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Hubby expects me to move money from my personal savings so he can give princesses more

headsaregonnaroll's picture

This would seem normal I suppose in some homes, but I have been asked daily if I got paid (am a contracted attorney(. This after DH wrote a 5000$ check to the SD who said she doesn't consider me family. It was from our joint checking. But only H is invited to the wedding because having me there would be uncomfortable.
DH also gives SD 17 all kinds of money - the only way she will even see him is to retrieve money or gifts.

Now I find that not only will our checking account overdraw due yet ANOTHER check I wasn't consulted about. He has paid the court ordered support since day one. he just thinks he should "help out" more. But she's placed with aunt and uncle and lacks for nothing there. It's a huge mess where I am only family for money purposes. I have not answered his latest "I need you to move money" texts. Any advice on how to answer this or if I should at all.

sandye21's picture

I agree - and take an extra $2550 out of the joint account and place it in your personal account. Do not allow him to give her one more dime of yours.

PokaDotty's picture

Oh hell no!!! Do not give him money!!! I'm still gobsmacked that the $5000 was given to the little princess. You seriously need a Come to Jesus talk with him.

headsaregonnaroll's picture

I thought you ladies would back me up. o am s sick of the drama. DH had the gall to be mad that I paid mortgage and electric before he wrote check and he is mad at me for paying those when his princess deserves. She has presents here and has every year. She always refuses to keep them. It's a wreck but he just keeps trying to buy their love.

I wonder what would happen if he stopped the cash flow (outside his child support which me pays ever month.

2Tired4Drama's picture

You are an attorney - so you know what the legal ramifications are by continuing to have a joint account with a spouse who is so irresponsible. Pretend you are advising a client; what advice would you give?

I certainly understand your emotional frustration at your situation, but given your profession you are better equipped than most of us on here to know what your legal rights are ... and how to protect them.

Justme54's picture

How old is this daughter who is getting married? I would tell him...sure, I will transfer the money when donkeys fly. I am so so sorry. Your DH is way worst then the average Disney Dad. Agree, he is like a coke addict. Disney Dad comes before mortage and household bills. WTF!

I hate to say this...I think you need to consider divorcing him. I beliece he is out of control. I fear that he is going to put you all in the poor house and screw your credit to NO END!!

May I ask? Do you work...who make the large income? I feel when you are should be our money, not my money or your money...even if the wife does not work.

I read somewhere...This couple talked over any purchases of $200. I think that is a good way to manage money as couple.

I feel for you. HUGS!

NotYetSM's picture

She didn't say what kind of attorney she is - she could be IP, Corporate, Estates, etc... none of them would have a client with the questions she is asking. Don;t give her a hard time for asking a question in a forum where it is supposed to be asked. A law degree doesn't make you an expert in every type of law.

Orange County Ca's picture

People who own boats often refer to their item as a "Hole in the water you pour money into".

Spouses who need to purchase their kids love are much the same. It's bottomless and especially so when its someone else's money. I desperately need to buy a new Ferrari and would be ecstatic if you would get it for me. There is no difference.

Don't listed to those who point our you're an attorney - they're human and want to do right by their spouses like anyone else.

ltman's picture

Be like Nancy Regan...just say NO. Seriously, separate the finances, do not contribute to the princess fund, take control of the bills and don't be surprised when he comes up short. No pun intended. Not your kid, not your problem.

emotionaly beat up's picture

Look, you know exactly what you have to,do, just do it. Anyone who complains because the mortgage and bills are paid before he had a chance to give money away, shouldn't be allowed anywhere joint finances. Wait till the grandchildren come. If he wants to see them, he will have to pay more.

SugarSpice's picture

i agree. separate finances now. he is doing this out of guilt and it will only get worse. he needs to support his own kids out of his own pocket, not yours. i did this early on and have never regreted it.

his kids, his problem.

Old sm's picture

Separate accounts are the way to go. Do and I used to have a joint and he depleted it spending money on his daughter. I separated our accounts and have never looked back. If he doesn’t have the $$, tough. He can’t touch my funds and I sleep better knowing he can’t do it. 

wildstang's picture

Let him  dig that account out of the financial hole.  I would open up a seperate account in my own name and route my checks into that account.

Rags's picture

"No" works. Stick with No!

Close the joint account and hand him all of the household bills for him to pay.  Not to play a boomer card... but.... I am a boomer and he is the "man of the house" and it is his responsibility to support his family.  He needs to gain some clarity on what it looks like and feels like to man up... or more importantly what failing to man up feels like.


Good luck.

notarelative's picture

Hubby can expect all he wants. You do not have to fulfill his expectations.

It's time to separate finances, and take control of the bills and your life. You have a huge DH problem. You can try getting him into joint counseling over this, but if he won't go or won't change you should consider separting from him. He is undermining you present finances, and threatening your financial future.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Get your own account and have your checks put into it...PERIOD!  Also, make sure that he gets all the bills to pay.  As it is, he is going to spend you, through his daughter, into bankruptcy.

Hopefully it was the check is wrote his princess that bounced and I would leave it that way and empty the rest so he can't write another one.

SugarSpice's picture

i know the feeling.

dh gave ten thousand dollars when sd (barely) graduated from college toward a brand new car.  after 20 years of marriage i got a cheap jewellery trinket because sd was getting married and wanted a lavish wedding.  my 20 th anniversay gift was my step daughters wedding.

i am just sitting back and watching karma hit both sd and her father.  its really amusing to hear them whine.

i split finances with dh one year into the marriage when i saw his children were getting the lions share of our joint income via cs.