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Things are Going Fine - Still Grieving

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Some days are better than others.  Kind of down right now because I just had surgery on my one leg.  Went well and I am healing nicely.

I occasionally catch myself doing that hindsight stuff, what if I had known what I found out about his daughter earlier.  Why didn't I see the first warnings.

The answer to the last part of that is that I wasn't looking for anything like she was.  I had not spent alot of time around her and she is capable of hiding what she is for short period of time.  To blame is my husband who KNEW what she was and allowed her to take her illness out on me.  But that is water under the bridge.

Scully is fine and a good furry friend.  Granddaughter takes him for his walks these days, but he still heads for G'ma's room to see whatis going on.

My ex-stepdaughter, the good one, checks in with me occasionally.  She is a sweetheart.  She has had no contact with the Twit, as far as she is concerned they are totally done.  She was saying how angry she is with her father (now deceased) because of what he allowed her crazy sister to do to both him and I.  I think she is harbouring some undeserved guilt that she couldn't do more to separate her Father from the Twit.  Perhaps then he would still be alive and we would be together.  I told her not to feel guilty, what happened with her father and the Twit had nothing to do with her.  He just couldn't let her go, felt guilty that no one else wanted anything to do with her, etc.

WEll, folks, can't sit with my leg down too long so I will get along.


SacrificialLamb's picture

It is so nice to see you here!  And I am happy to see that you are not saddling yourself with guilt, which you should not be doing anyway.  Did you have knowledge about the kind of crazy that Twit was ahead of time? Unless you were a mental health professional, not likely.  None of us did. I look back at what my OSD45 displayed early on and I feel so dumb.

So glad to see you giving an update here!  This site is missing your knowledge and backgroudn; I hope you stick around! So many of us have wacky SD's, even in their 40's, 50's and older. It's just utterly crazy what these women expect.

Enjoy your peace and feel better!


Aunt Agatha's picture

Glad things are going well for you!  Agree - you and your wisdom in dealing with the toxicity are always welcome!

tog redux's picture

Glad you are okay and that so many people, including his daughter, are validating that you were not the problem and that the issues with Twit were real.  I'm sorry he never figured that out so he could have had a happy life with you. 

advice.only2's picture

So good to hear from you and that you are doing well. Glad your surgery went well and that it's healing.

lala-land's picture

Thank you for the update....I hope your healing goes well.

Merry's picture

So good to hear from you! We all look back and think about the woulda coulda shoulda things. It's good you recognize what's going on and not beating yourself up or dwelling on it.

Hope you heal quickly!

Delilah's picture

I don't know how but I missed your update in june. I have followed your story for years and years, and am so sorry about your late ex dh! heartbreaking for you all. huge hugs from across the pond x

Exjuliemccoy's picture

It's so great to get an update from you! I hope you recuperation is both smooth and quick.

I need to thank you, SDM. You sharing this latest chapter has given me valuable insight into what my mother must have gone through. She waited until I was 12 before divorcing my father (who was 77), and then he died only six months later. I can only imagine the complicated mix of emotions you've experienced the last several months, and wish I could give you a big hug.

Please keep checking in with us. There are a lot of people on this site who care about you, and want all good things for you.

sandye21's picture

So glad to know you are doing well.  As Sacrificial mentioned there was no way to know Twit was bat-sh*t crazy ahead of time.  Sad that good Sd feels so much guilt.  there was probably nothing she really could have done either.  I agree - your ExDH was really responsible for most of the trauma and heartache you went through.  He MUST have known something was wrong when the family disassociated themselves from Twit.  But that is how dysfunctional people deal with conflict.  instead of searching for the truth they play into the game.  Please keep in touch as there are plenty of us who need your wisdom.  (((HUGS)))

StepUltimate's picture

SDM, it's so nice to read your update, thank you. So glad your surgery is done & you are healing, taking care of you. I love knowing you are surrounded with healthy, loving family and that your interactions with TT are in the distant past - you have your freedom. 

As an animal-lover, I also love knowing you have Scully ♡♡♡! They really are our Best Friends (better than we could ever ask for!) and help our hearts heal. 

Disillusioned's picture

So good to hear from you and hope you have a very speedy recovery. So sorry for the loss of your DH! Please take care of yourself X0 

Focused_onourlife's picture

Sending big virtual hugs your way SDM! I had no idea about your ex H and praying for your strength and healing. You're an inspiration to so many including myself. I wish you well and for a speedy recovery.  I hope you continue to check in and post.

Rags's picture

Hind site and regret are part of grieving the loss of a marriage.  No doubt the recent death of your X is compounding that process.

I am happy that the good SD is staying in contact.  The two of you can be strong support for each other as you both go through grieving your loss and can bolster each other through the periodic Twit related historical lamentations.

Heal quickly and take care of you.

Big healing hugs.  


CLove's picture

Thanks for updating us all.

Sending you best wishes for healing, both physically and emotionally. Life really is too short. So we bought a boat Biggrin

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Thanks to all of you.  Some days are really rough, some days sesem fine until something triggers a good time EX and I had, or a bad episode with the Twit.

Like they say, hindsight is 20/20.  Was reading an old journal and what I had put down in it should have scared the begesus out of me, but I had no clue and EXH made excuses for her.  She would be nasty one minute and then, when called on it, would start to cry that she didn't mean it, etc.  No real apology, just manipulating her father.

Interesting wasthe part I wrote about how she controlled her "babies (adult) by making them do just what she said.  Just like Pavlo's dogs.  There is something very weird going on in that house that I don't want to know about.

Life IS so much better without having to wonder when she is going to pop up again and cause problems.