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Sex as SM, how do you feel?

forever2's picture

I am guessing I am not the only one with these feelings, and I want to know how other women think and feel about sex as SM. For those of you who are like me, ignored, sloppy seconds, totally ignored tag-along when skid is around....the orbiting satellite of the parent/child sun. Anyway, you know who you are Smile I feel like the only thing that BF would not prefer to do with skid is (obviously) sex. He would rather talk to him, sit with him, cuddle with him, go to a movie with him, dine with him, vacation with him....I could continue forever. When BF and I do something great together alone, I can almost count the moments until I hear "lets do this again....with skid!" Oh gee, BF, lets, sigh. We can be literally thousands of miles from home on a romantic getaway vacation, and I hear, "skid would really enjoy this." Anyway, then there is the only adult thing....sex. When skid goes to bed (ie after they are done cuddling and giggling on the couch until midnight) and BF finally comes to see me, hiding out alone in the bedroom, he wants one thing. You guessed it. Honestly ladies, I feel such revulsion! This man is gorgeous and sexy, but the fact that he doesn't give me shit until skid is gone and then wants sex? It makes my skin crawl. I am not the type to withhold sex to punish a man, but it is a feeling an it is hard to even pretend like I have any interest. On the other hand, and this is my question, I could see how some woman would take the complete opposite mental approach. If sex is the ONLY thing that is truly between you that has nothing to do with skid, the only thing he wants to do only with you, the only time skid doesn't creep into his mind, the only true alone time....shouldn't sex then be our favorite thing? Shouldn't we embrace it as ha ha I have him now? In a way, as women, sex is our power. I don't know the answer. Its a vast difference, being totally revolted by sex versus embracing it as our most treasured connection. If I embrace the later approach, we would both me a lot happier, but it is hard to convice my body and brain of that. Please share.

3terriers's picture

AWKWARD...sex with skids lurking is a toughie. SS17 and SD14 are very needy and clingy. DH and skids are night owls and spend countless hours on video games, tv, etc. so I get little couple time. When skids were younger they would shadow DH and then knock and carry on outside bedroom door - my libido is still traumatized.

simifan's picture

I think it is the old adage, men and women view sex completely differently. He is in a emotional relationship with his child, & you feel like the other woman - why would you be in the mood?

Though I have often wondered why some of the ladies here stay when they seem to be treated so poorly. I couldn't/wouldn't settle for second rate in any romantic relationship.

If all I amounted to was a booty call - I'd at least make it at my convenience.

Gigi82's picture

My SD just barges into any closed door. DH and I both lock the door when we shower and she's on the other side screaming to be let in. For that reason I feel no sexual attraction to my hubby while we are with her. Maybe because I don't have bio kids, so the concept of having sex while she is in the other room still makes me uncomfortable. And the time leading up to and during her visits always has me on edge because her mother is a nutjob, so sex is the last thing on my mind anyway!

Shannon61's picture

I'm right along side you on this one. While my SD (27) won't barge in, she may knock or even if she's in her own room w/the door closed, DH and I don't feel comfortable having sex while she's in the house, so our sex life has been in the toilet for the entire length of our marriage. This is just one of the many negative things I've had to deal with regarding SD living w/us.

giveitago's picture

I get the third wheel thing, when out and about they constantly reference good times from the 'old house' and that era. I got up from the dinner table one time, I said I'll be outside having a ciggarette while they reminisced. DH got my point and pretty soon joined me!
I did take into account that they were still adjusting and I do know that memories can fade or merge and I do not want them to lose sight, or track, of their life before they came to live with us. They do now reference times with us as a family, we now actively encourage them not to forget any of the good times.

roseslady2's picture

I think all men have this issue. They are able to just kinda "get it up" without tons of romance and foreplay. Plus, all they really need is genital stimulation... so it can be really frustrating to try to get what we need. I have friends that are not SMs that say the same thing. Not sure what to do about it... I've been making sure to reward DH when he does the right stuff, even if it's only for 2-3 minutes.