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52 year old dad remarries - Dr. Phil

futurestepmom95670's picture

I saw a video on Facebook this morning from the Dr. Phil show (link below if you'd like to check it out, or just search "Dr Phil 24 year old fiance). I don't know how legitimate these guests and their stories are, but I found this one particularly interesting. 

The cliff note version is a 19 year old girl's 53 year old dad is marrying a 24 year old woman. The daughter calls this woman a gold digger, calls her stupid, says she's useless and using him to support her and her two children. Say what you want about their age gap, or their potential divorce odds, but my issue was with the daughter. 

All of this may be true, but after experiencing everything I have experienced with my F(maybe?)DH, I have a totally different perspective, which I found interesting. My first thought was, "well you're 19, move out if you don't like it." I saw instant red flags for mini wife syndrome, and I don't think any child has any place to dictate what a grown adult does with their home, time, life, and money. What is with these kids and thinking they run the show?

Curious Georgetta's picture

Old woman who has 2_children and no job particularly if it were apparent that she had no visible means of support other than my father.

Dad is a grown man and he has an absolute right to choose a gold digger ,but that does not mean that his daughter cannot recognize the gold digger for.what she is.

What the daughter should not do is fail to be civil and polite and recognize that as an adult her father is free to choose his partner, and he can willingly and knowingly sign on to be a meal ticket for the gold digger of his choice.

If dad is not mentally or medically capable of handling his affairs ,there might be a need to intervene, but otherwise the daughter has no real say.

Notup4it's picture

Yes, I see so many things differently now than I used to. When I hear a mom saying “dead beat dad who never sees his kids”, I actually wonder who is at fault.... I used to just take it at face value. 

I alao feel that adult skids need to just shut their mouths.... and I was/am an adult skid who now realizes how wrong I was to ever open mine, Lol.

STaround's picture

so what did Dr. Phil say?

fourbrats's picture

person in this whole thing is the daughter. The "stepmom" is a gold digger and an idiot. As well as a freeloader. She was a poor, jobless mother of two and now she is simply living off of her boyfriend (so essentially still poor and jobless). And she is obviously uneducated as well. 

The dad also only knew this woman for a few months before moving her children in. She knew nothing about him. It sounds like the daughter was still in high school when she moved in so yes, dad should have considered telling her her they were moving in instead of surprising her with a new mommy and younger siblings. 

still learning's picture

It's interesting how the SM is being immediately judged and verbally abused on a board that is generally pro-stepmom. A woman you don't know has just been labled a gold digger, idiot, freeloader, poor, jobless and uneducated.  What about the 52 yr old man, what is his role/responsibility in all of this? Where is the abuse and accusations directed at him?  All that was said about him was that he should have considered his daughter.  

It seems that even SM's will eat our own when it suits us, especially if they are younger, blonde and blessed by the breast fairy.  

marblefawn's picture

I don't think he should consider his daughter. What the hell? He's how old???

Let the daughter find her own happiness.

For every gold digger, there's a dirty old man who wants a nubile child bride under him in bed. They're perfect for each other! I don't see the problem.

marblefawn's picture

I also see this stuff differently than I used to.

Here's how I see it. In many countries, marriages are literally contracts. Love is not the driving matter behind them. One family makes overtures to another family to marry off their kids and it happens because there's something in it for all of them.

In this case, the guy has money. The woman has fake boobs and a presence the dad wants on his arm. Just because it might not be steeped in love doesn't make it an invalid contract. They are consenting adults who have something the other wants. What's wrong with that?

I surely get that the kids don't like the circumstances. But if the dad wasted all his money on escorts, the daughter still wouldn't inherit anything. The daughter should go make a career or her own marital contract to some wealthy guy if she needs money.

Does anyone really think Melania Trump fell in love with Donald's charm? Or that Anna Nicole Smith fell in love with that old millionaire? Of course not. But that doesn't mean that the men didn't get something in return when they married. It can't be easy to face those old coots every night and every morning.

Even when there's love, marriage is a contract. I dated plenty of men with lots of money who I wouldn't marry because I couldn't fulfull the contract with them. At the same time, all the love in the world wouldn't have made me marry someone who didn't have enough money to live a life I could tolerate long term. It wasn't love alone that made me marry my husband. It was knowing he was brilliant, adventurous, respected money the way I do, and together we'd have enough of it to have some fun.

ldvilen's picture

Oh, ye-ah!  If Trump, POTUS, can do it, why can't anyone?  Where is my headpiece?  Oops!, meant hairpiece. *wink*

still learning's picture

After watching a few more video segments and getting the rest of the story it seems that dad was married before and his then wife who was in her 30's was fighting a lot with sd who was 14. DD was not invited to that wedding and dad had regrets about not standing up to 30 yr old wife and having dd in the wedding.  This time around dad didn't even let his daughter know he was moving gf and her kids in, probably in his pea brain to avoid a fight with her.  dd found out about their engagement party on facebook likely  because he was too scared to tell her in person.  

On national television dd is berating the SM calling her stupid and several other names while dad just sits there and tears up. Sound familiar ladies? Dr. Phil and the audience are amused and laughing as the daughter is berating her fathers wife and no one, not even Dr. Phil asks her to knock it off.  

SM obviously entered this relationship as a deer in the headlights, assumably while her then fiance was telling her everything would be fine with his daughter and she was okay with it all. Meanwhile dad's doing whatever he wants with no regard to his teenage daughters feelings and not even letting her know what was going on.  "Surprise! My gf and her kids have moved in."  

This is simply another case of a guilty daddee not knowing how to parent or communicate with his daughter and dd then feeling replaced by the new woman in dads life.

IMHO dad should have waited a year or two until dd was out of the house and off to college before making that kind of move in his life.  At minimum he should have been honest about how serious his relationship was and that they were moving in together.   

ldvilen's picture

Yep!  Sounds just like my experiences at SD's wedding: "Dr. Phil and the audience are amused and laughing as the daughter is berating her father's wife and no one, not even Dr. Phil asks her to knock it off."  Nothing like being treated like a hose-bag in front of hundreds of people, while your husband stands around like he just peed his pants and is hoping to make a quick exit to save his a$$.  I hope Dr. Phil gets hate letters from every step-parent on this planet, Venus and Mars.  No "wink" here.  I think I'll start one now!

marblefawn's picture

I HATE "Dr." Phil. He's a jackass. And everything he does is to keep the money rolling in.

As you noted, he allowed the daughter to berate the SM in front of the world because he's really little more than a self-righteous Jerry Springer.

Frankly, Jerry Springer is more noble and probably smarter than "Dr." Phil. He's certainly more entertaining.

Forgive me...just my two cents!

Rags's picture

My amazing bride and I married 6mos after I graduated from engineering school.  She was 18 and I was 30.

She was suspect in the eyes of my younger brother who is 5yrs older than my bride. She had had her son when she was 16, was a single teen mom college student when we met and was from a background of poverty from a rural depressed community.  I was 4 years post divorce, he was concerned that my bride was a gold digger and .that I needed someone to have my back as I navigated the post divorce relationship world.

Now 24 years later, my brother is one of my bride's biggest fans.

futurestepmom95670's picture

I think we all can judge everyone so harshly, and we all have our own opinions regarding appropriate relationships, how women look and present themselves, and the lifestyles people choose to lead. But I think we can all agree that his daughter has no place dictating who should and should not be allowed to date/move in/marry her father, and her father is quite spineless for letting this behavior go on, and having this poor woman berated because she loves a man with a mini wife. 

I found this site by accident, and I remember feeling genuinely guilty and bad about myself because I disliked a 7 year old little girl, and did not want to be around her. This site really helped me to realize that my feelings are not abnormal, just misdirected, as my anger should be directed toward this child's father, who has bred resentment and poor boundaries with the people in his life. I hope this woman has a support system, and realizes she is not alone in the step-mom game.