Lying
My boyfriend had emailed his daughter's school teacher to request some things from her regarding his daughter. My boyfriend's daughter upon us having conversation a few weeks ago while doing homework she stated to us that she hasn't missed school this year. Yesterday he receives an attendance report from the school. The attendance report begged to say different. When my boyfriend showed me I told him this is why I don't like to be around your daughter when she ask me to stay up late with her when she sleeps over. My boyfriend was like what do you mean? I told him your daughter continues to lie and I dislike lying. I told him that is why I created punishment for lying for my daughter that she can't watch TV for a week and she can't use her laptop because, I will not tolerate lying.
My boyfriend didn't say much but, now that I am writing about it and venting I feel really bad that I came at him the way I did. Do you think I was too harsh? Do you think I should be a little more understanding of the situation? Can anyone advise? Tell me your storying about your sk lying.
In my case
My SK know they cannot lie here. When we have them over, they know that they will be in trouble if they lie. I wouldn't say that they do lie, but my 10yr old SD likes to exagerate things, so we always tell her that it is unexceptable to do that. They learn it from their mom who is a pathological lier. She thinks its okay to lie and it isn't. As far as the missing school thing, I would say to her that we get reports from the school about grades and attendance, therefore, she cannot lie about it.
As far as what you told your boyfriend, I don't think that you were too harsh, problems with other peoples children is frustrating because we all have different parenting styles. I would just tell him that you were just trying to help keep her from telling a lie. I would explain why you said what you said.
I don't like lying either
and I have caught my FSS doing it numerous times. My personal take is that if it isn't about anything important, I just say, "That sounds implausible to me," which is mostly about exaggerations. I feel like when I was a kid, my family treated that sort of thing like it's just silly, and stupid, so we didn't really do that. Then again, I did not feel like I had to present 2 faces to anybody.
In your case, this is serious. Some action needs to be taken, but it has to come from your boyfriend. I hope your boyfriend does something sensible.
Watch
and listen. This is what he'll do if you marry him. Don't correct him, suggest to him, enlighten him---JUST WATCH HIM. If it feels icky it usually is. Is this the man you want to be the father of your children? Is this the girl you want to be the sister of your children?
Lyings
Honestly, what boggles my mind is that she has lied in the past and she has seen how her father has caught her on the lie. I just don't understand why it doesn't register in her head not to lie.
Don't get me wrong she may be confused about the way things operate in both household because, from her mother she gets its okay to lie but, from her fathers household she gets don't lie. It can be confusing. I am not trying to justify her actions but, trying to understand.
on Watching
perhaps it is better to just watch and listen but I personally could not do that. I just had to say something when something happened that bugged me.
The thing is that he did change the way that he did things in response to my suggestions and my questioning, not so much, correcting, the direction some things were going. In my case, he ended up separating from his wife BECAUSE OF ME, so it was a new situation for both of us.
Has this man been apart from his ex for a while? If so, then he should know what's what. If not, then you guys are in new territory which means you damned well better be steering the boat with him. But keep the life preserver handy, just in case.
Sounds like your step oughta see a counselor.
Lying
You know my boyfriends daughter does see a therapist. My thing is she is so use to lying that the therapist probably doesn't even know that she is like this because, of course the child's mother was the one who took the child to the therapist for whatever reason she felt she should.
Furthermore, the child was seeing a different therapist in the past and my boyfriend obtained copies of the records and the child stated how the father and his family didn't pay her no attention. She went as far as saying that she didn't want to visit with her father anymore because, he pays more attention to me. When my boyfriend told me this I was in shock because, the child when she spent her time with all of us she never showed any signs or ever said anything like that. Many times when we would all be together I would even state to my boyfriend and his daughter if you don't want me or my daughter or anyone coming along because, you want to have alone time it's okay. She would always state it's okay, it's fine. From what I perceived she basically enjoyed her time that she spent with all of us.
Furthermore, I am the type of person I would prefer you tell me the truth then you lie to me, that is the way I work. I don't want you to pretend so, you don't hurt my feelings. If you don't like me then tell me, if I have done something that you didn't like then tell me but, don't make me think or perceive you to be okay with me and you really aren't. Basically don't lie no matter what it is because, I always say people don't get upset at honesty they get upset when you lie and they know you lie.