I can do this
So far this site has really helped me realise that the issue in my house has absolutely nothing to do with me and all about the dynamics between SO and SD (23). Yes I am responsible for managing my expectations and how I want to manage my home but ultimately their behaviour is just that, theirs!
I have counselling right to help me overcome my own personal issues and this has been very inciteful into how I manage and respond to the stimulus in my home. I have realised that the things I want doing in my home to my standard I have to go through SD herself (which I have been avoiding tbh) so she knows these are my requests and to have to respect about them. I will say them continuously until she does them and i no longer care that I get a surly lip curled at me and a sarcastic question back. This is her issue and not mine.
Some of you might think I should just push everything back to SO but these are my issues and I have to deal with them. Yes he should be properly parenting her and he should be telling her straight to get her stuff together and grow up but I can't change that, I can only change how I manage these issues.
I have realised that I have almost tried to gather evidence of her misdemeanors to present to SO so he actually believes my point. This I now know isnt going to work as SD in his eyes can do no wrong unless there is tangible unequivicable proof, and I am not wasting my energy anymore trying to prove my point, so I will be going direct to source.
I have also been finding myself mirroring her behaviour and this has caused me anxiety as the behaviour I have been expressing just isnt me. For example for days she will come downstairs, not speak and will disappear leaving things in the sink, so I have also not spoken to her nor made an effort. This morning I was myself, I said morning and I now feel more empowered as I am being me and not being squashed down to behave like her, spoilt!
My mental health has been quiet unbalanced for a couple of months due to my managing my overwhelming grief of a miscarriage and I have truly struggled to feel confident enough to manage SD surly attitude and continued expectation of being waited on by her dad. It got to the point I have had to go onto medication and I am so happy I have! I feel clear and focused and I know I need to manage this awful situation better than they both are.
I can do this and to others, you will be ok when you take your own power back. For me my partner went from a good partner, great step dad to a man I didnt know when his daughter is around and this is what I have struggled with. Seeing the person you love acting like someone you really wouldn't give the time of day to is shocking, hurtful and downright like having a bad trip! But we will get there if we truly want to and for me I know he won't have her living here for years as he just isnt like that but I know it will probably go on for far longer than I want.