. I posted this thread because I am thinking about what I want to do and what I can expect in the future. More of this carp, or peace and quiet, and you know which one I want to choose.
I love my husband. Except for the Twit he is a good man, and he is failing as we all do in life...not as quick mentally wise, slowing down physically, etc. One part of me says that throwing in the towel now would be like leaving him because he is getting old (he is older than me). He has tried to abate Twit and at times has really put her in her place but at other times he seems to slip back. Another part says run like hell to extend my own life.
THIS is a big thing, I am thinking. I mean, DH has been here for me in my illness and done the best he could. He was always at the hospital and a real comfort when I was waiting for test results, and at other times in my life as I have been there for him.
When I can get out and around on my own I am going to see my counselor on this. I did talk to her on the phone and she advised that being as sick as I was and with the treatments, it was not a good time to be making big decisions like this...that it also could be because of all I am going through that makes things seem bigger than they are.
Your DH may be a 'good man'
Your DH may be a 'good man' but you KNOW you cannot trust him where his daughter is concerned. If I were you I would cut my losses and move on. Your own health and your LIFE is more important than this.
If I was sick and helpless/relying on my DH and he was under the control of my SS I would divorce him ASAP.