Very interesting.

Maybe that thing has happened. You know, that mystical day when Skid realizes everything you've done for them and becomes thankful and appreciative? Maybe?

She wants something. Either she wants something material from you and/or DH, or she wants to prove to someone she's not as horrible as that person thinks. Definitely watch your back.

My own SD28 has slowly but surely been doing a 180 regarding her attitude toward me. It's nice that she's being nice, but I'm still aloof.

I think she is up to something honestly. I wouldn't trust her one bit. Enjoy her being nice, but don't let your guard down.

She lost control and wants it back in my opinion.

Take care.

I agree with the above. Maybe your dh getting ill in the ER made her question what's going to happen when he dies, as in who gets what? Be cautious!!

Who knows how what cartwheels you could have her doing with "hints of an inheritance".

I agree with everyone else. She wants something. Be polite but cautious.

stay on guard! Ss19 does this too, nice smile and then the big hand goes into the cookie jar. lol

One word. Inheritance.

And I agree with "go with your gut". What does your gut say? You know her better than we do.

The thing is, it doesn't matter if she fools you, is she fooling your DH?

I know she is not fooling you.

But I seriously would play with her mind about the inheritance crap.

My SD32 was nice to me one birthday. Turned over a new leaf. Actuallly came to the lake with her hubby and brought me a present etc. I think her hubby talked her into that approach. Well, it was probably a year and a half later that her old self came back out and she wrote in one of vile spews how she had "paid" for a birthday present for me. I almost sent her a check to reimburse her for it. Really hurt my feelings but that was the old me. I wouldn't trust her again as far as I could throw her.

Narcissists need adoring feed. When they aren't getting it from you, they will turn on you and throw you back in the "discard" pile.

You can just enjoy it for the moment knowing it won't last and have a good chuckle when she loses it again. Your feeling won't be hurt anymore. Your hubby on the other hand will probably swallow it hook , line and sinker.

Look, if she has an agenda, let her have one. Enjoy the niceties that she is doing, but stay viligent. She will have to prove herself. You be gracious, as always, and make her prove to you that she's grown up!

Her narcissist charm is showing. They turn it on an off like a faucet. She possibly felt her strangle hold on daddy was slipping. Her niceness towards you is not about you. It is about snowing daddy, getting him to put her back up on a pedestal,and of course give her back her power. I'm sure your husband is just thrilled to be proved right, his daughter is a lovely, caring, kind and considerate youn woman. You imagined it all. The spider is spinning it's web, daddy is being sucked right back in and that is what she is after here.

I wouldn't give that twit a thing after the way she has treated you all these years. that's like rewarding her behavior.

This has all turned to sh#@. There is another post by she's driving me that will give you the updates.

I blew up at twit and DH is upset with me, is I think the title.

Poor SDM has had a horrible outcome from this. Hopefully she comes out wiser and stronger for the experience, but at the moment, she's doing it pretty tough.

You may want to support her on that blog.

I feel so sorry that it has come to this for you. Plan to treat yourself well after your daughter leaves. I would pout my feet up, with a good book and maybe a nice bubble bath. I am hoping that your dd will get your dh to wake up.

I sincerely hope everything goes better for you, and your DH finally realizes where his priorities should be. But please take your time. Someone mentioned making a written contract before DH is allowed back into your life. SD should not be allowed in your home unless she can refrain from her obnoxious behavoir and 'goulishly' asking what you are going to leave to her when you die.

SDM, just be aware dh will say all the right things to get back into the home. But talk is cheap. What is he actually prepared to DO for this marriage. Lets be honest, he went running straight to twit the woman who caused all this trouble, the woman who can't wait to see you deald.

I think what he has to say at this point is irrevelant. His daughter is almost 50 he has been happy for her to display this behaviour for 50 years, she is hardly going to change at this age, not after 50 years of conditioning. He's certainly not going to change. EVER. He will of course tell you what you want to hear. He will be Mr Contrite In front of your daughter. But what is he actually going to do. Remember this is a man who asked you to apologise to his daughter IN FRONT OF HER, because she was trying to get your possessions before you died and then indicated she'd just have to wait until you were dead. That was disgusting, that would be disgusting from a 12 year old. She's a grown woman and he not only defended that, he expected you to apologise. The biggest problem you have is that he saw and in his heart of hearts probably still sees nothing wrong with that.

You can be pretty sure that he will be looking out for and after number 1. Himself. He will tell you, and your daughter whatever he needs to to get back in to the home. He will tell his daughter whatever he needs to, to make her happy. So while he may sit and agree with you, behind your back he will be telling her to be careful, your touchy. He will still manage to make her believe she is more important than you, He has to do that because that is the whole dynamic of their relationship. Neither he or she will ever change, they are incapable of change.

Ultimately if you are to have a relationship with him that does not destroy you physically, mentally and emotionally, YOU are going to have to work out what YOU want.

Your husband has been doing it his way for years now. And this is how it has finished up. Now it is your time to look after you. Twit will never change, she cannot, it is unrealistic for you to even hope for that. Now is the time for you to stand up for yourself. Grab twits handbag and take back your husbands testicles. Ban twit from your life personally and professionally, keep her out of your face, life and home. Is DH willing to accept and understand that. What is he willing to do to keep you, to keep the marriage. It has to be more than flowery words. I'm sure he's sorry right now, but is it because he did he wrong thing, or because twits not looking after him the way you do, because he wants back into his own house. It needs to be because he's done the wrong thing. He needs to accept you cannot continue with her in your life, and he needs to tell her that she cannot come to your home anymore, because SHE has offended and insulted you too many times, and that he agrees with your decision he supports you in this. He needs to tell her that on speaker phone so you know exactly what is being said. When these men are like this with their daughters SDM, you can never really trust them to do the right thing by you, if you stay you have to look after you.

No doormat. No I don't think her husband will have some sort of epiphany, suddenly see the error of his ways, and put his wife above all others, especially his 50 year old married daughter.

I do think her husband like all men who emotionally cripple their daughters does it for himself. Because he likes to keep his daughter as a little girl who goes running to daddy with every little hiccup in her life. These men think it is a sign if love of adoration. That is why the hang onto their daughters, it makes them (the fathers) feel special, needed, wanted and loved. They cannot get this kind of adoration from the women they marry because, interestingly, they marry strong independent women who are not only capable of taking care of themselves, but can take care of them too. They are so exhausted by nurturing their adult kids, they seek out someone who can nurture them. That is why we are never first in their lives, always second to their daughters, never given the respect a wife deserves. Because we were not chosen primarily as a wife, but as a carer, cook and cleaner, and of course bedmate. We were chosen because we had the necessary intellect and compassion to do the job these men needed us to do. We were chosen because they saw we were soft, caring, understanding, compassionate and intelligent enough to run the house. We could fill an area of his life that his forever childlike daughter would never be able to fill. She would never be strong enough to take care of him. That being said, the kind of woman they marry, is never the type to play cutesy and dumb. Never going to run to him for a bandaid, she will jump in the car, drive to the shop. Buy the bandaids, and put it on herself. She cannot make him feel that without him she would never survive, that she cannot get through each day without him, she cannot make him feel needed in the way his adult baby daughter can. And these men crave that adoration, they need their egos continually stroked, and daughter does that for him in a way no normal woman ever could.

These men are actually proud that their adult daughters are still behaving like little girls. They think that makes them good fathers, and you will never change their thinking on that. Just as their daughters will never grow into emotionally stable well adjusted self sufficient adults, even if they live to be a 100. These woman are always going to need a man. Once daddy passes or is no longer in their lives these women will go through their entire lives playing dumb and needy to some other man to get him to take over from daddy.

So, no I don't think he will ever change. I think these men also enjoy wife and daughter fighting over them, they love it, it makes them feel great to know they are both fighting to get his attention, and they actively encourage this by playing one off against the other. They deliberately well perhaps if I were to be kind, subconsciously, keep this going they will never strive to make peace between wife and daughter because to do so would mean he was no longer the centre of attention, they were no longer fighting over him, and he loves them fighting over him. He thrives on it. But I do think SDM can change her life with him, if she can find the strength within her to do it. SHE needs to change. She needs to be very strong and clear now. I think it is a time for her to forget she is married to him and instead look at the man he is, and ask herself, knowing what she knows now, WOULD SHE MARRY HIM. She can then decide how she wants to spend the rest of her life.

She if she chooses for whatever reason to stay, needs to change the terms of the old marriage contract from the way he saw it to the way she wants it. If he cannot meet her expectations then he can spend his remaining years with his daughter. His choice. But my thinking is men like this are so all consumed with looking after themselves first last and foremost that faced with the reality that wife has come to a fork in the road, will choose the woman who looks after them, not the woman they need to look after. But if they stay together SDM will have to be forever vigilant. She will always have to demand the respect she deserves as his wife and she will have to always make sure she takes care of herself first. Because he will never be able to do that. He will always only ever worry about him first. These situations are never about choosing daughter over wife or vice versa, they are always about this kind of man looking to have his most pressing needs filled. SDM needs to see the narcissist in her husband, the first step to changing her life is to realise what she is married to. To understand that is who he is and he cannot change, then to see if she can find a way to have her needs fulfilled within that marriage.

I agree she probably wants something. I thought my SD changed at one time and I got burned. Be careful

Now sandy, seriously, you KNOW these men are not looking for love, their lives are, in their minds already overflowing with love. They have more love than they can handle. They are so narcissistic that they just KNOW in their minds, heart and to the depths of their very soul, that their daughters are in love with them. They know this because they know they are not only the best most perfect of fathers, but the best of men, who wouldn't adore them. They know everyone is jealous of them. The deep, meaningful and intense love they believe their daughters have for them is only superseded by their love for themselves. No one can love a narcissist as much as they love themselves. With all that love in their lives of course they are only looking for a mother substitute. That's why they choose women like us. I'd be willing to bet that those of us who married the narcissist were primed from birth to never feel special, to always take a back seat, we as kids knew our place alright and didn't question it. The only way to deal with this is to get some self esteem, confidence and self respect. To get rid of that beaten little girl inside of you, take a real hard look at the grown woman you have become, at the kind of person you are, and realise, you deserve much better than this, so, so much better. Once you realise your husband is a narcissist, you begin to know, it wasn't you. Yes, he made you believe all those years you were the problem and that served to keep us feeling as we always had, lacking in confidence and self esteem. We spent years and years questioning ourselves, when we should've been questioning them.

Now sandye just to confirm your replacement mother theory, listen to this. First sit down before you fall down, please place all hot drinks in a safe position where you cannot knock them over, keep the red wine away from the carpet, and keep clear of sharp objects.

DH had to do a project for the counsellor. This project involved writing a list of reasons he wanted to stay in the marriage and reasons for not wanting to stay.

His only two reasons for wanting to stay.

1. He likes the way I cook, the way I clean the house and the way his clothes are always washed and ironed ready for him to wear,,
2. He likes the way I take care of him, especially when he's not feeling well.

FRIGGIN HELL, this guys got his mother all right. Housekeeper and nurse. That is all he could write as reasons to stay. His reasons not to stay, here's another laugh. He likes to spin the remote control for the tv. When he starts I remove the remote.

1. He hates the way I control everything, like the remote control.

That's his reasons for staying or leaving the marriage. Nothing about me in there at all really, all about HIM, his needs. Our marriage is in the toilet and his daughter has pushed the flush button, and that's what he comes up with. I married a narcissist and thankfully God gave me the insight to see it, and finally the courage to change myself from that frightened, shy little girl, into a strong, independent woman who has developed enough self esteem to say, no more. I must say, I don't think my narcissist has any clue on how to handle the new and improved me, and I don't give a shit.

Yes, I've been down that road and it's always when they want something. I'm with others in here when I say "watch your back". If she's being nice, enjoy it at the time because you deserve to be treated well, but don't ever for a moment think that it's sincere. If it's genuine, it won't end, if it isn't then at least you are prepared and won't be hurt or disappointed. She has given you no reason to trust her, so don't.

Well sandye, we may have married the same man, so I guess it's only fitting that we both have it appears, become the same woman. I am so happy now. I cannot believe how lucky I am to have come through the fires of hell not with blisters and burns, but with self esteem and confidence. I am one very lucky woman that's for sure.