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DH's family SUCKS!

christinen's picture

DH and I have been trying to conceive for 16 months. His family knows we are trying but doesn't know about all the tests and treatments we have done. They keep making comments literally every time I see them. His mom saying things like "just relax, it will happen when you relax" umm no, I don't ovulate, so relaxing isn't going to help me SMH.

Then last night we were all out together and SIL makes a comment that she hopes we have a boy.. Why even bring this subject up? Then his 18 year old nephew comments that we aren't ever going to have kids. I just can't deal with them. I hardly ever see them as is because they are so rude and tasteless. But now I am thinking about cutting back on holidays and events too.

I need support right now, not stupid bs comments from people who have never been in my situation. Anyone else in this boat?

christinen's picture

Thank you. I was so upset that I walked out of the place we were and DH said I overreacted. I told him I am over his family and their stupid comments. I ended up telling SIL more about what we are going through and DH told me he said something to the nephew about it. Ugh I just can't stand them! My family would never EVER make these kinds of comments!

christinen's picture

Hmm that's an idea! I'll have to think about that one. I wish I had never told them when we started trying. I never expected to have any trouble.

Evil stepmonster's picture

Kind of in the same boat, I've got DH and most of his family asking me when we will have a baby together. I have no intention of having more kids, and DH has plenty. They make me feel real shitty though, kind of like if I truely loved him I'd have his baby. I'm sorry their doing that, I've cut back my contact with them too. Some times it's the only option we have.

christinen's picture

Ugh I know what you mean! I'm so jealous of people with decent in-laws. And you are right, sometimes they leave us no other option than cutting out or cutting back contact.

Willow2010's picture

you could confront it head on and let them know that you are trying very hard and it's a very difficult process and talking about it adds more stress you don't need right now.
This gets my vote.

On the outside looking in, I would say that there comments are not meant to hurt you since they do not know you actually have something wrong. (not ovulating)

But the above is great advice I think.

Good luck hun and fingers crossed.

AllySkoo's picture

MIL and SIL don't mean to hurt you, they probably think they're being supportive. Honestly, I'd pull MIL aside and say, "Look, I'm having a hard time with this and I'd really rather not talk about it at ALL over the holidays. Can you ask SIL if she would refrain from mentioning anything at all about babies or pregnancy?"

The nephew was just freaking RUDE, and I'd have addressed it at the time. ("Well that was rude." generally suffices.)

I'm so sorry - infertility sucks ass! We went through 2 years of trying including a year of seeing an RE before something worked. I know in my own case, it was all I could think of and the LAST thing I wanted to talk about with DH's family!

ec0517's picture

I don't understand why your so upset with them ...their not even being obnoxious or being judgemental it could be alot worse where they don't want anything to do with you and they can't stand the thought of yall trying to conceive. ..and you even said it yourself that they don't know about the procedures that you guys are going through so how can you be mad at them for not knowing sounds a lil childish tell them how you feel it's not that hard or maybe if you opened up a lil you might feel better. ... talking about your feelings and concerns helps and I'm sure they would be supportive

christinen's picture

Thank you all for the responses! Not to be rude but I think if you don’t understand why I was upset, it is probably because you have never had to deal with infertility. It is an extremely stressful time and it’s basically an emotional rollercoaster. Then when you are on fertility meds that are full of hormones you become even more emotional. Any little thing someone says can set you off. It could be either rage or tears, or a combination of both. That night it was tears and that is why I walked away. Anyhow, I did explain to SIL what was going on and she seemed to be supportive. I will have a talk with MIL as well next time I see her. Thanks again, everyone!

christinen's picture

Thank you!! I haven’t actually been diagnosed with anything which makes it even more frustrating. I’ve had a bunch of tests done and no answers. Only thing I know if we have been trying for 16 months. I was not ovulating on my own so I went on clomid and it worked to make me ovulate but still not pregnant. The in laws do nothing but stress me out and ask stupid questions and make stupid comments so I am definitely limiting my contact! Next time I see them will be Christmas Eve and like you said, I will just go in, sit down and not say much. Thanks again!

One-Of-My-Own's picture

Hi Christinen. I'm in the same boat as you...sort of. My DH has an aunt that drives me batty. She asks me literally every time I see her when he and I are going to have a baby. Every time. For over 5 years. I finally snapped at her at Thanksgiving and said, "Don't you think that if there wasn't an issue, we'd have one by now?" She didn't speak to me the rest of the evening. Hmm..oh well. Don't have to see her until Easter now Smile

As for your SIL and nephew...I'm so sorry that they make comments like that. It certainly doesn't make dealing with infertility any easier. We have gone round and round with my inlaws about their beliefs about IVF. They feel that it is their obligation to tell us how they feel. I've gotten to the point that when we go to a family gathering, I sit quietly and talk about anything and everything BUT babies. If the baby conversation comes up, I leave the room.

Hopefully speaking with your MIL will help. Maybe if you just tell her, "Look, here is the situation and after this conversation I don't want to discuss it." that would help? Good luck!!

redtiger74's picture

Right there with you. We've been trying for the past year. We've gone through all the testing and it turns out that even though I just turned 40, all of my hormone/fertility levels are fine and all my parts are in working order. It's DH35's, father of SS6, swimmers that are the issue. He only has 2% normal morphology. While this certainly explains things about Skidly, it's not the first thing anyone, especially his family thinks of when asking when we're going to have kids. Instead they all thinks it's my fault because I'm old and not a "kid" person, meaning that I've never been one of those women who oohhs and aahhs over babies or kids, especially skids. And because DH has already "successfully" reproduced, I must be the one with the issue.

To top it off, I've already had one early miscarriage, which just adds to all of the fun. So not looking forward to Xmas, where I'm sure that I'll be asked the "kid question." I think I might just decide to explain in full detail what having a hysterosalpingogram is like. It will be certainly more entertaining than listening to MIL discuss Skidly's christening gown at great length or SIL wondering how BM is doing.

The only thing to be thankful about not being pregnant this Xmas is that I'll be able to drink... heavily.

mustangl2014's picture

WOW I am honestly almost relieved to read this thread. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 9 months with no success. I COMPLETELY understand why you are sensitive to others bringing the topic up. No one can understand the way that it feels to be wondering if this time it worked and you may be pregnant only to see NEGATIVE on your tests.

My MIL proceeded to tell me that she was sure I would've come home from our honeymoon pregnant. What do you say to that?? I'm sure that I'm just being overly sensitive but I'm also SOOOOOOO sick and tired of hearing about when my SD was born from my MIL. She seems to think that i need to know things about when she was born. DH and I's best friends just had their baby this morning and my MIL texted me and said "Is DH going in to the hospital to see the baby because Chris went to the hospital when SD was born?" First of all, of course DH and I are both going to see the baby, they're our best friends. Second of all, no one gives a shit if Chris came to see SD when she was born. It was 8 years ago. No one cares. Also, no one cares how much she weighed, or how long she was, or that she was born via c-section. NO ONE CARES, ESPECIALLY NOT ME!!!

Seriously, DH had better tell her to shut her mouth about SD's birth because if i ever do manage to get pregnant I AM NOT going to go nine months hearing about when BM was pregnant or when BM had SD. I DO NOT CARE!!

My MIL seems to think that I should want to know this crap and I don't. Honestly, I wish it never happened, but unfortunately I can't change that. I deal with SD because I love my husband and I have to, not bc I want to. GRRR people who live in the past drive me absolutely nuts!!