I hope all of you are doing well. I don’t know how you deal with this shit. So no word from either one of them for two days which has been a relief.
I think I know what all this stemmed from and I am telling complete strangers this. You see, when I was 18 my mom was murdered in front of me and he tried to kill me too. I couldn’t save my mom because this son of a bitch set my house on fire. This is the month she died. I was only 18. So I had no family after that and then I met my husband who had “two adorable” girls. I think I wanted a family so bad that I just gave in over and over again. I let so many things go. For example, my OSD got married 10 min from where my mom was murdered. She has NO family there whatsoever. She just liked the chapel but I sucked it up and went. It was so hard on me to do that. I haven’t been a perfect step mom but I promise you I have given it all. All I ever wanted was a family. I KNOW that sounds pathetic and I think my husband is standing by me but I also know he’s easily manipulated. I blame myself for anytime the kids wanted something, I would go buy it. And look, I’m not whining about that. A couple of years ago I took the two girls and my husband to a beautiful spa. We stayed 3 nights. It cost me thousands. I did it for one reason and one reason only. I wanted to reunite as a family. I don’t have any friends that are stepmoms who would do that. They have always known I have money and it’s been one thing or another. The sad thing is I just wanted to be loved even if it wasn’t real. I wanted to believe this was real. I sound like a fool typing this. Someone mentioned the text from my OSD and they are right. She is a compulsive liar and she’s the worst. I would never have talked to a parent that way. My husband and I both know Abby never intended for me to go. I know you have all seen the text I sent to my YSD. I wasn’t trying to be vindictive. I was pouring my heart out and maybe it didn’t come out the way it should have. My husband said it wasn’t right to tell her well I did this, this, and this. And what I said to him was maybe you are right, but everything I said was the truth. My plan is just to stay away from them and try to live my life. My husband can do what he wants. I don’t want them at my house and I can leave if I need to. I feel rage and hurt. I’m so damn angry at myself putting up with this BS from them. They are “mean girls” no doubt. Some might feel this is relief but I just feel heartbroken and I’m sad 18 years of my life have been wasted. Can someone just tell me how in the hell to deal with this? What about family events? Seeing grandkids? Please just help. I’m severely depressed and I know it. And yes, I’m seeing someone. And yes, I take medicine that is obviously not working. I’m absolutely the villain now and that’s just the way it is. I feel bad for my husband because he has that unconditional love for him but I don’t. Please just help me.