You are here

Why does "Daddy" only want to do cookouts, when SS8 is here?

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture


Stupid question, I know but why? I mean, come on man. Why is it a cookout "party" only when SS8 is gracing us? What about BS1 or, *gasp*, me?!


" Do you want to have hamburgers tonight? If so, take the patties out of the freezer."

Me: " A cookout??? OK. That is almost ALL of the meat left here, but OK."

I'm serious. We are hurting because of his major pay cuts and barely can buy food after C/S, taxes and all of that jazz are taken out and this idiot wants to cook it all up in one night, JUST because SS8 will be here? This man hardly EVER cooks for BS1 or me.

What would you guys do? I'm really pissed off about the meat situation. I'm SORRY that HIS kid is so picky BUT if HIS kid wants to be here, should he not just eat along as normal? I PROMISE you too that HIS son will NOT eat his food either and in the rubbish it shall go. grr*

PeanutandSons's picture

If that meat has to get you and your son through the week, them you need to speak up.

No Dh, that hamburger has to get us through till payday. If we eat it all tonight as a cookout them we have nothing for the next XX number of days.

Don't say ok, if its not ok with you.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

I know?! THIS meat would make another 2-3 meals with the way I can combine, this and that.

It was OK thougfh for me and BS1 to eat freaking BEANS and Rice when he was unemployed though. There are other things for his son to eat here, fish sticks, spaghetti O's, PB and J *gasp*


Unfreakingreal's picture

Wow...Yesterday I told my DH that I wanted to host a Fall BBQ. When I told him the date I had in mind, he looked at a calendar and said SD12 won't be here. I looked at him and said "Oh really? I didn't notice." So basically, he's telling me in a not so direct way that he'd like his kid to be there that day. So I have to plan our get togethers around his weekends with his kid? Like really??
As far as the OP...Why do you need to cook ALL the meat? Why don't you just pull out what you would have normally cooked for dinner for the 4 of you and do it on the grill?
You can also mix it up, make some mac and cheese and a tossed salad that way the meat goes a long way with the sides.

PeanutandSons's picture

I think her point was that there was only enough meat left for a few burgers, but when mixed into other meals it will go much farther.

Burgers have the meat at the majority of the meal, whereas she could use 1/3 of that meat mixed into sauce and poured over pasta.... And get three meals out of it. The amount of meat needed to feed two adults, a preteen and a toddler for a NBA burger dinner is a lot more than other meals where the meat is just used for extra flavor, and not the main dish.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

^^^^ You must know EXACTLY what I am going through here! ^^^^^^^^

Yes, the only meat left for now is added here and there, to make dinners. Sauces, casseroles, etc.

There are 3 patties left, there are FOUR persons here, DH?

So, me and BS1 will eat something else. I'm sure DH will say I am being "dramatic."

I should put that meat back in the freezer NOW before it is too late.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Put it back under a block of ice and say "Oops I must have used it and don't remember!" I tell you...I know what you're dealing with. It is SUPER annoying to say the least.

PeanutandSons's picture

Yep, I know exactly what you are going through.

My Dh thinks nothing of cost when he decides what to eat/have for dinner. I always have a per meal cost in the back of my head. Is thinks nothing of eating ten dollars worth of meat in one meal. First off, that's not healthy, and second our family can't afford that every meal.

He is also of the opinion that there NEEDS to be meat at every meal, and it needs to be the main dish. I have been vegetarian for over 15 years, so I obviously feel quite differently. So I ration what I buy to make it last as long as I can. If let up to my Dh, our meat budget would be 120 bucks a week.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

The meat thing is absurd with DH. He already ate a breakfast, had TWO hot dogs for lunch and NOW wants to come home and fire up his man grioll and eat almost all of the meat left?

As far as "meat", I too was a vegan for a long time and could for sure live without it, much less consume it 2, 3 times in one day.

I wonder why DH has gotten round lately with all of the meat and a desk job, at 45 years old too.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

The meat thing is absurd with DH. He already ate a breakfast, had TWO hot dogs for lunch and NOW wants to come home and fire up his man grill and eat almost all of the meat left?

As far as "meat", I too was a vegan for a long time and could for sure live without it, much less consume it 2, 3 times in one day.

I wonder why DH has gotten round lately with all of the meat and a desk job, at 45 years old too.

StickAFork's picture

I agree with this.
Also, patties are more expensive than just frozen beef.

OP, I don't remember, but do you work? If so, perhaps you can contribute to the cost of food?

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Yes, I work. I do buy the groceries, pay the mortgage and help DH with 'his' car payment. (pre-marital)

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

He better get a better job IF he wants HIS son here now with all of the C/S etc. already taken out,. I'm tired of suffering for them. BS1 and myself could do so much better. IF you could only see us in person and see DH and BM, you'd know why and ask me, "wtf" did you marry him? Because I was a very young, lonely widow. One that had started drinking wine to kill the pain of loss. I've been dry now for almost 2 years. When you sober up, you are like, wtf?

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Oh, but HIS son does not like hot dogs and has to have hamburgers and name brand chips because BM married sugarstepdaddy and he takes them out to eat, all the time so nothing I offer his son is ever good enough anymore. DH does not want to see this though.

ThatGirl's picture

He doesn't want his son (and BM and her new husband, by extension) to know he's struggling. He'd rather let all of you go hungry than let go of his pride.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Sadly, you are right on the money. Pride is one of the 'deadly' sins, they say. }:)

kelaine's picture

If you need to be extra-sneaky and your DH really doesn't cook, then save your empty vegetable bags (the ones you can't see through), put your meat packages in them, tie them closed, and hide your meats with your vegetables. All DH will see is a nearly empty meat larder when he opens the freezer.

Anything I learned from having kids, if you want to hide something, hide it in a place that they'll never go. I'd buy a package of oreos and would take a few, put them in a sandwich bag and hide them in the coffee container. Then the kids would inhale the rest.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Thank you SO much for the great tips and advice. I'm pacing around and fuming. Inside of my head I am actually thinking to myself; "Is this how it is going to be now that HIS son has decided to grace upon our home, once again?" I can't live like this. I am miserable. I should not be having to go through crap with these two morons, DH AND BM, for years and years. What about BS1 and myself here?

amber3902's picture

Butterfly - I'm sure you have your reasons for staying, but you don't deserve this constant stress.

You pay the mortgage, the bills, you paid to have the house cleaned up after the BM left the house, etc. etc.

What does DH do for you?
What do you get out of this relationship? I'm not trying to be snarky, just honestly hon, I just feel like you are being used. I was in a marriage where I did the lion's share of everything. I worked full time, I paid most of the bills, did all the parenting and housework. All my ex did was work, he didn't help out with the kids or the house, heck, I even did the yard work. I finally realized, what did I need him (husband) for?

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

That is exactly what thoughts I am constantly struggling with now, on a daily basis.

I honestly think it had to do with having BS1. You kind of get that "stuck" feeling but now that he is getting older, I'm thinking twice you know.

Honest Abe.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Oh dear lord. 18 years? I've got 5 of a SM under my belt and now over 20 something years as a mom.

I hear you.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

I JUST sent this email to high horse, disney daddy;

"Please. Don't get pissed BUT we barely make it with the food situation, as it is. There is wads of chicken in the freezer, tuna, etc. I had planned on using the meat to make sauces, casseroles. I'm NOT being greedy here but please, please think of our financial situation when considering this home.

I'm really tired of feeling so on guard here with your ex-wife literally banging on the doors, ringing the doorbell to get in here with me alone and feeling like a wild animal on guard with our food for us and BS1.

Listen, I have two kids also. One has a baby of his own on the way and I can't give my kids anything really to help them out because of the other things that cost and are taken out of pay, etc.

I love you so, so much but please remember your family here and the fact that BS1 and I have had to eat beans and rice if lucky at times. Why all of the meat consumption every day? Meat should only be consumed once daily for major health reasons. There are alternatives to eating meats like salads, pastas, veggie dinners, etc.


Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Was there anything wrong with my email? I thought that it was nice and polite, actually?


i.e; Keep your f-d up ex away from my home, get a better damn job and quit giving our food away to your spawn...please.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

I totally agree. I'm to the point of knowing "who is going to come first" down the 'road.' This will tell a lot, don't you think? IF this is the case, hell, I'll be a BM }:) }:) }:) with a sugarstepdad too and getting my cut of C/S, for ONCE in MY life. I have a little precious baby boy here who NEEDS ME.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Uh-oh ladies, gotta cut a rug., The disneypops is 5 mins. away. Oh, dear God give me patience not to just kick them all out tonight.

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

Did anyone suggest getting burgers from a fast food place and just cooking the sides?
And is grilling burgers for two people really a "cook out party"? I am grilling burgers tonight for no specific reason and it is far from a party.

smartone's picture

I learned a hard lesson when I felt sorry for my bf and paid for our dates and stuff when I was struggling myself as a single mom with no cs. Then he took his kids out shopping for fireworks for the 4th and that was IT. Boy, was I stupid. Here I am paying for everything and he literally blows up his money for his kids. No more.

Regarding the meat, my bf is the same way. He has insinuated it's neglectful not to have meat with every meal. He would prefer feeding his kids hotdogs just to get meat in them! But at the same time, when I fix something like steak and veggies (we are pretty much paleo here) he says it needs potatoes, or bread...filler. There are days that we do all veggies to give our bodies a break. My bf does not live with us, but when he was here all the time and expecting to get fed, it was very stressful for me. Not to mention, it cost me money because he eats more than myself and two kids combined.

You are too nice, op. The key is to stand your ground without being bitchy, but if you wait too long to address it, you will probably be so heated it will come out wrong. If you are doing the shopping, why not skip buying the meat? At least for a couple of nights each week...