The SD & the EX
Steplife is hard but in my situation, I’m dealing with two main issues, the SD & the EX.
My SS’s are biologically my SO’s but my SD isn’t, this is not the issue, her behaviour is. Classic mini wife – amongst other things. The EX is not high conflict like many mentioned on this site but she does suffer from an intense case of golden uterus syndrome, also, she is very keen on a ‘friendship’ with my SO. For the children – obvi.
It took me awhile to boil it down & realise that SD being treated differently (precious snowflake) by all the adults in her life as well the EX wanting a kumbaya (modern family) friendship with my SO are the two main sticking points in our relationship with regards to Stepville. For the sake of clarification, my SO thinks similarly, that being friendly with his EX is what he strives for as opposed to simply being polite. There are & will always be other things, YSS’s lack of table manners & OSS’s lack of motivation are just two that come to mind, but they are all manageable & not things I need to involve myself in if I don’t want to.
My SO does a decent job of dealing with both my SD & the EX. He definitely tries, to the best of his ability, to handle all the different elements of Stepland & to prioritise me as he should. Sometimes, I think the best of his ability is not good enough, I’m not being critical I’m just being honest.
Knowing what causes me issues & what I need to address is really helpful. It sometimes feels like SK’s & all that comes along with them is just so overwhelming but for me, it’s not everything, it’s certain things. This way, I can move forward & try to work with my SO because if I can’t communicate my needs & wants, he can’t help me.
This site has been a great resource, I joined almost a year ago & don’t post too often, I read a lot though. I’ve found some clarity & recognise the areas I/we need to focus our attention. I’ve also come to the realisation that I have a partner who wants to make out partnership work – that’s huge.
Find the core of your Stepping issues & then figure out if you have a supportive partner. That would be my advice, as first steps, for anyone else. Drowning out the noise & appreciating that my SO has my best interests at heart is the only way I’m navigating my way through the waters of Stephell.
I’m seriously thinking of going to speak to someone in a professional capacity, not because I’m desperate but because I want to do my best to avoid any sort of desperation, I think a neutral sounding board may help me. Perhaps ultimately, it’d be good to invite SO along but for now, I think it could be beneficial to me regardless of that.
I usually post when I’m in need of advice but this time, I guess I’m more just thinking out loud, taking stock of what I’ve learned & mapping a future plan... Any words of wisdom are always welcome tho