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Received an Easter Card and Some INTERSTING Info from EX

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

I received a very nice Easter Greeting card from my EX today.  I almost didnt open it but was glad I did.  He enclosed some information about the Twit that I found quite telling, and apparently he did too.

After changing her phone number, etc. way back etc. seems Twit calls him up crying (of course) all distraught because.....GET READY for this seems that the "Bride" went back to her family in Europe!!!  She went back just before Pres. Trump closed our borders to them and is still there with evidently no intentions of returning even though she couldn't right now if she wanted to.

According to EX, Twit has been spending a lot of time consoling her Babie since then.  And, Twit is just furious that she would do something like this to Her Son!  (Oh the anger of a Twit is really something to see and hear.)

EX told me I was right about the whole wedding drama we were all put through.  I am so glad that all we ever sent was a mediocer Wedding card, no check, no gift, nadda.

He noted that he felt bad that the only reason she called him was to cry to him about her humiliation/anger in this matter.  The marriage lasted, in my counting, a whole 18 months!  He said she was whining about not having any grandchildren, and on and on. (Me thinks that is the greatest thing to have happened so far.  I bet dealing with Twit had a lot to do with things as Twit would never just leave them be.)

There was no recrimination etc., he just said that he now sees things, regardingTwit and me, in a totally different light.  That she really didn't ask about him, his health, if he needed anything during this scary time - EX has heart problems and asthma so he at risk besides being old. She only came out of the woodwork because she was upset and to cry.  My, My.

Any way, he hoped I was well.  Nothing about wanting to hear from me etc.  He did say that he had no intention of going to live with Twit.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Now for how I feel.  Well, the card was nice.  There were no recriminations agains me for doing what I did with he divorce.  It was interesting that this particular instance on Twit's behavior, etc. was the final straw.  I mean, remember all the drama we were ut through about not being invited, being invited, then finding out that Twit's baby didn't want EX to come (he was going alone if he did....I was going to Vegas with his other daughter and her husband.)

Unsaid is that she totally ignored him through Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years etc.  Only this brings her out of the woodwork.

And you can bet EX had an earful of how terrible the "bride" is, etc.  Any problems would never be of her Baby's making.

One word regarding Twit.....KARMA.  

Survivingstephell's picture

He's trying to hoover you back in.  Nice to know about the Twit saga , hahaha, but really, I hope you don't respond.  He's checking to see if you still care.  

Miss T's picture

... but you really would be better off if you stop communicating with him, and completely ignore his attempts to communicate with you. Can't remember from previous posts, but you realize you almost certainly have PTSD from the abuse you suffered at the hands of this man and his offspring--right? Well, he is re-traumatizing you, triggering emotional responses that need to stop for you to have any hope of healing.

I know, I know. Easier said than done. But you've got to, for your own sake. Just stop.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

I don't care what he maybe trying to do or not.  It is over and the healing process has to go on.  IMHO, no one heals as they go through a's tough to do both at the same time.  Now that it is over I can work on peace.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Did he ask how you are doing? Express any interest in YOU? Or did he just want to vent about his daughter ... to you... the wife he lost because of said daughter?

And despite her costing him his marriage (to be fair, also caused in part due to his inaction), he chats with her, entertains her narcissism without holding her accountable, and then writes to share this with you. *facepalm*

Don't let him suck you back in, SDM. They are cut from the same cloth, and he hasn't learned one damn thing.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Hi Julie - Actually he did, but it doesn't matter.  He did say that her latest contact drove home what I had been saying about her.  Do note that he said nothing about her inviting him to go live with her. 

He is not sucking me in.  I only posted about this because, well it was strange that he wrote what he did as it no longer matters.

And it was nice to learn that my prediction about that marriage was right wouldn't last.  Forgive me for that, but I always thought that.

Focused_onourlife's picture

I agree with your observations SDM BUT you have clearly set a boundary with your EX (before he was your EX) not to bring Twit up to you at all, so you need to stick to that boundary regardless if it's to your benefit or not. The issue is he's still crossing the lines. HE knew this all along about his crazy ass DD (as most DH's does but he didn't respect your disengagement or you at all) and still tried to gaslight you, so please don't let him manipulate you either. He's just trying anything he can to get you to come back and take care of him. Just throw his anything away going forward. It's too late..

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

That is exactly what I did with the card and note after I read it.  I know this sounds mean, but I did get satisfaction out of knowing my insight into that marriage was correct.  Validates a lot of what was going on all those years.

I take marriage very seriously, but I gave him every chance to make the break from Twit.   It seems, in looking back, that at that one counseling session where he blurted out, "but that's mydaughter", that was it for me.  I had done all I could.  When I get to that point there was no turning back.

hereiam's picture

he just said that he now sees things, regardingTwit and me, in a totally different light. 

Haha! Sure, he does!

Stay the course.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Yes he did ask how I was doing etc.  But the last weeks of contemplatin, praying, some healing (will take a long time especially with the PTSD), I really could have cared less about him.  It was just interesting that  only after something happens to Twit does she surface again,   It is all about her, always has been and always will be for she thinks every one is watching her, out to cheat her, etc.  Always looking for something to take as a light and make a big thing of.

She may be his daughter and he the only one in the family that has anything to do with her, but my impression was that was changing.

Do I have any intention of contacting him?  NO.  I do, however, feel a tinge of guilt because we moved to an area where he has no family (to get away from Twit) so he is really alone.  But his good daughter is about a state over.  While she can't take him in I am certain she keeps in contact and checks on him.


hereiam's picture

I understand about the twinge of guilt but even after HAVING to move because of HIS daughter, he still allowed her to ruin your marriage. That is his own fault, and it's his own fault that he is alone.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Hereiam - EXACTLY!  I have no intention of contacting him or any such thing.  I was just curious as to why he would be sending a card.

sandye21's picture

First of all, it is just wonderful to hear from you.  I hope you are enjoying your present life with your family and precious dog.

It is understandable that you were curious - and that is what it was.  Curiosity.  It was also validation that you did the right thing by leaving his sorry a$$.  If he really had any desire to make things right he would completely cut off all contact with Twit a long time ago.  But he isn't going to do that because the drama is too enticing and infectious.  This is an attempt to pull you back into it.    From now on, please take any correspondence from the ex and give it to your daughter to review.  If she tells you it's nothing new - which this wasn't - throw it away without reading it.

I had a similar experience to the 'pull' that drama can create with my birth family.  I finally cut all ties because knowing about their lives and what they do delays needed healing.  I don't owe them the respect they never gave to to me - and you don't owe this to your ex.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Yes Sandye, it was just curiosity, nothing else.  I am not obsessed with Twit.  Didn't think about her until the card.  Then the flood of anger comes in.  You see, I truly believe that my EX made his choice when he didn't stand by me and back me with all the Twit nonsense.  The only thing that gave me satisfaction is that the Ole Twit never changes....thus reinforces my decision to leave and divorce.  Divorce is a BIG thing to do and to go through.  The mental and emotional stuff is, in my opinion, much more severe than many, not all, physical beatings.  Make no mistake, both are bad and wrong.

If I have a regret it is that I didn't do it soon enough rather than putting up with years and years of carp with both of them.

AND, I have no intention of responding any way whatso ever.  Except that at times I do have that guilt I talked about earlier.  But it will past with time.  It has only been a very short time since the papers were finalized.


sandye21's picture

I was abused both physically and emotionally as a child.  This really screrwed me up.  There were further traumatic experiences in my life that were piled on top of all of the other hurt, and only added to the PTSD.  Sometimes when we have PTSD we have  to 'revisit' pain, confirm that we did the right thing and move on.  Every time we do this we are healed just a little bit more.  Each time you recall and work through the horrible expereinces the frustration gets less and less until one day you are healed and say, "I'm done."  Sometimes people will tempt you to go back in some way but this gives you the opportunity to resist and congratulate yourself.

The letter may have made you revisit the situation, learn some new information which only serves to justify the reason you divorced from not only your EX but from the trash he brought along with him.  The purpose of the card might have been to pull you in but  but when you threw it in the trash you knew it was in the past.  Done.

Every once in a while I hear something about SD.  As time goes on I sometimes recall some of the nasty things SD did, thank my lucky stars I no longer have to deal with her obnoxious behavior, and become more resolute to never allowing her in my life again.  Every time I write about SD she gets farther and farther away.  

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

What you say  there is so wise and true.  And sometimes it is revisiting the past that keeps us from doing the same mistake, over and over.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Scully is doing well.  Grandson is home from college and doing his classwork online, as is my Granddaughter and Son-in-Law.  Everyone is being cautions because Grandma...ME...does have the age to be in the bad zone for it.

I have a hard time walking so a lot of times GD and I go out, early, and walk Scully.  She takes care of Scully after that unless I am up to another walk.  Guess one could say she walks me too!

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

You know, actually, out of the whole thing, I found it interesting that the "Bride" went back to Europe.  FWIW, I never figured that marriage would work out long.  It just reinforced all the things I had been observing and dealing with for some 8 years.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

You predicted the relationship wouldn't last, and were spot on.

Twit has ruined her sons, and no woman in possession of brains and good mental health would put up with Twit interfering in her marriage. Unless/until her sons are willing to break free from Twit, they will never have partners.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Exactly, Julie.  And hearing that only reinforced me towards the healing process.  I think you know what I mean by that.

DPW's picture

I'm just in so much disbelief right now that your exDH would send you a card and write about Twit!!! He really does not get it, even after the divorce papers were signed... 

And you, my darling, you need to continue with your no contact strategy and that means you shouldn't open any further mail from your ex as it's simply opening up old wounds. 

SteppedOut's picture

I agree with this. 

And. I feel like he will progress to "I'm not contacting her anymore so now we can get back together". (Really she is not contacting him often.)

And while you don't have any intention of reconciling, it will extend the recovery time. I think all further attempts of communication should be ignored. Just tell your family to throw cards/letters etc. in the trash and not even tell you about them. 

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Agree.  But I had a sllip of curiosity.  Don't worry, I'm not going back to crazyville.

What this did do was help me by reinforcing the things I experiienced and lived through.  That is a good thing in that revalidated.


sammigirl's picture

I read this in entirety.  I understand and relate to what you say here.  Grief comes with the 3 "D's".  Divorce is a devastating experience.  Disengagement destroys, but necessary in my case.  Death throws it all together and raises guilt and regret. 

My DH passed recently.   First thing, I received a card with no return address, and an out of town post mark from SD.  Of course I opened it, because I have a friend that lives in the city from where it was post marked.  I trashed it.  Next time, if there is no return of address, or I wish not to receive it, I have "return to sender" stickers". 

You are doing well.  Venting here is something you should continue.  

Rags's picture

It doesn't pass the smell test SDM.

I think that at some level most of us want our Xs to gain clarity.  If not for the pain and suffering we went through then for their own good.

I was fortunate, once our divorce was final there were only a couple of calls from her then my XW seased all contact for about 3 years.  There were a few months of banshee succubus  howling from her when she wanted me quit claim the house to her.  That didn't happen and ultimately geriatric grandpa Fortune 500 executive sugar/baby daddy cut me a big check.  I have never heard from her again.  So far it has been 27 years and counting.  

Don't let him weasel his way back in.  His supposed epiphany about TWIT as expressed by the Easter card doesn't pass the smell test.  Why would this and not decades of TWIT crap burn into his grey matter?  You are what is important in all of this.  Keep your nose engaged.  The smell test is a great self preservation tool.

As for TWIT's DIL.... good for her.  Hopefully this is her saving herself from that shallow and polluted gene pool and not just a virus driven visit to her parents.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

AGree totally Rags.  I have no idea why he did what he did and I really, truely don't care.

I admit, my curiosity got the best of me in that I openned the card, but what it did was actuallly make me feel better because it reinforced me in what I had done.  And that is a good thing.   I am going through the stages of grief and they are not consequtive and sometimes one relapses, but the light still shines at the end of the process.

What I do kick myself for is agreeing to move down near the Twit in fhe first place.  All lthis would not have happened except for that move.  But as I have said, I had no clue as to what she was really like as I had only been in contact with her for a few days at a time over holidays, etc.  Who could have known based on my limited info on her.  But EH knew and didn't disclosue.  THAT was WRONG!

Don't worry, I'm not giong to get sucked back in to crazyville.

Rags's picture

I get the grief cycle.  It is usually a 2-4 year process to get through.  Take all the time you need.

Enjoy your life dear lady.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Just wanted to post this.  My EX H passed away.  Seems that was the reason for the card, according to his good daughter, that he wanted me to know that he hadn't slipped back to Twitism.  She said he anted to tell me but couldn't at that time.

I would have like to go to the funeral but with all this Covid stuff and my age it was best I didn't.

Also, and this was a surprise, Ex-H left me everything he had!  Seems, according to good daughter, he wanted me to know that he had left nothing to Twit who had broken us up.  I have the items I would like to keep, told his good daughter and son to take what they wanted from the rest and to give the rest to charity.  Good daughter is handling it.  As for his savings, etc., after all his expenses and bills are paid, anything left goes to me via the his lawyer.

I also received a letter the other day from his lawyer saying pretty much the same thing.

Talk about my feelings, etc. being all over the place!  I am sad, mad, etc. and, not surprisingling livid at the Twit!  Do note that it is not the Twit that is handling anything, but EX's good daughter.

She told me she cares about me and wants to keep in touch.  That if I needed anything, ever, to let her know!  How nice of her.  You would never see his sister, the Twit do anything like that.  Forive me when I say...may she eventually r

Hope this makes sense as, well I think you can all understand what I feel and am going through.  

Rags's picture


I am so sorry to hear of the demise of your beloved XH.  I shared your story and read your post to my DW who sends big hugs to you and hopes that you can find peace as you grieve the passing of your XH and continue to find joy in the life  you are living following your divorce.

Ditto, what my wife said.

Take care of you.

Big Hugs!!!!!


sandye21's picture

SDM, your emotions must be all over the place.  Those who have followed your story know the extreme trauma you have suffered.  The sadness and confusion echos in us.  We will never fully understand the pain you are and have gone through but we offer you a virtual mass hug.  Arms come out from everywhere in your direction.

Your DD and the good SD sound like valuable people to keep in your life.  You did your best with what you had to work with, and all of the obstacles placed in front of you.  You did the only thing you could to save your sanity.  You deserved a happy life.  You are admired for courage some of us are still struggling to find.  (((BIG HUGS)))

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Thak you Sandye.  Yes, my emotions are all over the place and it is rough going.  I am so angry with Twit I hope she rots in h*ll.  But they probably don;'t want her kind either.

piegirl's picture

I am sure you are still in shock! So glad there is a good daughter who is taking care of things - how ugly Twit made his life...

Be safe and well

(((((Huge virtual hugs)))))

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

FWIW, remember I had been aying he didn't look well and was losing weight even wen I lived back in his area.  And then during the divorce process, he pushed his case for us to stay together and then, around the last month,  there was silence.  I was actually wondering if he was going to sign the papers by the deadline I had set on my offer to him.  Apparently he was sick then. 

Even my DD is upset at this.  As she says, he was a good  man who was being tormented by a sick daughter that he wasn't able to cut off.

Rags's picture

My condolences to you and your family on the loss of your XH.

You raised a wonderful daughter.  I hope that you and your family can live your lives Twit free now.

Sincere regards,


SteppedOut's picture

SDM, I am sure this makes this even more difficult. I know you still cared for him, dispite divorcing.

You did what you had to do yo save yourself, do remember he was not looking out for you as he should have been. 

Please continue to live your best life with your daughter and family. 

Dovina's picture

Saddened to read this. I have followed your blogs for years and you are one strong inspiring woman.

Hold on to the good memories , cherish them and remember you held your spot as his wife with class and grace. You left him in the same manor. 

Take good care of yourself. You are a good writer. Keep writing and sharing. May your next chapter be peaceful.

Merry's picture

Oh, I am so sorry. This must be so painful for you.

 Be kind to yourself and surround yourself with people you love and cherish.

Oldfool's picture

Keep your DD close and the good SD too...sincere condolences...but now TWIT HAS  NO-ONE left to make trouble on. She is going to feel KARMA....even the 'bride' had to get away from her...

You can now enjoy the rest of your life in peace without TWIT in it.......

susanm's picture

I am so sorry to hear this news.  How fortunate that you are with your daughter and her family during this time!  I unfortunately have some experience with someone passing away before conflict between us had a chance to be resolved.  The flood of feelings was, for me, overwhelming and very hard.  May I respectfully suggest that you seek out the assistance of someone specializing in complex grief if you find yourself having that experience?  I waited to take that step trying to "tough it out" and wish I had some help addressing my feelings far sooner than I did.  Sending a big hug to you!

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Thanks to all of you for your well wishes.  I have been a blubbering old lady, on and off, since I got the news.  I am so ANGRY at the TWIT I could scream.  That is one destructive, mean person.

I know I need to talk to a grief counselor because this, the divorce and his death, are way too much, too close; but I am not ready for that right now.

DD and her family are wonderful.  She is great in that she knows when to step back and just give me time to myself.  Scully comes and lies down on the end of the bed and just is there, which is, I guess, his way of being supportive.

Let's face it, right now I am a mess of anger, feelings, and all kinds of things.

advice.only2's picture

She's Driving me I am so very sorry, even the loss of an ex husband hurts. I really hope he's found peace now and he's free from the chains of TWIT. Take care of yourself and know you are loved.

advice.only2's picture

She's Driving me I am so very sorry, even the loss of an ex husband hurts. I really hope he's found peace now and he's free from the chains of TWIT. Take care of yourself and know you are loved.