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Family Zoom Call and More SD23 Drama

caninelover's picture

So SO's family has a Zoom call every other Sunday.  He has a large family (6 siblings spread around the country, and his 87 year old mom lives in Wisconsin).  So they invite the next generation, who are now mostly young adults.  Of course most young adults don't wanna hang around a zoom call with older aunts/uncles so they partipate sporadically or pop on for a minute to say hello and go do something else.  SD23 is the exception and is on every call, since she has no life or friends and therefore nothing else to do on a weekend.  Annoying as since I disengaged I really dislike seeing her surly face, but don't really acknowlege her and its typically only a half hour call.

So yesterday's call SO's mom asked SD23 what her plans were for Christmas Day.  SD23 is not invited to spend Christmas with us.  SO's sister (SD23's aunt) lives near her and the assumption was SD23 would go there for Christmas, as she did for Thanksgiving.  There was some awkwardness though, as though SD23 hadn't been officially invited.  Also seems like SD23 was trying to call her aunt fishing around for an invitation but hadn't heard back.  On the call her Aunt made some excuse about breaking her phone but then said of course SD23 should come over on Christmas Day.  

Then after the Zoom call ended SO's phone immediately starts blowing up with texts.  I always know this is some SD23 drama as she will text 15 times in a row when she is upset about something.  I didn't ask and SO didn't say but I assume it was SD23 whining again about having nowhere to go for holidays, whining about not really feeling welcome at her aunt's house, etc.

I wonder if her aunt was hoping SD23 would go somewhere else for the holiday but no such luck?  Maybe even her aunt's family is annoyed at SD23's surly rude behavior?  At any rate, too bad so sad for SD23 - cause she ain't coming here!

CajunMom's picture

I'm new to the board but have been in the crazy stepworld 15+ years. High Conflict BM, Parental Alienation, lies, etc. I'm sure you know the drill. They were nothing but soldiers, bringing their mom's psychotic behaviors into my home whenever the opportunity arose. 

This is my 3rd Christmas SK-free. Plain and simple...they are not allowed in our home, a boundary set with our counselor. An event with those disgusting humans in Feb 2018 was my "over the cliff" moment. I finally realized I was LETTING them destroy me. 2021 will make 3 years I haven't seen or spoken to any of them. DH manages his relationships with them away from our home and I don't ask questions.

Grateful to have my favorite holiday back. So are my kids and our extended family. Walking on eggshells for over 10 years of Christmas celebrations grew tiresome.

caninelover's picture

My over the cliff moment was Thanksgiving 2018.  I don't get what these kids think making a bunch of stupid drama on a holiday gets them.  Then they complain when the obvious outcome - them not being invited because of their obnoxious behavior - happens.  

I think they do believe they can get away with any treatment of SM's and their Dad will support it.  Dream on, kid.

Harry's picture

SD must be so bad no one wants to deal with her.  Maybe she will learn something about burning bridges 

caninelover's picture

I wouldn't waste a pizza on her.  I wouldn't even bother sending her a lump of coal to be honest!

She doesn't learn even though she doesn't get along with many people.  She is stuck up and self righteous and can't seem to figure out she is the common denominator is most relationship conflicts.

Kaylee's picture

Oh, the Christmas issue!

3 years ago, my ex wanted to bring his mini wife brat (then aged 20) to my family home for Christmas. I said absolutely NOT. She is not spoiling our family celebration with her rude sullen behaviour. He said, but where can she go for Christmas? I said not my problem. I told him he needed to sort it out himself. 

His mother said I was mean for not inviitng mini wife, but I didn't notice HER putting her hand up to have her!! Yep, her own grandmother didn't want her. Here's why:

She gets trashed on booze and makes a spectacle of herself

Is her daddy's ghost shadow - won't leave his side for a minute 

Won't pitch in and help with food prep. dishes etc - just sits playing on her phone 

If people try and engage her in conversation, she answers in grunts or monosyllables 

Spends ages in the bathroom putting on fake tan and make up - everyone else has to wait to use the bathroom.

 

In the end Daddy paid for her plane tickets to go to some relatives in another city, for Christmas

caninelover's picture

SD complains that 87 year old grandma doesn't respect her chosen pronouns, so I doubt she is going there any time soon!

This Aunt is one of the few family members she was sending to get along with but who knows.  Her welcome seems to be waning there.  I hope not because I don't want her back!

Stepdrama2020's picture

They sure do! The only one who doesnt is the disney dad.

No one likes these manipulative SD's that are raised by the butt kissing worshipping dad. 

KC is not the stepmother's picture

Funny, my over the cliff moment was also Thanksgiving 2018. I've seen SD34 once since then, meeting ro return her son that we had for a long weekend.  

SD34 wanted to rent a beach house for Thanksgiving,  and since she had demolished her kitchen with no plan or money to put one back together, it seemed like a good idea. I rented a beach house about an hour drive for her, 6 hours for us.  Then she asked if her boyfriend's parents and sister could join us. So I canceled that beach house and rented a larger one. $1,600 for 4 nights but it was a beautiful house right on the beach with 5 bedrooms, a double height living room with views of the ocean, and a hot tub. 

SD34 said she needed to rent a car (to drive an hour?) but couldn't rent a car without a credit card in her name. I figured that I would end up with the bill but told her she could not use it for anything else.  I also set up purchase alerts for anything over $1. By the time I had to ask for the card back on Friday morning she had charged $600 on it, including her damn cell phone bill.  

I could go on for an hour mr about her stupid shenanigans that Thanksgiving weekend but you all know, you've lived it. Oh, and her boyfriend's parents and sister didn't come, I doubt she ever even invited them. 

caninelover's picture

So in 2018 I invited SD (then 21) to join us at our house for the week (she was in college and had nowhere else to go - doesn't get along with her BM or siblings).  I made a traditonal Thanksgiving dinner (just a small one since it was just 3 of us that year, SO, SD, and myself).  SD decided that day she was vegan and 'couldn't eat any of this' - note this was right when we were sitting down to dinner. WTF.  The next day we were dropping her off at the airport and asked her where she wanted to go for dinner before her flight.  She said Boston Market and proceeded to sit there and chow down on a most non-vegan chicken and mac dinner (24 hours after she said she was a strict vegan).

I found out later that SO had told her she should plan to move out a year after she finished college.  It was the start of a lot of passive agressive behavior over the next year before I finally told her to take a hike.  Then she whined to SO - silent treatment, guilt trips, etc - to get me to go to family therapy with them.  The first therapist fired us because she complained to them about their mediation techniques and said they used the wrong pronouns for her.  The second therapist was better but useless.  Finally just ended the therapy and told her I disengaging and no longer cared if she was 'comfortable' visiting my home or not.  Best Day Ever with her.

My personal goal for 2021 is to really start enjoying life without her (now that she finally is moved out) and to not allow her drama take up any space in my life.