Sex therapy
Has anyone ever tried sex therapy?
I really don't think my DH is going to go for it but I don't know what else to do.
I've had NUMEROUS conversations with him about how we aren't having enough sex and how I am not satisfied but nothing has changed.
Mind you, I don't talk about it all the time. The talks come when I am so FED UP of wanting sex and not getting any.
All my DH does is sleep. It's been a LOT worse since we got SD full time in August.
We never really had a LOT of sex (aside from when we first started dating but that's normal I think), but it has diminished big time.
I am lucky if I get it once a week.
Not only am I sexually frustrated, but we are supposed to be trying to get pregnant. I told DH.. I'm never going to get pregnant because we never have sex.
I don't know what else to do! I have tried everthing from dressing sexy to having honest conversations.. everything I can think of.
On New Years Eve, I thought we would do it but he was asleep by 10:30.
I am at my wits end here!
See I feel like there's gotta
See I feel like there's gotta be a reason he doesn't want to have sex.. He's only 31. but every time I ask him about it he says there is no problem, everything is great, blah blah blah..
Yeah it might be great for him but it's not great for me! I am sitting here frustrated every damn day waitig for him to "feel like it." Ugh!!
I try not to talk about it that much because I'm sure that is a turn-off, but sometimes I just get so angry and sick of waiting around that I have to bring it up and see what the problem is.. & of course, I never get my answer.
Thank you, Fearless! I would
Thank you, Fearless!
I would definitely be afraid to leave him because of the fact that things were great in the beginning so I know the beginning of relationships can be very deceiving. We had sex all the time in the beginning. Like every time we saw each other. Then it dwindled to 2-3 times a week, which I was good with; I thought it was perfect actually. Then when we got SD full time in August, it went down to MAYBE once a week. Sometimes it's every other week.
I'm just extremely frustrated. I am going to bring up the subject to him later and see what his response is.
I have not been able to get
I have not been able to get him to go to the doctor yet but I have tried. Maybe I'll just schedule him an appointment. This has been going on since August (well it's been dwindling for a while, but it got really bad in August when SD started being here every single f'ing day). & the vibe.. yeah.. lets just say I have more sex with myself than I do with my husband lol
“but in my opinion men lose
“but in my opinion men lose their sex drive when there is an issue at hand they are not resolving.”
Very true. When DH and I lived in the house after we got back from Iraq the stress of that house was so bad our sex life dropped to nearly nothing. Once we moved out and into an apartment the stress dropped 90% and our sex life went up 110%.
Wow. My DH actually has a
Wow. My DH actually has a history of prescription drug addiction so my worst fear is that he's gone back to that. He had a problem long before we were together and I didn't even know about it until about a year after we were together (he was ashamed).
Maybe I'll bring home a drug test and "make" him take it. I need to know the truth.
P.S. I would LOVE 2-3 times a week. That would be absolutely perfect.
This could have ALOT to do
This could have ALOT to do with it. If your DH is taking pills esp painkillers like percocet that could be a huge reason he's avoiding sex with you. Percocet gives you erectile dysfunction, I would definitely be looking into this
Yes. He came clean that he
Yes. He came clean that he used to take pills about a year after we were together, but he said at that time that he had been clean for years. I have brought it up in the past and he got really defensive, which I wasn't sure if it was a. because he's back on them, or b. he doesn't want his past brought up which is understandable. I wish there was a way I could find out for sure.
Has your husband gone to the
Has your husband gone to the doctors to see if he has low testosterone or possibly another medical problem? How old are you and your husband? Sometimes marriages have their ups and downs, but IMO we don't just throw it away without first trying to figure out what the problem is and see if it can be worked out.
He hasn't been to a doctor
He hasn't been to a doctor yet. I am 27, he is 31. I am going to try to get him to see a doctor.
Ok, I am going to call the
Ok, I am going to call the doctor. Do you think I should just schedule him a physical or to see a specialist?
Thanks for the info! I will
Thanks for the info! I will call our primary doctor and ask them to send him for testing.
Equipment working.. hmm yes.. sometimes he does have trouble keeping an erection..
From what I have read online, it kind of sounds like ED but he is only 31 so I am not sure about that..
I really don't know what the issue is.
I actually hope that's what
I actually hope that's what it is..
I don't feel like we have any big relationship issues that would cause it.. I mean obviously there's the stress of having SD here full time but as far as anything between the 2 of us, we really have no issues.. we've known each other since we were kids.. we are very close.
The only other things I can think of is 1. he doesn't want me to get pregnant (which eh.. could be but why would he talk about wanting a baby all the time?) and 2. that he has gone back to drugs (he used to have a prescription pill addiction years before we got together). #1 would be a dealbreaker & #2 would be my worst fear.
You need to get him to see an
You need to get him to see an Endocrinologist. That type of doctor will be able to determine if your DH has low-T levels or not. Trust me you want to get his T levels checked because low-T can cause a whole mess of health problems, not just low sex drive.
DH has hypothyroidism. The PA
DH has hypothyroidism. The PA thought he had low-T so tested him. The PA was reluctant to treat him for it because you have know 100% that the issue is low-T and what is causing it. The endo tested DH for Cialis but thankfully the issue was that we were under treating his hypothyroidism. Once that was under control his T levels returned to normal.
The endo tested DH's T-levels
The endo tested DH's T-levels 5 times at first to make sure his T-levels were actually low (something about the time of day you draw the blood). Even after those 5 test, which did show low-T the endo didn't want to treat DH for the low-T until he did a ton of other tests to find the cause of it. When everything else came back ok and he couldn't figure out what was causing the low-T he went back to chekcing his thyriod levels and adjusting his meds for it. He then did 5 more low-T test and thyriod tests to see what happened. DH's T levels went back to where they were suppose to be. I'm glad the endo was so determine to be 100% sure that DH had low-T and to find the cause because treating low-T can cause problems of it's own.
DH knew that if he didn't
DH knew that if he didn't take care of this and listen to the endo (which DH did complain A LOT) I would jump down his throat! Along with his entire family and my family. He had NO choice in the matter.
Thank you! I will do some
Thank you! I will do some research and find one in our area.
Thank you! I will! I have to
Thank you! I will! I have to wait until tomorrow to call because we had a big snow storm here (east coast) and none of the offices are open today.
- it's either this or you
- it's either this or you REALLY are going to have to rethink your marriage.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Holy shit! I can not believe that people are actually suggesting DIVORCE because of only getting sex once a week. That is what is wrong with the world these days. Lets just divorce over every singe thing!!!
Ugh..maybe he has a low T problem. Maybe his drive has just changed.
See about this before you try the therapist or DIVORCE.
I am not considering divorce
I am not considering divorce yet, Willow. I am trying to work with him and figure out what the issue is so it can be fixed.
It's just frustrating to be the only one trying!
Wow, so it really could be
Wow, so it really could be anything that is causing this.
I will have to get him to a doctor. Enough is enough.
I am the same way, I am used to men wanting me and it's hard to have my husband not wanting to have sex with me! It makes me so confused! :?
Oh man. I can see my DH doing
Oh man. I can see my DH doing that. Just not even caring enough to do anything about it if that's even what it ends up being. I wonder if it just doesn't bother them when they have low T because they don't want it so they see no problem with not doing it?
My DH knows I am pissed.. I let it be known at this point because I am tired of being nice and understanding.. I want to have sex with my husband, dammit! Not only for the physical aspect of it, but we are supposed to be trying to get pregnant! Can't really get pregnant when you're not having sex!
Hehe yes I thought of that
Hehe yes I thought of that too! DH and I went to counseling twice before we got married (just regular premarital counseling) and when I was researching it, I remember reading about marriage/sex therapists that deal with people who have intimacy issues. That's where I got the idea from lol
DH went to a sex therapist to
DH went to a sex therapist to try and patch things up with BM before we met. She never gave him a chance to try it out with her, but boy do I get to reap the benefits of that one!!! Total awesomeness!!
Seriously though, even though it's awesome, it is few and far between, mostly because of our place in life.... exhaustion from the kids, general life stresses etc. Our solution? Take advantage of every alone moment you have. We have most of our luck with early morning and nooners. And be very aggressive about it. Like "I want you, right here, right now." Take your clothes off, start groping him ...and kiss him passionately. That usually works pretty well for us.
Don't wait for a sign from
Don't wait for a sign from him letting you know he's ready to go, just go in and go for it. If he's like me then he will be ready to please.
Yeah .. I guess I am at the
Yeah .. I guess I am at the point where that feels desperate to me.. after being turned down so many times.. & he's literally asleep. I've tried soooo many times to wake him up with no luck.
My son's father was bad. I
My son's father was bad. I was lucky if we had sex once a MONTH. Seriously. My self-esteem went in the toilet. I knew to the DAY when my son was conceived - no matter WHAT date the docs tried to come up with!
My DH, on the other hand, when we first started dating 2-3x a day was not out of the realm of possibility. Now that we have been married for over 12 years, 2-4x/week is pretty much what we have settled on although that can ebb and flow, too.
WOW! Why is it we all seem to
WOW! Why is it we all seem to end up with someone not compatible sex wise? I know that's not always true but it seems like it right now. My wife (one D one S, Me none) has ZERO sex drive now. We are quite a bit older than most here I think (her 57 me 58). While dating sex was consistent and often. After the first year of marriage it dropped down and by end of second year nearly non-existent. Last year we had sex twice and she complained about being sore for two days after.
This is a 57 year old lady that is in good shape and has a figure that would make a twenty year old jealous. When she bothers to dress like woman instead of always in jeans or sweats when we go out she still turns heads.
I've got a few pounds on me that I shouldn't have but can still lift boulders and keep myself presentable in appearance.
I would be happy with sex everyday but would love to have it once a week or even once a month rather than not at all.
That's my life and I guess I just have to deal with it because there's nothing else I can do. As a guy though I can tell you, most guys are VERY visual beings. I know it's not always the same thing that gets us all going but I've seen very few guys that didn't get excited when a woman is dressed like woman aimed to please. Personally I've always thought that gods most beautiful creation is the female body.
I've always been a leg man myself and use to really love seeing my wife dressed up in four and the occasional five inch heels but she stopped wearing heels at all about five or six years ago. Told me she was tired of not being comfortable when we went out. Keep in mind she only wore them when we went out the rest of the time she wore flats or tennis shoes.
I know back when we did have a good sex life and occasionally (if I gave her a sexy outfit from Fredericks or somewhere for Valentines Day or something) she would surprise me by coming in the room all dolled up with stocking/heels and playful. That was too long ago but at least I've still got the memory.
Good luck. I hope your SO's wake up and realizes there's plenty of guys that would love a woman that actually wants sex and how lucky they are.
I guess I'm super lucky then.
I guess I'm super lucky then. DH prefers when I dress comfortably, which is most of the time..but then again, he gets excited on the rare occasions when I dress up. Pretty much he gropes me every chance he gets. Doesn't mean we're doing it constantly, but I know he's still interested.
Yep. I was raised by very
Yep. I was raised by very good parents that are together today. My Dad set the example by always treating my Mom like a queen. Always puts her first and they both looked after each other first then together they looked out for us kids. I kind of expected that's the way marriage with kids worked until we got married 15 years ago. She puts her kids before me and makes no secret about it. I've always tried to get her to hire a sitter when the kids were younger so we could go out but she insisted we go somewhere that the kids could go also. When they were old enough to stay by themselves she made them go with us when we went out. Now she just makes sure to be in a bad mood when we go out.
She is still beautiful and healthy but treats me like I'm someone she wants nothing to do with. She is so obvious in her actions towards me that even friends and family have questioned her over the years. Two of her sisters told me years ago that I should "kick her to the curb" because of the way she treats me. They got in an argument about that and now they'll say things to me but they make no mention of her actions to her. I think she just hates men and takes it out on me. LOL! At least I still have a little humor left in me.
I, too, am on the other side
I, too, am on the other side of this. I never want to have sex. I think we have had sex 3 times in the last 3 months. It's boring... same thing over and over. And he wants me to say and do things that I don't like. He wants me to tell him that I want to have sex with multiple men at the same time while he watches because when I talk "dirty" it turns him on. Well, it turns me off! Then I avoid having sex so I don't have to say those things.
Have I told him that I don't like sex that way... yes. Doesn't matter. Sex with him just feels like f----ing anyway. What happened to making love?
Got depressed; gained weight... now I REALLY dont' want to have sex.