Good advice above and I agree. I think you are disengaging, that you are protecting yourself and possibly you are grieving. I think disengagement is definitely a good option in some situations, and with that decision comes initial loss. It will definitely help in the long run, but as you are processing your feelings, there are many feelings locked inside like anger, loss, sadness and yes being numb. I know with me, I have decided to disengage but then every now and then I feel this intense anger at my DH. I agreed to this disengagement as it seemed my only option yet he carries on with his kids happy go lucky like everything is fine and that triggers these feelings. So yes hopefully this will improve your relationship with your DH over time, but that doesn't take away from the mixture of feelings you are having.

It sounds like you are going through the stages of grief and yes you will come out the other end and be okay, but just allow yourself to have all the feelings that go with it. The last stage of grief is acceptance and when you get there, you will feel liberated and free. I am not there yet myself, but from what I have read on these forums, I know I have that to look forward to.

I think the best thing is to keep coming in here and processing your feelings as there are wonderful supportive people in here who genuinely know what you are going through.

What I am really looking forward to with disengagement is that instead of preoccupying my time worrying about this situation, I can look forward to spending time doing something I enjoy!

Big hugs xo

"I just went through a horrible xmas with SD and family". If I had to spend Christmas with the people in DHs family that were difficult, I would be depressed. Do you feel you could just stop spending time with SD if she influences you to have a horrible Christmas? I honestly thought I could never get out of going to holidays with DH, but I did. After making this change I have never been happier at Christmas than this year (in my married life).

You sound like you may be depressed. Have you talked to your Dr?

Another thing to consider is hormones. I know for me when the drama with DHs family died down I felt much more lethargic in my life period. The DH family drama was masking my lethargy. For me, I don't think it's depression. I'm in the peri-menopause period. The hormonal changes during Perimenopause and menopause can cause lethargy big time. I know other people my same age who are going through this too. I was very passionate about everything when I was younger, now I'm starting to feel like everything is just kind of level. Few ups and downs.

I do think life is too short to spend with your DHs family if they tend to ruin Christmas.

I hope you can start enjoying your life again! Hugs!

Read this, i hope it helps. Sorry you had such a dreadful Xmas.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/behind-great-anger-is-great-pain-dont-take-it...

It is always darkest before dawn.
Let this numbness be your new low and your trajectory right now has nowhere to go but up.

May be you need to protect yourself better from those interactions
or - preferably - to get your husband to protect you. Have him read this piece.
My DH thought it was right on the money.
I found it for him today when he suddenly said something very similar about not giving his power away.

I can remember going through the very same numbness just before I told DH that SD was no longer allowed in our home. I agree - the numbness is a part of grieving, but the next step is action. It's like giving your mid a bit of a rest before you raise hell. After our Christmas fiasco two years ago I decided to go to a therapist myself. I discovered that I was not as powerless as I thought.

There is absolutely no reason why you have to celebrate Christmas with SD, absolutely none. You have a year to look into other options such as taking a vacation or serving Christmas dinner to the poor. This might mean Christmas away form DH but it might be worth it.

The numbness you describe is when you hit bottom. The only way now is up. You will start disengaging from the nonsense, the SK, and ignorning what they do.

When I hit bottom after last Christmas, I broke out with a rash, was on antidepressants, and had a great crying jag, which took a lot of the tension out of me. Crying can be such a relief for pent up tension but is hard to do because I feel so out of control when I have a good cry that it can scare me, but I do feel so relieved afterwards.