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At what point do I get a restraining order?

PolyMom's picture

DH passed away almost 2 months ago. SS11 still attends school with DD, but now lives out of district with BM. SS told DD he needed to come here after school today because BM wouldn't be able to pick him up for hours. DD came home distraught, because she understands while I'm not angry with SS11, SS14 is off his rocker, as is BM and their SF. I have to wash my hands of all of them, simply because they would easily use SS11 as a vessle to get to me. This is after 6 years of abusive behaviors, that I have plenty recorded.

I called the school principal, so my 11 year old didn't have to take this on herself. I explained that SS does not have permission to come here after school.

About an hour later, my two garbage cans fell over loudly, and I heard a car squealing up the street.

This is the second time I've suspected them. The first time, the day of DH's funeral, I came home and an empty bottle of vodka that went missing from my house (I know because the markings I made on it were there) was in my front yard.

I'm putting cameras on the house today.
I woke up when in a dream state I heard a woman's voice say "Poly, please be careful."

Am I going nuts?

Acratopotes's picture

No hon you are not going nuts, you are being terrorized....

I would simply get a RO against these people, I do not know if you need any grounds for it, installing camera's might help for evidence.

Simply ask the school why is SS still there if his residential is in a different district, make it clear to the principal that neither SS is residing with you anymore and placed in care of BM, you have nothing to do with them anymore.

Change the locks on your house and make sure DD and other bio's feel safe, they should not be terrorized by these pigs.
Also in school.... bring it under the attention of all adults in school and say SS is bullying DD...

Now that woman voice you heard, probably me cause I saw you trying to fit the camera's yourself, get professionals to do it Hon, and hide it, the pond scum should not know about it.

I would also call BM and tell her - SS is your responsibility, not mine anymore, he will never come to my house again thus you better make sure he's picked up from school.

Hang in there Poly it will all blow over, but do get a RO against the pond scum clan

PolyMom's picture

I've actually taken great pains to make sure I don't know their home address. So I can work through the process of cutting all ties. I know about where they live, but I don't want to know more than that.

nengooseus's picture

You don't have to. If you report to the district that a child is attending that you understand they live someplace out of the district, the district will investigate and take action.

I say this from experience... A neighbor of mine was sending her child to a school in another district, saying that she was renting a room in the house of someone else. I called--anonymously--and the district kicked her out within days! And they tried to charge her tuition (which was later dropped) for the time the child attended.

PolyMom's picture

As far as I know it's a decision left to the superintendent of the district here. And it's also one of those things that's out of my hands. He doesn't live across the street, he lives in the heart of another school district. I know his grades and attendance have always been poor, so I don't expect that to improve either.

All I am going to do is what I did today, which is inform the school of any issues that arise, and express my concerns to prevent any bullying from occurring. It's on the school to protect my daughter from that.

PolyMom's picture

There are actually already cameras on the house, but they've been turned off for a while. Considering they got away with the first time, and now the second time, if I simply turn them back on, they'd be completely oblivious.

The school is well aware SS lives out of district, but I think are allowing him to finish out the school year under the difficult circumstances.

I called the school counselor to ask him to intervene and do some damage control. My answer to all of this is: I have a tremendous amount of anxiety revolving around this family, and it's best if I'm not around any of them right now. I'm not upset or angry with SS. The counselor is going to intervene and get back to me to make sure everything is fine. I told him about the garbage cans.

Acratopotes's picture

ah , simply turn it back on and record those little muckers...... eventually you will have enough to get RO's against the scum clan.

but hang in there Poly, pretend they do not bother you one bit.. come and scream and shout and vent her..
you can pretend I'm BM and tell me to get the hell out of your life, I will not even report you

nengooseus's picture

And clearly, so does your daughter, who is being forced to attend school with this creep's son. If they're not willing to kick him out, they need to get some kind of plan in place to keep him away from her.

PolyMom's picture

What makes this tricky is that they have always gotten along really well. The consider themselves siblings. My DS8 cries because he wants to see them, and XH tried to facilitate meetings through him, but after dealing with BM a short while said "It's just impossible to work with her."

So this really sucks for the kids. I do feel bad. But this is just the bottom line. BM is bat shit, and no one wants to deal with her. My step kids lost friends for years over this, because all she does is go around bad-mouthing, and to my understanding, the other parents are like "Ew. Toxic situation around those parents. My child can have playdates elsewhere."

My kids have never had this issue, because XH and I get along fine.

hereiam's picture

You have absolutely no responsibility to these people. Remember that and do what you need to do to take care of you and yours.

sunshinex's picture

I would talk to BM myself and tell her that no, her kids have no reason to come to my house, the days of having another woman take care of her kids are OVER. She must be missing the free childcare/break from her own kids. I would also tell the school officials and make sure they're aware that SS is NOT to come on the bus to your house and have them talk to BM. I would setup cameras, absolutely, and let the police know you're taking steps to rectify the situation but you'd like them to be aware of what's going on just in case. If everything above doesn't stop them, I would go ahead and get a restraining order.

PolyMom's picture

I will not speak to her under any circumstances. As far as I'm concerned she's responsible for DH's death. There is no end to the level of terror she creates, but constantly gets away with it. It's been like this for years.

But now, I'm the lonely widow, while she's living with a grown man, and has a 250 lb son. So guess who gets to play the victim card now?

She should just use her own words, the same words I've heard for years: "He shouldn't be with a non-parent anyway."

hereiam's picture

I agree, do not speak to her.

Trust that voice, Poly, you are not crazy, that is your intuition.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Wait...BM thought she could send her kid home to your house even though the kid's father is deceased? No, you are definitely not the one who is out of their mind. BM, on the other hand, seems unhinged. I would definitely put up the cameras. I don't know if you would be able to get a restraining order without proof, so video evidence would be good.

Also, does the district know that SS doesn't live within the boundaries?

ldvilen's picture

Take care, Poly, and be sure to get your locks changed. I feel very much for these children who have lost their father, but that is certainly no excuse to go after you.

You know. before I became a SM, I always wondered about these situations where dad would be on his death bed and his wife (SM) would not let his ex- and other kids see him. Of course, this is always made out like SM is an a$$ for doing this.

And, to be honest, I always leaned that way too. Of course, it is not a good idea to exclude after husband's death, IF you can help it. But, after coming here and with my own experiences, I can actually see where ex-, SKs, etc. would get so controlling, intrusive and vulgar, that it could come to just saying--keep the H- out the hospital. This is my husband, we've been married for years, and he doesn't need you trying to control or go after him at this 24th hour.

Anyway, again, take care!!

PolyMom's picture

The locks were easy. We have a combination lock on the front door, so it was just a matter of creating a new code. I bought a new garage door opener and reprogrammed that as well. Beyond that, the back door has a hook lock, and a floor bolt. The place is like a fortress. All of the windows in the house are also locked, and I've unhatched the security knobs so even if they were to slide open, it can't be more than a few inches.

And all of this just from common sense of being a single woman with 2 children.

Thumper's picture

Poly....YOU are not going nuts.

That little voice is there for a reason. Listen to it.

To answer your question: If you are in fear for yourself and your children. That is when you get a Protection Order. Now chances are good that you will get a temp one. A court date will be set and you will have to appear WITH facts to support a PO with an extension date.

Start making your notes so you can support your claims.

I am so sorry about all of this. It certainly is the very last thing you should have to deal with.
Remember you have a right to privacy AND the right to allow or disallow anyone in your home, or on your land or take calls, texts... except with a warrant. That does go for all persons.

Ask your local police which NO TRESSPASSING signs are legit and will require the police to take action. POST a few of them. The Red, Black and white ones from Kmart wont do the trick.

Oldmom's picture

Polly

this has all the earmarks of a set up. She hates you and wants you to hurt. What better way then to make an accusation of kidnapping. Kid comes to your house and she has you. kid will lie for his mother because he must.

The fact that she is crazy is not enough for an RO. She has to actually do something you can prove and verify. So put those camera's back on. Maybe add a few they don't know about Maybe a few motion sensors too. Protect yourself and your kids. Also notify your local police district you are having issues with her and ask if they can frequently drive by your property.

BethAnne's picture

Hey poly, I am sorry to hear that you are still having to deal with this shit. The others have given you some great advice already. I just wanted to add that if you get on with your neighbors it might be worthwhile talking to them to see if they have witnessed anything unusual around your house recently and to ask them to let you know if they see snything in the future. Also a letter from your lawyer to BM informing her that she and her family are not welcome on your property and that you do not give permission for any of the children to come to your house now or in the future. That might help to scare her off.