I think I'm seeing at least one area where I went wrong. I moved into their home.

After returning to my home town to support my BS19 at the beginning his independent life, SO and I both thought the next logical step for us was to get started on OUR life Our plan? ... support SD19 on beginning her independent life (she had finished school when I moved in), do some minor improvements to his house, sell and move to a rural setting for a healthier, quieter lifestyle. This is something we both wanted and dreamed of before we met. SO assured me that SD19's plans fitted with ours. SOs excitement has been barely containable. Each time I unpack a box and amalgamate a bit more with him, his face lights up. That look used to give me such pleasure I don't see it much anymore, as I've stopped unpacking. I've taken it slowly, adding little bits of me, like couch throws, cushions, kitchen utensils, photos, pictures etc as we went along, so as not to make SD19 feel like her home was being invaded. Well, didn't I succeed there!! Of course, everything added to 'her' house, becomes 'hers' to use .... bleh!!!

Fast forward a little over 12 months. SD19 has finished her schooling (she took the easier option offered in Aust, as she didn't want to go on to higher education) doing the absolute minimum possible to be able leave with a 'pass'. Since then her main activity has been 'sitting' ... you have to sit to watch movies, sit to be constantly hanging out on FB, sit to eat. She has enrolled in a course her father ended up paying for in June last year. At the time of typing, the first assignment has not been completed ... or begun. SO gives ultimatums that he doesn't carry through on about finding work, studying, picking up after herself, contributing to the household etc. SD19 chucks a hissy and does whatever she damn well pleases, with guilty daddy (thanks STalk for helping me to recognise this ) then venting his frustrations at me that his daughter is becoming a useless wastrel ... Becoming??? Honey, she's ARRIVED!!!

In the last week or so, things have reached a head for me. BM came from interstate to visit her girls (OSD20 and SD19). Not only did she organise to visit on a weekend that both daughters were away (nice one, BM), but she used the time to go visit friends instead ... one of whom is a close friend of mine who I knew prior to meeting SO. During this visit another close friend dropped in. Apparently BM was busy sprouting how "He (SO) loved me first' 'I was his first' 'He'll always be mine' Needless to say, my girlfriend left with a bitter taste in her mouth. She's a good friend though, and spoke to SO about BMs blather, so we were both aware of the crap spillage. No biggie. No I suppose not, except for the fact that she's regularly on the phone - not about the two grown daughters, has asked recently if there isn't a chance for them to get back what they once had and has repeated to us SD19s comment about how nice it would be to be a family again. These things niggle. And if you gently poke someone in the same spot over and over and over, you will eventually cause a bruise. Between SD19 and BM, I'm feeling bruised and my relationship is suffering. In one breath SD19 badmouths BM like there's no tomorrow, BM is anywhere near her (on phone or in person) and suddenly is "Mummy Snuggles!!!.' "I wuuuuub yoou Muuummmmy Bum' etc etc etc :sick: (side note: At what age do you grow up and stop calling your parents Daaaady and Muuuuumy?)

I have reached the conclusion that the only way around Queen SD19, is to retreat. I will be packing up from 'their' house anything that I care about in any way shape or form. I will begin cooking for myself, and that's it. I will continue to do SOs washing, ironing and cleaning of our room, BUT, no more cleaning the shared areas of the house, no more making the house a 'home, no more cleaning up after 'her' pets...(hmmm, do I stretch that to mot feeding 'her' pets either? ... seems unjust to the poor defenseless animals :S )', no more having to wash up the items I brought to the house before I can use them .., that's assuming that I can even find them and they're not buried under the pile of clothes, dirty, wet towels, plates, cups, etc, etc that is QSD19's room. I don't know if this is the wisest choice, but the next step is to move out. I certainly don't want this relationship to end, but I'm damned if I will make myself sick living with a slovenly pig. Been there, divorced that, and promised MYSELF that I would never be subjected to living below my standards again.

Time to keep my promise