Mine vs his
Lots of issues and a bit ranty sorry in advance.
My recently 10 year old daughter said my dh treats her a little bit like Cinderella. If she leaves a mess she gets told to clean it up which I agree with 100% but she went on to say he doesn't tell his own kids to clean up their mess. My dd and sd12 share a bedroom and my dd has to clean up her stuff every day while sd12s stuff has been all over for a good 6 months at least. I told my dd not to clean it. Over the weekend I noticed more. My kids went to their dads which they do eow and we have his every weekend so sd12 came on Friday and left an empty can on the kitchen table (mine would have been told to move it Friday) Sunday morning rolls round and there are 2 cans a hair scrunchie her breakfast stuff and sweet wrappers all over the kitchen table (he still hasn't told her to clean it) so I clean the kitchen leaving both of their messes for them and eventually they do clean it up.
My 2nd issue is eating itself. Sd12 makes so much mess while eating it's literally everywhere all over the table and all over the floor. She's 12 ffs my 8 year old has better table manners than that. Sd9 barely eats anything at all but when she does like her sister she won't use cutlery the correct way if she uses cutlery at all. They both chew with their mouths wide open like cattle. It's not so much they have issues with table manners it's that dh doesn't say anything to them but when it's mine chewing with their mouth open (eldest who's disabled does sometimes) they get told straight away by Dh.
My 3rd issue is they're always eating sweets. Like 10minutes before dinner sd12 has got a big pack of star burst. She never asks before she eats sweets she just eats them. Mine always have to ask and get very few in comparison. Dh would say no to mine eating sweets just before dinner but because she doesn't ask she gets to eat as many as she likes. Sd9 brought a carrier bag full of sweets over 2 weeks ago and was none stop munching on them. But nothing ever gets said to them.
My fourth issue is hygiene mine are constantly told by dh to get bathed brush their teeth put deodorant on etc but his never get told to. He will tell mine to go to bed at a reasonable time but not his own which leads me onto my next and final issue.
My final issue is my children are more work I will concede that. They are more sociable, want to interact with the adults in the home more and do things together. They like spending time with me and like spending time with dh so are usually asking if we can do something together. "Mummy will you please colour with me?" "Mummy can we get snuggled and watch a film together?" Etc I understand they are more effort than his who sit in their rooms the whole time they're here playing on electronics. On Friday they came, an hour after mine had gone to their dads sd9 emerges from her pit "have dc3s kids gone to their dads?" "Yes" then she goes upstairs to ring her mum to ask if she can go home in the morning. Sd12 stayed in her pit only emerging for food. I'm not an expert on children by no means but I find this completely unhealthy. They don't want to spend any time with their dad. I try spend more time in my bedroom and away from them so they can spend time together, watching cr*p on my phone or doing face masks, showering, organising my closet which I usually leave all clothes to put away at weekend especially if it's the week they are here and my bios aren't. I think this leads to him thinking his kids are perfect and can entertain themselves, we don't even know we have them etc. Which is 100% true but also really sad.
I know a lot of people will say I can't care more than the parents and I don't think I do care all that much my bigger issue is that his parenting to my children is 100x better than his parenting of his own children. Not that my kids see it this way obviously and that's the issue I have.
What would you do in this situation?