Sueu2 hit a nerve with me, stating a true statement that I have been dealing with. Most of my fall-backs with disengaging from my SD56 (7 year disengagement) has been, because my imagination gets out of control. If DH's cell phone rings or buzzes with a text; I have all of these imaginary thoughts; then I stop myself and say "why do I care, really? It will pass." It passes and I don't even know why I worried about it; I used to even lose sleep over what they talked about, due to the fact I was excluded (before my disengagement).
My SD thrives on drama; so I was actually playing right into her hand. SD would make "private joke" statements, leaving me to wonder why she was making the statement to DH. I "jumped the gun" with my thoughts and interpretations; sometimes it rears it's ugly head again. It is a natural defense in my situation. I have tried very hard to let it play out and actually see what happens. It is a very difficult thing to do. It was a game with SD and she had DH playing it too, until I ignored both of them and now that I am disengaged, I don't deal with it.
I know in my mind that DH loves me and trusts me; that's all I need. With that said, I have to stop myself and tell myself, "give it a break, take a deep breath, don't jump to conclusions". I would like to get rid of this feeling, but I'm hoping if I continue to work at it, the issues will become easier.
I relate to your worry, but discipline is the answer, as sueu2 stated. With discipline comes much less conflict with my DH.
Sammigirl and Sueu2, you both are so on the money.
DH is so secretive (he says it is none of my business, which has not gone over well in counseling) about what is going on with his kids that my imagination does run wild. The problem is that they are and have been actively trying to break us up. There have been times where what I imagined fell so far short (because I just cannot imagine stuff this sick) that it was really alarming.
They are banned from the house whether I am here or not.
To say I am disengaged is an understatement. But disengaged and afraid of what is going on behind my back are two different things and I'm struggling to develop strategies and define boundaries that we could both live with.
It should not all be this hard. Or this dramatic.
Stepdrama11; I relate to your post totally. With that said, I know every situation is different.
I work very hard to live in the moment. That seems to help me more than anything. I had to let the past go and work with what I have been dealt. I don't worry about the future, because it will drive me crazy. I am thankful DH and I are doing better and I live like when we first met, when SD56 wasn't in the picture (before I met the witch).
It doesn't come together quickly, and you are correct; they only thing my SD56 wants is for DH and I to divorce; she even told me such. SD doesn't want to take care of DH (he's disabled); she doesn't even call or see him often, but she doesn't want us to be happy either. Therefore, it made me even more determined to work at this. SD will NOT take away what we have had together for 36 years and she is a miserable person. SD even hates me more, now that we are doing much better, this past year.
Hang in there. If you two love each other, it will work. That's what is helping us thru it all.
Need to add, this sounds like
Need to add, this sounds like she is more important and I feel really down now
Wait did he mean she was up
Wait did he mean she was up in the area first, or in his life first?
Not sure. Both?
Not sure. Both?
Sueu2 hit a nerve with me,
Sueu2 hit a nerve with me, stating a true statement that I have been dealing with. Most of my fall-backs with disengaging from my SD56 (7 year disengagement) has been, because my imagination gets out of control. If DH's cell phone rings or buzzes with a text; I have all of these imaginary thoughts; then I stop myself and say "why do I care, really? It will pass." It passes and I don't even know why I worried about it; I used to even lose sleep over what they talked about, due to the fact I was excluded (before my disengagement).
My SD thrives on drama; so I was actually playing right into her hand. SD would make "private joke" statements, leaving me to wonder why she was making the statement to DH. I "jumped the gun" with my thoughts and interpretations; sometimes it rears it's ugly head again. It is a natural defense in my situation. I have tried very hard to let it play out and actually see what happens. It is a very difficult thing to do. It was a game with SD and she had DH playing it too, until I ignored both of them and now that I am disengaged, I don't deal with it.
I know in my mind that DH loves me and trusts me; that's all I need. With that said, I have to stop myself and tell myself, "give it a break, take a deep breath, don't jump to conclusions". I would like to get rid of this feeling, but I'm hoping if I continue to work at it, the issues will become easier.
I relate to your worry, but discipline is the answer, as sueu2 stated. With discipline comes much less conflict with my DH.
Sammigirl and Sueu2, you both
Sammigirl and Sueu2, you both are so on the money.
DH is so secretive (he says it is none of my business, which has not gone over well in counseling) about what is going on with his kids that my imagination does run wild. The problem is that they are and have been actively trying to break us up. There have been times where what I imagined fell so far short (because I just cannot imagine stuff this sick) that it was really alarming.
They are banned from the house whether I am here or not.
To say I am disengaged is an understatement. But disengaged and afraid of what is going on behind my back are two different things and I'm struggling to develop strategies and define boundaries that we could both live with.
It should not all be this hard. Or this dramatic.
Stepdrama11; I relate to your
Stepdrama11; I relate to your post totally. With that said, I know every situation is different.
I work very hard to live in the moment. That seems to help me more than anything. I had to let the past go and work with what I have been dealt. I don't worry about the future, because it will drive me crazy. I am thankful DH and I are doing better and I live like when we first met, when SD56 wasn't in the picture (before I met the witch).
It doesn't come together quickly, and you are correct; they only thing my SD56 wants is for DH and I to divorce; she even told me such. SD doesn't want to take care of DH (he's disabled); she doesn't even call or see him often, but she doesn't want us to be happy either. Therefore, it made me even more determined to work at this. SD will NOT take away what we have had together for 36 years and she is a miserable person. SD even hates me more, now that we are doing much better, this past year.
Hang in there. If you two love each other, it will work. That's what is helping us thru it all.