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futurestepmom95670's picture

I'm annoyed. 

FMIL has been watching FSD7 almost all summer while FDH is at work, and also while BM is at "work" (FSD7 says "Mommy sells medicine to people." That's another battle). FMIL likes to play the game where she takes on all these extra responsibilities, i.e. agreeing to help BM on BM's parenting time, planning trips for herself and FSD7, and then turns around and complains that my FDH is not doing enough for his daughter, and is not around enough. She loves reporting all the "good things she's doing" to all the family members, and throw FDH under the bus. 

Her latest thing was to agree to switch weekends moving forward with BM, without consulting anyone, because FDH "hasn't been involved in her life recently." She has completely overstepped her role. Every weekend until November is booked up for us on what I thought were non-skid weekends. Weddings, planned vacations, family events, etc. that are not kid friendly events, nor were they planned/paid for for kids. Not only that, but the weekends after Thanksgiving and Christmas were supposed to be skid-free this year, also. 

Just to clarify, FSD7 has been on summer vacation for 8 weeks now. She spent two weeks at camp, her two weeks designated each summer to BM. Then she spent the two weeks designated to FDH with FMIL in Arizona and away at a church camp thing, plus an extra week because the Arizona trip went long. In between those times, FSD7 has been sick and stayed at BM's for a few days. So in 8 weeks, FDH has probably seen his daughter 3-4 times, but this was not his fault, nor his desire. 

So now I'm wondering if FDH is going to put his foot down and say he already has plans, if our plans are going to be cancelled, or if he just won't see his daughter on any weekend until November. I guess we'll find out, but regardless it's annoying. FDH is also frustrated, but what he is going to do about it is up in the air.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I have to disagree with you about this not being your SO's fault. He allows his mother to run roughshod over him and usurp his role as parent. Further, he's allowed his mother so much control and seen so little of his daughter that he has put himself in a bad position should the BM take him to court for a custody increase.

I urge you to slow your relationship with this man waaay down, because there are a lot of red flags waving. I dated a few mama's boys in my youth, but ultimately lost all respect for them (and they didn't have children). You're up against a boundary stomping, backstabbing MIL, a preexisting dynamic that is dysfunctional, a spoilt child, and a SO who is a passive, poor parent. He's not even marriage material until/unless he can crawl out of his mama's womb, put her in her rightful place, man up and parent up on his own.

Areyou's picture

Why not let them do what they want and let go. I would love for MIL and BM to consume all of SDs time so that I won’t have to see her until November. Be careful for what you ask. You might get it. Alot SMs on here don’t have it as good as you.