Time Flies – Things Change
Both OSS & YSS have had recent birthdays, they are now OSS17 & YSS15, time flies. The older they get the more I think about what is to come as opposed to what is happening now. The present is obviously still important & there are things that happen often that SO & I still work on but a lot of these things feel insignificant now. I find myself focusing on future thoughts instead. For example, something that has always bothered me is the fact that SO & BM have a schedule but choose to swap & change willy-nilly, without thinking of others (her DH is used to the chaos & doesn’t seem to care – I’m not & do care). I’ve always requested that I be asked but the best I’ve ever been able to achieve is being told (getting a heads up in advance). These days, this still irks me but I don’t care as much because the older they get, the more the schedule changes revolve around SS’s social lives & less around BM’s social life (which I have more tolerance for). So, time goes on, things change.
This year, OSS isn’t returning to school, the school year aligns with the calendar year here so kids have recently returned for the year. His teachers basically said he won’t cope with the senior school workload & not to re-enroll him. When OSS is interested in a topic, he’s intense & obsessive, he has this amazing ability to retain information but when he isn’t interested he isn’t interested & naps in class. He is high-functioning autistic & BM has always used this as an excuse for everything. He beaks something in anger? Don’t tell him off – he’s autistic! So help me. SO gets annoyed at her but I’m not convinced he’s ever done enough to change the narrative. OSS has instead been enrolled in a part-time 6mnth course in an area of interest. It’s an area he enjoys (I’m trying not to be too specific) so I’m hopeful he will like it but there are problems with this plan. He’s a very young 17yr old (been babied since forever). He hasn’t ever caught public transport in his life & he’s going to need it to get to & from. No job will come from this. It’s part-time & when he isn’t attending class, there is no expectation he will work & after the 6mnth period is over, I’m not confident he’ll continue studying anything at all.
In the meantime, SO will still pay CS for him, as he is a minor. I don’t know if he could move to change that now that he’s left school but I know SO, he won’t, which is his choice & fine by me (not my money). This child will be dependent forever, I just feel it, so I have asked SO to confirm that he will not be paying for any adults kids once CS stops. He said ‘of course’ like it was a given but the fact I needed to ask means it’s not that obvious. I also want to ask about adult kids moving in with us once the gravy train stops because I fear this is in my future. I don’t know how to approach this tactfully. These are the ‘future’ conversations that concern me more than the ‘present’ annoyances.