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Master trickster

Ready for Freedom's picture

I have a great job where I am allowed to work from home 2 or 3 days a week and the other days I go to the company offices. So, I get to see what goes on in the house during the day while I am here and the DH isn't. Every day my SS23 sleeps in until 30 minutes before DH gets home - he sets his alarm clock - I can hear it go off. Then he gets up and putters a round a bit then 10 minutes before DH arrives the SS will start doing dishes or will start setting up the vacuum cleaner so he can vacuum. He prolongs the whole process waiting for DH to arrive so DH can catch him in the act of actually doing something productive! Everyday like clockwork this happens. I can set my watch by it!

Even today, the SS knew the DH was taking a few hours off work and coming home early to pick up the trailer so he could go buy some gravel. The SS knew he was going to be here around 1:30 because he heard DH and I talking about it and sure enough.....Bzzzz Bzzzz Bzzzz I just heard the alarm clock go of at 1PM and now the SS is standing at the kitchen sink doing dishes. LOL

I guess I should at least be grateful that he is at least taking 30 minutes out of his exhaustively tiring day of unemployment to clean a few plates. It just cracks me up!!

tabby yabba do's picture

I have a great job
+
I guess I should at least be grateful that he is at least taking 30 minutes out of his exhaustively tiring day of unemployment to clean a few plates.

Bio or step, those two statements together = Get the hell out of my house now. No adults living in my house get to work less hard than me. Silly rule I made a long time ago when my kids were about ... oh, 2 1/2 minutes old and still covered in goo.

Smile Good for you in seeing the humor in it.

Bad on DH for allowing another non-productive human loose in the world's population.

Ready for Freedom's picture

Getting the SS23 to get a job is a work in progress. I'm just hanging on by tooth and nail until the situation improves or I can stand it no longer. :sick:

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

So sonny is putting on a show for Daddy - what a guy! Why doesn't he have a job? Does he pay rent?

IMHO, time for sonny to leave the nest. He's a grown-up, time to go out and act like one.

Orange County Ca's picture

So he's doing his fair share just making sure Daddy knows it. Whatta guy.

Is he paying rent? He should be. Tell Daddy to collect rent and put it aside for when he gets married but don't tell the kid that. Likely as not the kid will find that if he has to pay he might as well pay a real landlord and not have you two hanging around.

Accordn2L's picture

Have you told DH that his son does this? Maybe you need to nanny cam the SS and show DH how "helpful" SS is all day

Ready for Freedom's picture

I thought about doing that but I know if I do that and show the footage to DH, he will just think I was being catty and underhanded by videotaping the house happenings. I think it would backfire on me because the DH would focus on my doing such a thing rather than focusing on facts contained in the video.

toywas's picture

I understand where you're coming from BUT WHAT YOU COULD DO is make a "family" video for 2014 Family Events. Videotape (and make sure the date and time is on!) of SS waking up, the alarm clock going off, and then his routine, and videotape other events of the day/week. Then after you have several events, you, DH, and SS watch it TOGETHER over popcorn of course. Then let you sit back and watch the live movie!

This is definitely something I would do. I'm threatening to put cameras throughout the house (disguised of course) because someone tried breaking in our house last month (didn't succeed though!) and some things are just ending up missing. I keep blaming it on our ghost but I still have to wonder ...

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

OP, I think it would depend on how you did it. If you are doing a lot and really need the help and this is what is going on, you might say that you were very, very disappointed with the way things are going on and you just wanted to let your hubby know the situation. Hopefully you have a few days, and best if they are consequeitive to make your point. Don't yell, don't scream, don't say anything but ask your DH to watch the tapes.

Ready for Freedom's picture

No, the SS23 is not paying rent. Nor SD19. I've written a couple posts about that situation. It is a work in progress. The SS23 has some serious issues. I'm trying to get DH to see the terrible situation with his enabled kids but it has been a slow process. Luckily, I now have DH's SIL as an ally and I am hoping things will start improving. I am keeping my fingers crossed but as others have pointed out here on this site, I am preparing myself to leave and live elsewhere if I have to.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Pathetic !

Why isn't he gainfully employeed ? What is that excuse ??? He'd be paying if he lived w me !

I think it's time to show Daddy a movie called ~" my Dad thinks I am productive~Starring my pathetic 23 year old son !!!
Get a nanny cam ~ I wonder how proud daddy would be of the 30 minutes prior to curtain time.

Ready for Freedom's picture

LOL I love the title of that movie! Like I said, I think it would backfire on me but...hmmmm...maybe I should do this. It would capture a few other things too that I would like DH to see. I might have to do a little research on these nanny cams after all.

Ready for Freedom's picture

The SS23 isn't employed because he is a loser and the DH hasn't put his foot down. After reading some of these posts and doing some research on my own I am pretty sure SS has Borderline Personality Disorder. There are a lot of things wrong with this SS. I am trying to get DH to see the monumental scope and harm that enabling his SS has done to the SS to DH and to me. It's been a long hard road.

K.C.'s picture

So basically he slept until 1:30 in the afternoon? What does he do all night where he needs to sleep all day? When SS24 lived with us, then 17 and then turned 18 he worked but the job didn't last and neither did he when it came to finding another job. This turned into staying up all night on his computer (his father bought him one to keep him off of ours) and then he'd sleep most of the day away. I couldn't stand it! DH and I work our butts off and I got sick and tired of giving this young adult 3 hots and a cot. We kicked him out. Now he is 24 and in prison. I totally get that the economy is tough now adays for work but there are some jobs out there. And if he has some type of mental issue going on, maybe he should be evaluated and that way you can figure out what's next.

Amber Miller's picture

This is a little off topic but I thought some of you might get a kick out of this or at least be able to relate. School ends today. Last summer I made the mistake of allowing my boys (16,15 and 11) to stay up late and play Xbox, use iPods, whatever. What a bad decision on my part. They would sleep until 1-2pm in the afternoon. While I liked the peace and quiet in the morning, these kids of mine were totally out of control, fighting, yelling, talking loud and blasting the TV all the way until 2-3 in the morning. I take full responsibility for this huge mistake I made. Granted they aren't old enough to work and pay rent, I set a bad example by being a lazy parent.

Well boys, mom learned her lesson. I can't wait to see the look on their precious little faces when I turn off the wi-fi at midnight and then I wake their lazy asses up by 10 in the morning. I'm not going to tell them or warn them; mom wants to plan a little surprise for her sweet little angelic snowflakes (sarcasm). The wi-fi router is in my room so I will just turn it off and play dumb. They wouldn't dare come into my room in the middle of the night to check the router. I'm all for sleeping in during the summer but what I allowed last year was unacceptable and ridiculous.

K.C.'s picture

Breast idea with turning off the Wi-Fi! Growing up my father would throw a glass of cold water in my face if I slept too late on the weekends. Now I sleep in all I can lol!

Amber Miller's picture

K.C.--That is so funny (the glass of water) }:) My middle son did that to my youngest son one day and he got so mad. I didn't know what was going on at the time but I could hear screaming all the way downstairs where I was. The youngest is like me and so hard to get up! I will remember the glass of water idea and use that as needed. Thanks for sharing.

ybarra357's picture

Wow OP, could it be we have the same SS??

My SS pulled shit like this when he lived at my house. Slept all day, smoked cigs and weed, ate the food that I bought and refused to work or go to school. You know it’s funny that the cretin had enough money to buy cigs and weed, yet he contributed NOTHING to the household - but that seemed to be OK with DH. After a few years of this I told my DH that I would NOT facilitate this slug’s lifestyle anymore, that NO EFFIN’ WAY I’m going to turn over my heard earned money for that shit! Finally after getting caught smoking out in the house, he got the boot! It’s been glorious ever since!!

K.C.'s picture

Yep! That is how it was at our house. He had enough money to buy weed, smokes and he would go to another town to buy liquor that was sold to him under age. Yet he couldn't contribute towards all the food he ate. The only thing he did on his own was his laundry. Yep, we kicked him out and he's now in prison and I like my life again (finally) BUT they might always want to come back and that is what freaks me out!

misSTEP's picture

Enabling should be considered child (or adult!) abuse. He isn't doing ANYONE any favors and it can get expensive. Ask my FIL who keeps bailing his pwecious snowfwake out of jail. Three times in the last year so far and a DWI pending.

Ready for Freedom's picture

The jail thing or suicide....that is why DH keeps turning a blind eye to everything the SS does or does not do. DH is paranoid (and rightfully so based on SS23's past suicide threats) that SS23 will kill himself or have no place to go and turn into a criminal and go to jail. I say the SS has to figure it out on his own but DH is unwilling to accept those risks thus nothing ever changes. The status quo just keeps being status quo. My DH is simply stuck in his thinking and he just can't seem to break through it and see the light of day.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Sorry to be so brut ~ with this comment but here it goes.

I have friends who have lost children due to suicide and what I hear from them is .... I should have done something. If only I knew something was wrong.

Your DH has two of those gifts sitting for front for him. Just allow him to exist with the wonder of if I rock the boat will he eventually succeed~ get the kid some damn help. Maybe acknowledging he has issues n doing something actively ~ is an answer for the both of you.

Ready for Freedom's picture

We have placed the kid in 2 week long treatment facilities three times. He has seen counselors and been put on medications and he always stops taking the meds after a month or so and he stops seeing the counselors. It's been a repetitive roller coaster ride. The SS manipulative behavior is exhausting. He uses suicide threats as a way to control DH and it works. I'm just saying it is time we get off the roller coaster and quit walking on eggshells.

Amber Miller's picture

This is what my SD does. Its exhausting. she tried to kill herself after DH took away the brand new car that he gave her 3 years prior. She trashed it and he still owed thousands on it. She was supposed to be going to school (she was 24 at the time, now she is 30) and instead she was lying and was working as a stripper on a pole making more than anyone in the family while my DH supported her to the tune of $1000 a month (we were not married at the time and living separately) I think I wrote in detail about it in another posts forgive me if I am repeating myself.
My SD held the family hostage with the knowledge that she knew she could play the suicide card at anytime (and she did) thus everyone walked on eggshells around her and would do whatever she wanted. I know I sound mean but there is a difference between feeling really down and hopeless and using threats of suicide to manipulate scared parents. My DH eventually learned to deal with her and what happened; it was horrible but now he has learned to still live his life with the knowledge that his daughter is very mentally ill (psychotic schizophrenic). She however is still very intelligent and knows how to manipulate. She has since removed herself from our life. Its sad but I wonder if my DH might feel relieved. He says he doesn't miss her or her mother as they are extremely enmeshed and very narcissistic. Very sad. I hope your family can find some relief. I know what you are all going through and it is painful for all of the family that is involved, even stepparents. I mean, no one would wish mental illness on anyone or anyones family.

Ready for Freedom's picture

Thanks Amber. Sounds like you know exactly what I mean by the roller coaster ride. And yes, there is a difference between "feeling really down and hopeless and using threats of suicide to manipulate scared parents." I think the latter applies to the SS23. But he still definitely has other issues. I wish there was one magic pill he could take that would make it all go away. I'd be willing to cut off my right leg for that pill!

Amber Miller's picture

Of course Ready for Freedom. Smile Im happy to share as it helps when you don't feel alone and you know that someone else has been through and understands what you are talking about. That is what is so great about ST, inevitably there is always another member who can offer support and understanding as they have had or been thorough a similar experience. It would be great if there was a magic pill but the problem with people like your SS and my SD is that they won't take the pill. Frustrating.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Maybe he needs a controlled environment. Being in a house of eggshells is no way to live.

Sounds like a recipe for disaster ; I feel for ya.

anotherstep's picture

I am not sure how you resist going into his room and switching the "am" for "pm" every few days. Surprise!!!! Or just happen to be in the kitchen in the way preventing him from doing the dishes. And where the heck did I leave that vacuum.....gosh, SS - I can't remember! LOL

Ready for Freedom's picture

LMAO

Ready for Freedom's picture

Oh my goodness! Switching the AM to PM - that is hilarious! I would soooo do that but he uses his cell phone for alarm and it has a password you have to punch in to get access to the apps. But, damn! That is one funny, great idea! Smile

Ready for Freedom's picture

Ha! I have actually thought of it that way, too! I'm just thinning the gene pool, that's all. Smile If i thought he was serious about the suicide threats, I would take a different approach but I think he is just playing the poor me card. I see it for what's it worth but DH doesn't.

Hmmmm....maybe I'll go buy one of those refrigerator magnets of the evolve fish and put it smack in the middle of the fridge door! Smile

Ready for Freedom's picture

He would believe me, he just would be in denial about it. It would get washed under the rug or he would get defensive that I was "nagging" him again about his skids.

Orange County Ca's picture

The two scariest thing I did while raising my son was one summer he and a friend took the bus about 15 miles to the ocean beach to swim several times a week. I was scared to death he would drown.

Second was telling him one morning at about age 16 that if he left the house while grounded that he should leave the key behind as he was not coming back except to collect his clothing. He left the key and went to live with a friend then at the end of the semester back to his mothers.

Your step-son has found the ticket to a free life - threaten some dire consequence if he doesn't get his way. Unless there are some other mental problems evident those threats should be ignored or Daddy will have to support the kid until he dies which also means until you die.

My brother lived with my parents until they died out from under him and I've seen it happen in other families also. My brother, college educated and now age 65, is now driving a taxi and others I've seen are just lazing around the house living on their inheritances and welfare.

You see your future ahead of you as Daddy is not going to change his wait and see attitude. Your name hints at your next step.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

My Twit's alcoholic son does that, but when he gets up at about 3 in the afternoon, he just goes out and doesn't come back until some time in the morning. He pays no rent, does nothing around the house, not even let the dogs out, Mom and Dad are paying for his lawyer to get him out DUI and looking to buy him a car to replace the one he ran off the road in while drunk. But then she is crazy too, so why expect any better out of him.